The Black Scorpion 1957 [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

There are many giant monster bugs themed films from the ’50s, and if you made one back then, there’s a good chance that legendary fx maestro Willis O’Brien worked on most of them, curating the creature effects made in stop motion animation, and The Black Scorpion is indeed one of the less discussed 50s giant monster flicks, alongside the often forgotten-ignored piece of Eugenie Larie’s “dinosaur trilogy”, The Giant Behemoth, also with effects by O’Brien.

Yes, before you point it out, yes, a scorpion is not a bug per sé (and we’re gonna split hair, ants aren’t bugs either), is an arachnid, but it’s not like audiences cared about this back in ’50s, nor do they now.

Doesn’t really matter because if we can make it big, we can make a movie about it, thems the rules, and a scorpion is a really intimidating crawly for most, so why the fuck not?

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Eventually comes The Bride, more Laid Back Camp, and some very late Pokemon opinions

Soap box time, i guess, since it’s Sunday.

I really wanted to have an EXPRESSO review for The Bride! far earlier, but schedule conflicts got in the way and so – unless cinema schedules fuck me over by removing it all together – i will be able to see & review the film only next week, which is a bummer but you know, shit happens.

On more favourable – to me – news, we finally got a proper announcement for Season 4 of Yuru Camp/Laid Back Camp anime series, which will release next year, with another studio change, this time handled not by Eight Bit (the animation studio that took over C-Station for Season 3) but by Furyu Pictures, the anime production branch of the company mostly known for their figures and now also videogames.

Speaking of which, the previously announced proper Yuru Camp “camping cooking action game” by enish, the developer of the gacha mobile title, All In One, has a date and is launching in a matter of days on PC (though via Steam as a japanese language only affair for the moment) and later will hit Switch and mobile, which sounds odd since this isn’t a F2P gacha game like All In One, it isn’t, it’s an actual game you pay for once (DLC aside).

So expect a review of some sort when they either update it with english language support or it launches on Switch.

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[EXPRESSO] Keeper (2025) | ♬ Go to the woods and see ♬

After Longlegs and The Monkey, Oz Perkins is back with a new horror film (releasing just 2 days ago here), Keeper, but i’ve never heard much… well, anything about it, ill or good, but it might be me accidentally missing coverage, wouldn’t be the first time.

So i went in blind… and i kinda get why this didn’t generate much buzz, maybe, but first the plot.

A couple spends their anniversary weekend in a secluded cabin in the woods, and once there strange things start happening, revealing the house’s dark secrets..

I don’t think Keeper is a bad film, at all, but i’m willing to call it Oz Perkins first “trip up”, it is disappointing, because even if the final twist pays off, makes the build up worth it for an interesting turn… it doesn’t change that it has to do so with a character explaining the lore to us, instead of you known, just showing us, since it’s a movie and all of that, plus it it intriguing but nothing special enough to balance out and gliss over the fact the build up (and the premise in itself) seems to be made irritating and generic on purpose with how the cliches are placed.

Yes, obviously to play with audiences’ expectations (and with the horror archetype of the “cabin in the woods”), and it does work, but the story could have been more cohesive, or have people invested more by the narrative itself instead of the deliberate bold faced deception that also saps any mystery the story could have had when the loredump drops, to say nothing of how some subplots are simply kinda forgotten by the end.

It’s still far from unwatchable, mind you, thanks in no small part to Maslany’s great performance as Liz, but it’s also disappointing.

[EXPRESSO] If I Had Legs I’d Kick You (2025) | My (Speed) Tube

Definitely an A24 release, If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is a classic tale for the ages.

Linda isn’t just a mother, she is a psychotherapist that has to tend to her daughter, whose eating disorder has her eating through a tube in her stomach, bringing her daily to a daycare center, while her husband is constantly away due to his job as a ship captain.

She is already stretched beyond her limits, but then one day their apartment’ roof cracks open due to a water pipe collapsing, creating a huge hole and flooding their home, forcing Linda and her daughter to move to a squallid motel in the time being.

Making things even worse, Linda is aggravated by not only becoming even more of a drunkard, repairmen that vanish hence extending their stay at the motel, the medical staff attending to her daughter trying to get Linda to committ properly, one of her patients coming off even crazier than before, among other things pushing Linda well beyond any semblance of a breaking point long since gone.

It’s a fever dream depiction of parental stress, but while Linda is gunning for the “worst mother of the year” award hard as fuck, is also impossible to not emphatize with this woman that is really trying but its also unbelievably flawed and a complete mess of a parental figure, tearing herself apart trying to still cling to reason despite her destructive tendencies, commenting in how often even the safety nets for mental health issues are just not enough.

There are is some horror like-imagery, i guess because it’s a A24 film, though the film it’s just an almost surreal (but not quite) fever dream, an uncomfortable cavalcade into disaster that’s hard to look away from, thanks to Rose Byrne’s incredible performance.

The Food Of The Gods (1976) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

As we gotta have a Bert I. Gordon film in the rubric every year, i figured we’d might as well knock off one of his lesser known films, as in, i don’t think color when i think B.I.G., but he did work until well beyond the 50s up into the 90s, and before passing away in 2023, he did screenwriting work for 2014’s Secret Of A Psychopath.

This is from the short lived “Wells period” of his career, working with Samuel Z. Arkoff’s American International Pictures, though this isn’t the first time he adapted the Wells novella, since his 1956’s Village Of The Giants film also took the entire basic premise of a substance that makes people grow larger to join the giant humanoid trend of The Amazing Colossal Man but mostly used to make another entry in the “teensploitation” trend that was going on at the time with surf movies and shit.

