Trevor McFur In The Crescent Galaxy JAGUAR [REVIEW] | Star Jags

Played via the Atari 50^th Anniversary Collection on PS4 and PS5, because – i’m just gonna make it clear now – i ain’t buying a frigging Jaguar to play this. I’m simply not gonna.

Frankly i wasn’t even aware of this ever being a thing until i was flipping through the Jaguar library on the Atari 50^th Anniversary Collection (you don’t need any of the DLC, as the Jaguar library – and by extension Trevor McFur is part of the base package and wasn’t expanded, not yet anyways), you’d think this would have been featured a bit more in retro reviews of the console itself, but it wasn’t, and i struggle to grasp that.

You’d think a game called Trevor McFur and with a cover art of a jaguar man embracing a jaguar woman with space in the background would be easier to bait people with, even if just out of curiosity, but i guess, as usual, i do have to do everything myself.

I mean, it’s really writing itself, given it was supposed to be a launch title for the console but instead that went to its “sister” title, Cybermorph, yeah, the “where did you learn how to fly?” one.

Also, yes, i was gonna make a Starfox Zero review, but i delayed, then thought if i really wanted to play Starfox Zero, i remembered the demo version i’ve played a decade ago…. so i figured, furry for furry, might as well do this one, that Starfox Zero review is gonna get delayed to when i can be fucked to, or for any new Starfox project that might emerge after the Switch 2 remake of SF 64/Lylat Wars.

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[EXPRESSO] The Mortuary Assistant (2026) | Flat Possession Rate

Based on an indie horror game of the same name i’ve heard about but haven’t had the pleasure of playing yet, The Mortuary Assistant has a solid concept, with Rebecca, a mortician in training (with a past od drugs and alcoholism) that has graduated to assistant, being called in by her boss, Raymond, to do an unplanned night shift, with weird requests like embalming then cremating a corpse, but soon strange things start happening…

I’ll be honest, i was just expecting a lesser version of Autopsy Of Jane Doe, and i don’t know how much or if this rappresents the eponymous videogame, but i can sure recognize boring garbage when i see it.

It even starts off decently, but then constantly degrades, between boring flashbacks, tiresome hallucination scenes, or the demon tormenting… well, more dick around (often saying frankly laughable shit) to the protagonist, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear even when the plot stops for lore and-or exposition dumps, nor do we know why the entity doesn’t outright kill the downright stupid protagonist you won’t care about, as she keeps falling for the same obvious trap.

there’s no atmosphere, no tension, the acting is mediocre at the very, very best, everything (entities-monsters included) is just plopped there with no grace or gusto, the thin plot grinds to a halt so we can have lore and make it clear this was based on a videogame, stopping to find video tapes or solve a demonic puzzle by matching symbols or something.

It’s being professionally put together and sporting solid effectds doesn’t matter when it’s all so flat, stupid and boring, never actually scary, especially when its topped off with one hell of a non-ending that i’m not even sure was meant to sequelbait, but will just piss you off even more.

Platformation Time Again: The James Pond Collection GenAI Marketing Suicidefest

Never tought i would have to say it, but we have to talk about James Pond.

I guess since retro collections are in now, System 3 decided to resell its old series of Amiga borne platformers, the James Pond games, of which i played a bit of the second one, Operation Robocod, as a PS1 Classic release on the PS3, actually, with this collection including pretty much all versions of all 3 James Pond games, plus the sports spin-off The Aquabats.

They are rereleasing this also a physical release on Switch 2…. but even that being “exclusive” is most likely bullshit as a PEGI rating for a PS5 version has been spotted already.

Look, System 3 already were famous for being cheap since forever, heck remember when they put out on PS4 a SNES game they pretended was cancelled back in the day, for full price (and lied about upcoming free DLCs), with Putty Squad… which they also released basically on launch for the PS4.

These people wanted 40 bucks for Super Fruit Fall on the Wii during its launch, i do remember that, so it checks out, System 3 peddled crap like this for a living since forever, and given what i played of Operation Robocod, i can believe people commenting how this is kinda apt because the James Pond games were indeed trash even back then.

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[EXPRESSO] Jo Jo Bizarre Adventure: Golden Spirit iOS | The Gachalands

Probably comes as no surprise to anybody that Golden Spirit is another pile of gacha shit… but still, i decided to give this one a try.

