[EXPRESSO] Masters Of The Universe (2026) | The Barbarian Legend Of Big McLargehuge

Ah, yes, the new He-Man movie, i say if i actually grew up with the cartoon, or even saw the old 1987 live action adaptation with Dolph Lungren…. i did not.

I absorbed some He-Man knowledge through memes and Robot Chicken sketches, and i did grow up with the original TMNT, i know this “multimedia franchise-empire ment mainly to sell toys” tango very well, so why not?

The plot it’s an origin story where a very young Prince Adam is sent to Earth by his mother to escape the armies of the evil Skeletor invading the planet Eternia, entrusted with a magic sword, and 15 years later as a man he comes back tp his home planet to become the hero of legend he was destined to be, He-Man, and vanquish’s Skeletor and his minions for good.

It’s Superman meets Star Wars with a vague 80s PG-13 barbarian-medieval theming, with very little distinctive and a lot borrowed from the aforementioned franchises… and Marvel, more accurately trying to ape Gunn’ Guardian of The Galaxy trilogy, with very middling results since it can’t committ proper to be “Marvel quippy” nor sincere about its inherent sillyness, and tone comes off as undecisive and confused, almost as if the four writers were actively at war with each other.

It’s not horrible, mind you, there’s some simplistic entertaiment to be had, there is, despite these issues and other like some odd castin, i honestly found it enjoyable, the action fun enough, but… this really shouldn’t be 2 hours and 20 minutes long, it tries to cram too much stuff into this runtime and the result is that it’s bloated despite very little plot going for it.

It’s definitely not the worse movie to have an Amazon van in it, you can quote me on that.

Batwoman: L’Invincibile Superdonna/La Mujer Murcielago AKA The Batwoman (1968) [REVIEW] | The Spy Who Lucha’d Me

While i could have waited to spring this one on you when The Batman Part 2 finally releases…. that date is still far away, but the Supergirl live action film is not, so why not, and there’s still shit like Batman Da Il Pianeta Eros or Batpussy i could review for the occasion.

I’ve been recently studying up on ye old lucha libre mexican cinema, whom some of you might have been exposed via the few localized american version of El Santo movies, which called him “Samson” since El Santo as a figure wasn’t really know in America… nor is it now, but him and many other masked luchadores were also starring in their own film as themselves.

Some of you might remember stuff like the MST3K fan favourite Samson VS The Vampire Vomen, or the adjacent “luchador free” old The Robot VS The Aztec Mummy, but let’s just say these are just the tip of the sweaty beef iceberg, as there are dozens, hundreds of these films made in Mexico, most about El Santo but other luchadores like Tinieblas, Mil Mascaras or Blue Demon had their own film series, which often mixed spy film, gothic horror, mad scientist and monsters and of course had crossover, with some like El Santo and Blue Demon now teaming up to undo a sinister scheme of world conquest or strange murders ordained by some comic book styled mad doctor.

These were basically superhero series of their own right, just that the hero existed inside and outside of the ring, and his masked identity was kept as such, so, in the same way we call Dwayne Johson by his nickname regardless of what movie he is or what character he is playing, these movie do star El Santo or Black Shadow in the credits, they are playing a character alright, but they’re still rocking the luchador persona as the main one, as you would due to lucha libre tradition in this regard.

Due to some cultural sensibilities in common, we in Italy did get a few more localized films of this genre, but this one today is a bit of a “cheat”, in the sense it was an Italian-Mexican co-production starring Maura Monti, an Italian-Mexican actress and model that was in many Mexican films in the 60s, aside from this one, even if this the one she’s more recognized from, alongside 1966’s neo noir thriller Rage, where she acted alonsgide Glenn Ford.

Continua a leggere “Batwoman: L’Invincibile Superdonna/La Mujer Murcielago AKA The Batwoman (1968) [REVIEW] | The Spy Who Lucha’d Me”

Tentacles (1977) [REVIEW] | Jawsuckers

While i have already set my shark movie picks for the summer, i wanna give you something extra in the “killer aquatic animal” subgenre of Jaws rip-offs that don’t fit the “shark month” criteria… well, because they are not about sharks at all.

(This was supposed to be an extra review for July, but i’m gonna do it now as “compensation” for the Masters Of The Universe movie review having to bedelayed AFTER i posted the schedule)

But make no mistake, this is basically the producer of the original Piranha, Ovidio G. Assonitis, credited as Oliver Hellman, cashing into the Jaws craze by stringing together a lot of old big Hollywood actors and having something to put in theathers ASAP, ideally to get some box office revenue in before Universal released their sequel to the original Jaws.

There’s very little point to go over the plot of Tentacles (“Tentacoli” in its original italian release, which is just the italian word for “tentacles”) because you know the plot outlin-well, the plot everything, this is just Jaws but with a giant octopus doing the terrorizing and killing in the waters of a small beach town.