This time is a less bastardized adaptation, and by that i mean it actually uses the H.G. Wells moniker and is slightly more faithful to book… at least its basic premise, since it doesn’t cover most of the more interesting chapters and its themes, it basically reduces it to another “nature revenge” plot, which indeed was all the rage after Jaws, as already discussed plenty of times.

Meaning this has more to do with the unproduced kaiju film Nezura (and -again – Jaws and the) than Food Of The Gods, since the focus here is on giant rats that have eaten the “FOTG”, in this case a substance springing from the ground in a farm in British Columbia, with the farmer, Mr. Skinner, considers it a gift from God himself, feeds it to the chickens, which grow to giant size, and so do wasps, grubs, and rats, making the island overrun by giant vermin.

Unaware of this, a professional football player and some his teammates head there for a hunting trip, but they get more than they wanted from it…

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The Netflix’s One Piece Season 2 review delay of sorts

I was planning of doing a full review for the second season of the One Piece live action series that drops tomorrow, scheduled to release by the end of the month, but due the anime new scheduling and no news about the supposed new film in the works, i’d figured we’ll do a full lenght review of Netflix’s One Piece in August, which is basically “One Piece Month” by now, since i don’t wanna rush this one and i have more pressing IRL things to deal with.

I’ll have an EXPRESSO review of the second season out in a few days, instead, we will still close March on something cartoony anyway, as you will see.

[EXPRESSO] Hoppers (2026) | Mindjacking In Nature

While i skip most of Pixar’s (and Disney’s for that matter) output nowadays, i decided to give Jumpers a try even if the premise didn’t quite excite me.

The premise sees Mable, a young girl that loves animals and grew attached to a pond her grandma used to take her and relax with the sound of nature, trying to fight a local politician that is banking its campaign on expanding the highway by constructing over that very pond.

Much to Mable’s dismay, he can because the pond is actually devoid of animal life, but she finds out bringing in a beaver will make the other animals follow suite, and trying to do so, she discovers a secret university project where they use advanced robot animals and project their mind into these to infiltrate and monitor the fauna better.

She then forcefully “mind jacks” into the robot beaver using the device in an effort to make the animals swarm the pond and so demonstrate they can’t actually build over that habitat….

Gotta say, maybe Pixar isn’t completely washed up, because Jumpers is actually quite good.

First, it doesn’t take nowhere as long as expected for Mable to get into the “not Avatar” device and start journeying into the animal’s world, there is enough time spent to characterize Mable herself as a likeable young activist moved by actual love and respect for the animals, maybe a bit too much to understand some consequences, but well meaning, plus the animal world itself and its rules are actually more interesting than one would expect, harboring some genuinely surprising turns.

It’s an ecological fable that’s actually is more effective because it isn’t preachy, there are some fun designs and very cute animation quirks like the switching from realistic and “talking animals” vision of the events.

Final Verdict: Expresso

Monster Run (2020) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

While there are some old Taiwanese film i could have choose, i do like to eventually check in with some more modern film made by China, as in Mainland “Taipei is gonna be ours eventually” China, and maybe this time something that doesn’t exactly fall into the “web movie” Asylum-esque category, as in something actually meant for theathers.

Also, this bucks the general trend of these Chinese monster film being overly short, as this is almost 2 hours long… not for the best, but first, plot.

Which one would assume it’s like the starting chapter of Bleach but swapping the genders of Ichigo and Rukia, since Letterboxed’s synopsis is worded in a way that you’d assume this was based on a shonen manga of sorts, but nope, it’s actually about a girl, Ji Mo, an outcast due to her ability to see things no other people can. Not ghosts or spirits, but monsters, which of course made others think she’s just a psycho and for which she has been sent to the looney bin once before.

Her life changes when she meets a monster hunter, and discovers she has an important role to play in adverting a coming disaster…

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Here Comes The (Virtual) Boy Again

So because i’m a major league doofus, i actually preorder not the 20 bucks cardboard VR thingie to play the Virtual Boy on Switch/Switch 2, but the entire fuckin replica that costed me 80 bucks, because ultimately i’m a kindred soul to the protagonist of Shangri-La Frontier, we go hunting high and low for the kusoge, for the odd, for the grime undesired depths of the videogame scene.

Of course i’ve heard of the Virtual Boy, i’ve seen the AVGN episode, i’ve seen Nintendo itself take potshots at its failure too eventually in stuff like Tomodachi Life, but i was still curious, and there were some games i wanted to play on it proper, especially since this oddity never came out in Europe, so

I’ve played modern VR games occasionally at some arcades, so i was super curious to see for myself how the Virtual Boy measured up today via a big ass replica of the console itself, even if can’t load any games by itself and it’s an accessory needed to play via Switch or Switch 2, but sure as hell that beats me bothering to collect the original console and its library, i have to draw the line somewhere.

Gotta say, i was kinda impressed.

Kinda.

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Queen Kong (1976) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Time to give it up for the one and only… Queen Kong.

the only “Queenie Fo’ My Weenie”.

It’s very obscure and forgotten as Kong rip-offs go… and thankfully so, because it might be the worst one, as in “so bad it’s jarring” kind of bad.

Let’s be honest, this should have been a 10 minutes sketch on TV, making a full lenght movie out of the concept “let’s swap genders to the King Kong story” as some sort of performative progressive feminist take on the classic tale (purely performative, it’s just the same exploitation style brand of random racism and “sensibilities”) and let’s make it a parody because so we can stuff it full of whatever, like shitty comedy too and hackenyed gag.

plus since it’s “for a laugh” we can excuse away the shitty ass effects, it’s that kind of cynical film that deliberately ridicules itself in order to excuse how fuckin awful it really is.

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