Mostly because i haven’t played one of these in a while and because it’s Jojo…. and starting off, gameplay it’s not exactly what i figured it would be from the trailers, and by that i mean it was sold as a “ tactical RPG”, which to me means a Tactics style turn based affair, this is actually a real time autobattler where the more pressing issue is positioning the units, so yeah, it’s another idle self playing borefest, the strategic hook of the Rush mechanic meaning very little, and of course the roster is infested with VERY minor characters, so you can gamble for the ones you really want.

Or hope you can unlock them in event story cutscenes…. some of which even when available will wall off content with 14 hours timers, like the Stardust Crusaders one, because the game starts off with Part 5, Golden Wind, the Jo Jo series taking place in Neaples, Italy and following Giorno Giovanna, the son of Dio Brando, as he fights to overthrow the mafia’s mysterious boss.

Hope you already know everything JoJo because the game never really explains shit, despite starting from Part 5….of 9.

While it mostly looks quite decent, it goes the extra mile of not just reusing frames from the anime for the story scenes (alongside recreating them in various styles), fairly common in itself, but sometimes passing those through an IA filter, making them look worse upon any scrutiny, too.

Its so utterly generic that you could have EASILY slapped another anime license/skin unto it… and i’ll just say it looks identical to a bootleg Jujutsu Kaisen mobile game, Jujutsu Malevolent Shrine.

Eepy August Summer Break

As usual, the blog will go on hiatus and resume as usual on the first of September…. well, as i already announced some weeks ago, there will be some relatively big changes coming next year, even though they won’t affect the schedule for the rest of 2026, since a lot has already been done and planned.

I will make a proper post on the 1st of September about that, so in the meantime behave, relax and have fun.

And there are some EXPRESSO reviews that will come out soon anyway, so look forward to those.

One Piece Day (?) Throwaway Musings

Yes, apparently One Piece Day just happened to be scheduled on August 10th last year, officially this year gonna be on the 22-23 Of August, and so it might seem pretty early to discuss things that in 2 weeks might not even matter or instead be addressed, but since on the 16th the blog goes on hiatus as usual, and i usually reserve/consider August as One Piece Month, i will be rambling a bit anyway.

about One Piece in general. what else?

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Global Defence Force Tactics PS2 [REVIEW] | The GDF Deploys!

After unexpected delays, we’re tackling the final EDF title yet to be featured for Summer Of EDF, Global Defence Force Tactics on the mighty Playstation 2.

What happens when your budget game does well, you make a sequel, and since EDF 2 did sell very well in Japan for its budget price range in the Simple series catalogue, being the only title of the Simple label to sell over 200.000 copies, D3 figured to capitalize on its success (again, those today are small numbers but EDF was also sold as a budget title in Japan) and basically had a quick Tactics style spin-off made.

And keeping up with the previous marketing choices, EDF 2 Tactics would only be localized for PAL territories, as Global Defence Force Tactics.

Yep, they even kept the British spelling of “Defense”, it’s not a typo, it’s still a bit weird, but i guess why change it for a spin-off back then, would have made things even more confusing.

Also, as a personal note, i’m glad i bought this years ago, as now an used PAL copy asks for 50 bucks mininum, and it was already kinda rare before, being a very late PS2 release under the Essential Games budget release label used by D3 Publisher/Namco Bandai in Europe.

That said can actually see why you would made this, since the EDF series does lend itself to also become a tactical turn based rpg, this one developed by thinkarts, a very niche studio that worked under D3 doing other tactical games… and a PS2 port of that visual novel with Tomak: Save The Earth, you know, the “i can’t believe it’s not a Suda 51 joint” literal potted head of a goddess you have to literally nurture?

Which was actually rereleased globally and was a freebie on the Epic Game Store, this isn’t an ad (i don’t play Fornite and i think most people use their platform just to get free games, i buy games on Steam and Gog for PC), just an amazing set of coincidences.

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August Augurs, the Fall-Winter schedule and changes in 2027

As a reminder, the blog will go on the usual break on the 16th, and it will resume full activity on September 1st.

As for the remaining august days, all the planned full lenght reviews, though in terms of One Piece content, only the review of Season 2 of the live action Netflix adaptation of One Piece will release as planned, sadly the one for Gigant Battle won’t be ready in time, and i’ve decided not to rush it.