Some small details are different, but there’s no point circling around the obvious, this is “Octo Jaws” and the characters are also transparent in functioning the same as in Jaws, but look, we have an admittely impressive number of big name Hollywood actors roped in: Bo Hopkins, Shelley Winters, John Huston and even Henry Fonda.

Even with Fonda swapping in and in doing so eluding us from having John Wayne in a Jaws rip-off, i can’t deny this is impressive, and sure did help a lot in marketing the film… as in, good for having those names on the poster and hence working wonders as a honeytrap to sucker people into seeing a very fuckin boring Jaws rip-off.

Continua a leggere “Tentacles (1977) [REVIEW] | Jawsuckers”

[EXPRESSO] The Amazing Digital Circus: The Last Act (2026) | I Have No Pomni And I Must Scream

Having quite enjoyed the webseries in question, i was surprised to see Gooseworx have a premierè release in theathers of the final episode, ahead of its regular release on Youtube on the 19th of June, and somehow we got a release here in Italy too. Impressive.

That said, i will try to keep this review as spoiler free as possible, even though i’ve got no idea why would you be reading the review of a series final episode you didn’t care or heard about, but just in case i will explain the overall premise.

The Amazing Digital Circus is about a series of people forcibly trust into a virtual reality program of the same name, unaware of who they were before and trust into the digital flesh of cartoony avatars, with no prospect of exit in sight and being commanded-tended to by an IA ringmaster, Caine, whom sends this mismatched gaggle of amnesiacs “prisoners” on oddball adventures.

It’s “very” reminescent of the classic horror short story I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream (mostly remember nowadays thanks to the 1995 videogame adaptation by Cyberdreams), but mostly played more for comedy, alongside mystery (and existential dread for good measure), as the protagonist, a jester girl dubbed Pomni tries to adapt and see if there’s anyway out of the “circus”..

FYI, this is actually a recut that includes Episode 8. a recap and the hour long Episode 9 (the final one indeed).

Again, keeping it spoiler free…. i did quite like the ending, it does strike a good balance between being “positive” AND actually a bit more depressing than it already seemed when you stop to think about it.

Regardless if you agree or not, don’t fuckin harass the creators, VAs or the company over this, you smegmatic little monsters.

The June EXPRESSO schedule

Time for more talk of “upcoming attractions” for EXPRESSO revies, and terms of upcoming or just released films i can make some promises.

First, since we also got a limited theathrical release of The Amazing Digital Circus finale in cinemas here, i will be attending tomorrow, so for Sunday that review should be up.

Not too long after that the review for the new Masters Of The Universe live action film (which released yesterday here) should be up.

Some of you might think i’m missing a horror related comedy thing…. i don’t know what you’re talking about, we know those things don’t actually exist, no point in assuming what a movie like that would be if it doesn’t exist, nor i recall ever being a thing before. One can wonder, though, of a what such a hypotetical film would be.

I will be seeing Toy Story 5 and Disclosure Day, there’s no fixed date yet but reviews for those will happen.

Closing off the month, we’ll get reviews of Gore Verbinsky’s Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die, the Supergirl film, and of an anime film called ChaO (which is releasing here in late June).

Maybe (MAYBE) you’ll see a review of the new and last (the very last one this time i suppose) Jackass film, again, a very big MAYBE.

[EXPRESSO] Yoshi and The Mysterious Book NSWITCH2 | Creature Comforts

Yoshi games nowadays seem to have a bad rap and this subseries has definitely struggled to forge its own identity while people (allegedly) just wanted a “proper” Yoshi’s Island 2, and struggled to co-exist with another less challenging Nintendo platformer series, Kirby, somewhere above that but below the average 2D Mario in terms of difficulty.

Yoshi and The Mysterious Book more than Crafted World (also developed by Good Feel) looks back at the long time maligned N64 entry, Yoshi’s Story, in terms of taking risks and skewing the old classic formula for something a bit different, while building on the old gameplay basics that do make a Yoshi 2D platformer.

With the premise of helping a mysterious illustrated talking encyclopedia, Mr. E, we go inside his pages to basically play a saurian Mr. Attenbourough, as it ain’t much about reaching a level “exit” but researching the mysterious odd creatures (which you can then rename) that dwell inside the mustached tome, by interacting with them, which also means using the new gimmick of tailswiping a creature-enemy on your back and using its abilites, which range from spreading spores, blooming flowers, creating bubbles, exploding, etc.

It focuses so much on exploration and a puzzle-like usage of how the various critters interact with the enviroment that while there are some platforming challenges and fail states objectives in the various levels, there’s no real health bar or deaths per sé, which is undeniably a radical choice in addressing the often lamented low difficulty of Yoshi games.

Honestly, i think it works because it’s still a joy to explore the levels, find all collectables, and the creature usage isn’t a cheap gimmick, since it helps in keeping every level full of new little surprises and creative ideas, though it’s a bit on the short side.

