Quick thoughts on The Crimes Of Grindelwald and the Lion King “live action” remake teaser trailer


(an EXPRESSO review of Sparkle 2 is gonna come soon, for the meantime, please enjoy some quick ramblings)

Since i didn’t actually see Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them before watching the sequel (i didn’t had much interest, and i couldn’t find a quick way to watch it before i watched the second one, but i was brought up to speed by relatives), i’m not gonna do a review of the movie, but i’m gonna say that – in itself – The Crimes Of Grindelwald is not a good movie.

I can’t exactly say much because this movie expects me to be familiar with the first one (which is quite legit, it’s a fucking sequel), so i just know some stuff just went over my head and i couldn’t give it much context, but…. yeah, this is barely a movie, it’s just a pot ot plot points, all set-ups for future sequels (3 more, good lord), and what it’s actually in here it’s laughable from a narrative standpoint, since there’s so little actually at stake in the plot of this movie, what modicum of a plot is here.

It’s well acted, the creatures are cute and the best part of the movie (i’m guessing this was also true of the first), some scenes are nice, but in the second half it all gets dragged down, with torrents of exposition dialogue unleashed upon the viewing public, stuff that happens because Rowling said so, and some really stupid shit upon the boredom. I mean, the scene with the baby in the boat is just so fucking stupid. I like Harry Potter, it’s one of those things you grew up with and you usually find yourself still liking (like Star Wars for americans), but i dunno, i’m not sure i wanna see this five film project through with my own peepers, if J. K. Rowling will keep pulling out scripts like this.

The Lion King 2019 voice cast.jpg
Dat cast, though.

Also, yeah, Disney is remaking The Lion King, in this years of total domination of the entertaiment industry that is mostly spending making live-action versions of its most beloved movies, because fuck you, i can take this gamble over and over again and not feel any real negative consequence on the money side. (no, i haven’t seen yet the Dumbo one, as of now i unconsciously held off).

Unlike the Aladdin live-action that is Disney basically refusing to hire people are of egyptian or middle east descent (in a movie set in arabia, mind you), and will do blackface in this age instead, this first teaser for the Lion King remake isn’t offensive, it’s just… perplexing. Just the though of “live action Lion King” itself made me wonder how they were gonna do it, since there are no humans in the story.

After watching the trailer, i’m less confused and more flabbergasted on Disney stretching the definition of “live action adaptation”, because… i’m pretty sure half the animals are CGI’d, which is to be expected, and it’s amazing technical works, i’m not denying that, i’m just asking what the fuck is the point of this movie being “live action”, since – IF this teaser trailer is to be taken as some kind of proof – they’re gonna use a lot of CGI and make the animals talk? Taking a guess on the last point (but it looks like a shot for shot remake of the original, so…), what they’re gonna do, make a dialogue less movie? It’s Disney, remember.

I’m guessing it still counts as “live action” because some of those animals are gonna be real ones, but still, it’s stupid, why not just make an animated movie, you’re Disney, you can make zillions upon zillions and reach the widest audience possibles with the kind of movies that built your house (you DO). Why not invest these obscene amounts of money in other, new,  projects? I mean, it’s not like it’s gonna make you break the bank, which will be overflown again once this movie hits theathers (august 2019, at least for here in Italy), just the nostalgia itself will move an enormous amounts of people.

I know why, but at least why not stick with adapting animated movies that could make some sense in live action form? It’s just baffling, there are 9 months before the release though, i could change my mind, but i’m not feeling hopeful, nor i feel i should at all. We’ll see, we’ll see, as usual.



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