EXPRESSO reviews for Hokum and Spider Man: Brand New Day will arrive soon enough on the blog.

The main big change i wanna announce is, after deliberation (and also because i’m between jobs now) i’ve decided to dedicate myself more about writing down a book about giant monster cinema (and maybe move into video content stuff) in the coming future, so next year the schedule will be more or less done on a “when and if i can” basis, i’ll still make some sort of plan but basically i will allow myself to wing it or scrap things.

This won’t affect much or at all the schedule for September and up to Dicember-early January, as most of the work has already been done or is already on its way to be completed, or already “set in stone” either way.

I’ll still work on the blog and keep updating it, and this doesn’t mean i will sunset older rubric, mainstays like Giant Monster March, The Spooktacular Eight, Musou/Melee May will remain and so on, EXPRESSO either.

Also, i’m gonna address it here before i forget: while i doubt we’ll even see it here in theathers before October (if at all), i won’t be covering Eli Roth’s Ice Cream Man remake in any form, as he’s been using GenAI shit in it, and not for minute details either, plus i learned in the fallout that he’s even more of a piece of shit i’ve though/remembered, and it’s not like we’re gonna miss much anyway, given his track record of “quality” (Thanksgiving was quite fun, admittedly) and the movie reviewing poorly even ignoring Eli Roth himself and the GenAI sequences…. we ain’t gonna miss out on anything of value, let’s be real, i’m surprised he still pretends to be relevant.

Kandagawa Jet Girls PS4 [REVIEW] | Censorship Waves

As promised last summer when we reviewed the Kandagawa Jet Girls TV series, we’re finishing up this niche multimedia series by talking about the game of the same name, released westward digitally on PS4 and PC via Steam.

As with most of these niche (and honestly non-niche as well) anime multimedia franchises, both the game and TV series exist as their own semi-separate thing, despite having the same basic premise and, to promote each other, basically, and this also using some lifted sequences from the anime.

Though in this specific case you really could have guessed this was based on a videogame, since the whole setup is so light on story, but heavy on “plot”, and just the idea itself of mixing shooting into jet ski racing is very videogamey, borne from the need to spice up the basic formula and find a way to incorporate clothing destruction into this one too, as it’s the brainchild of Kenichiro Taniguchi, the creator of Senran Kagura.

Of course it’s him. Though this time is developed by Shade Inc (the Bullet Girls series, Gun Gun Pixies, Samurai Maiden) and Honey Parade Games, the latter also having co-developed the Splatoon-clone of Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash, so it fits thematically in the “literal wetworks und anime lesbians” sense.

Just this time with the framing of a Wave Race style game.

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[EXPRESSO] Disgaea Mayhem PS5 | Flaccid Flannery

Turns out the demo for Disgaea Mayhem wasn’t really that misrepresentative.

Yes, the full game IS is better than the demo, but also indicative of this being indeed a cheap project the company really didn’t believe in, one they just kinda slapped the Disgaea name on to ensure it sells some copies, even if it the story fits the zany nature of the NIS series, being about a mercenary tasked by an Overlord princess, Tichelle, to retrieve legendary flan desserts from demons that defected from her army.

Combat isn’t as refined as more recent traditional Warriors title or Dynasty Warriors Origins, but it’s decent, there are some fun weapon movesets, the borrowed mechanics from the Disgaea games help, overall the core gameplay is good enough.. shame there’s really nothing around it, just a handful of overly simple levels that are frankly interchangeable, as they have nothing going on: no bases system, no attempt at any kind of gimmick, nothing.

Just kill very small amount of peons, do it two more times, then reach the level boss area.

It feels like a musou game made by people that never actually played a musou game.

Rinse and repeat 3 times for most of the few story chapters, maybe stopping a bit to grind if underleveled, not that it’ll make the campaign last more than 6 hours, with very few post-game content as well, gated behind way too much grind, and it’s easy to accidentally overlevel yourself, killing the little “balance” it had going on.

Plus frankly the game looks cheap, like a late PS Vita project resurrected and souped up a bit.

Yet, i don’t find Disgaea Mayhem to be THAT bad, it’s “just” disappointing, underwhelming, overly basic (to the point it feels half-baked as a whole), very short and content starved.