Shark Listings & The Mini-Summer Of EDF

As previously announced, we’ll have the usual 6 shark movie reviews but this year they will be sliced with 2 every month until August, we already begun the month with the Hindi language shark-laden masala film, Aatank, and that’s literally just the antepasta, there’s plenty more of far weirder shark related shit to see and talk about.

Also previously announced in that previous article, it’s how we’ll have a mini “Summer Of EDF”.

A fun sized version because there’s simply nothing else bearing the name EDF left to review, aside from the PS Vita expanded port of 2017/EDF 3 that is stilly a digital only 30 bucks thing on PSN and what, the mobile autoclicker EDF 4.1 Tap Wars?

As much as i would love to keep talking EDF games, we have only the PS2 tactical spin-off and the EDF 4.1 shmup spin-off left to cover, so look forward to the reviews of those, and remember that the EDF will -inevitably- deploy.

Again. Not soon, as EDF 7 (thought it should be called X for reasons obvious if you played EDF 6) isn’t a thing, but we know that eventually Sandlot will make another one, and i’d prefer for the team to rest and come back with something even more stupid, crazy and fun than before.

I mean, D3 could still outsource a “boomer shooter” spin-off, they did one for Starship Troopers, so….

[EXPRESSO] Milky Subway: The Galactic Limited Express Subway – The Movie (2026) | Cyborg Deliquents Of Gold

It warms my heart to see how the author of the astondishingly excellent 2022 ONA Milky Highway has now a movie streaming on Netflix, Milky Subway: The Galactic Express Gateway… which is actually a film recut-compilation, i somehow missed (or fogot) that Yohei Kamiyama made a sequel series, Milky Subway, that aired on Youtube and television.

I really don’t know how i could have missed that, but i’m making amends now by reviewing this recut that compiles the 12 short episodes into a 47 minute film, that also introduces a couple new side characters (at least so sayeth the articles and the Wikipedia page).

The premises follow Makina and Chiharu, arrested for the events of Milky Highway, and now joined by four other young delinquents, all sentenced to do community service by cleaning an old rundown space express train, but when they all set foot on the vehicle, it goes off by itself, so the group has to collaborate in order to find a way to stop the train, and along the way deal with other weird malfunctions….

It’s a compact story that actually has enough going on, and it uses the time to develop not only the returning duo from Milky Highway, but also the new deliquent youths, making for some really good charaterization and dynamics, also due to the dialogue going for a more realistic style than most anime.

THAT aside, the retro scifi aesthetic is perfect, the character designs are amazing, animation is beyond impressive, it’s unbelievable how this is a self produced work (manned by a VERY young author, too) that in less than a hour puts stuff from experienced studios to shame.

I really wanna see more of these characters, of this world, so give the series and this compilation film some love, will ya?

Aatank (1996) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

Ah yes, foreign Jaws “rip-offs”, my favourite blend of shark trash.

I’m leaving the Turkish Çöl for another time, as we’re tackling one of the most featured ones in such lists (and prominent for obvious alphabetical reasons), the Indian Aatank, which itself had a troubled production history, being shot in the 1980s but not released until 1996, and being the last film appearance of a beloved Hindi actor (and politician), Dharmenda.

at least according to most sources, i can’t really corroborate from experience.

Though it’s worth being upfront in how this is another case where it being labelled a “Jaws rip-off” is mostly misleading, though kinda of a necessary evil to lure in people that wouldn’t have bothered at all if i didn’t say shit like “Bollywood Jaws”.

This is not to say that it’s random and unfitting, the movie has a killer shark in it…. but technically the same could be said of Back To The Future Part 2 due to the “Jaws 19” hologram.

Continua a leggere “Aatank (1996) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist”

Mario & Wario SFC [REVIEW] | Bucket Mario Mouse Adventure

One of the Mario titles that have been long since been an exclusive to the Super Famicom (the Japanese version of the Super Nintendo), but last October it was rereleased officially, in this case as part of the Super Nintendo Classics app/service on Switch and Switch 2.

It’s has been a long sought after title that it would be logical to assume might have gotten a rerelease on Switch 2, since it has a mouse-style control set up for the Joycons, and it wouldn’t have required much fnagling as the game was already full translated in English in its original SFC release, kinda surprising it didn’t actually get a NA or PAL release, despite there having been plans at the time.

I guess besides Mario Paint there wasn’t much interest in games that used the SNES mouse peripheral, but regardless, you can now play it on Switch 2 or even Switch 1, for the latter you will need to connect an USB mouse… which is how i played it, with the old Switch 1 docked and with a cheap random USB mouse anyway, at first anyway.

I tried that but i guess my USB mouse was too shit, since i later tried the mouse mode on a Switch 2 joycon (both in docked and handheld mode), and that was actually WAY better, like usual an actual proper modern mouse, even with the game mouse speed set to low, so i stuck to that for the rest of my experience.

Continua a leggere “Mario & Wario SFC [REVIEW] | Bucket Mario Mouse Adventure”