The Mouse Trap (2024) [REVIEW] | Unhappy Mappy

I swore this off when it came out, even more since i did end up covering all the 3 fucking Popeye slashers that came out last year, but we’re getting at least one more of those, and apparently more of “Steamboat Willie as a horror movie” as a sequel for this was greenlit very soon (one month) after this one dropped in August 2024.

Plus this showed up today on my Amazon Prime Video feed, and since i’ve basically done the same with the Winnie The Pooh horror films, i guess it was indeed inevitable, so consider it a bonus review to excuse the Global Defence Force Tactics retrospective piece getting bumped to August.

I’ve already said a lot of what i thought about these kind of productions in my reviews of both the aforementioned Winnie The Pooh Blood And Honey films and the various Popeye slashers, but in case you weren’t aware, this is actually “patient zero” for this new trend among the bottom feeders of the indie horror scene, as in, waiting for a specific work’s copyright to expire and as soon as possible jump on its new public domain status to do a quickie cashgrab in the form of a cheap low budget slasher flick; the virus might mutate but so far this is the route chosen, as it’s easy, obvious and so brazenly shameless it will put eyes on your piece of shit.

More specifically, this exists because the famous Disney short featuring Mickey Mouse, Steamboat Willie, fell into the public domain on January 1, 2024, just that, meaning THAT Mickey Mouse’s appearance was “fair game”, not the other interpretations/designs/incarnations that followed, as Disney owns the copyright to those.

And Canadian filmmakers Jamie Bailey and Simon Philipps were eager to cash that “mouse money”, as they announced the film (as Mickey Mouse’s Trap, as if they ever expected that title to actually pass legit) on the very same day Steamboat Willie’s became public domain material.

More unbelievable was that this was supposed to get a theathrical release… it didn’t.

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My 14 Hours with Arknights Endfield (PS5)

While i might still do an EXPRESSO review for it, even if it’s a F2P game… actually because i’ve played my fair share of anime F2P gacha games over the years, i know that unless they completely overhaul the game, they will simply introduce more content or new game modes that don’t substitute the main core experienc, the story will be continued with new updates but the foundation will most likely remain, because unless is utterly broken or impopular, there’s not even a monetary reason to scrap the work already done.

I might reserve doing that EXPRESSO review when i at least finish the first chapter fully (at the time of writing i0m halfway through Chapter 1, are 2 big story chapters split in at least 5 subchapters each, more or less), even though i’m very close to doing that and i’ve already passed the “freeride” initial portion of a F2P game where progression will require grind not just to keep levelled up your squad (or level up a new one), but also to progress due to the story requirements being tied to your overall “research level/rank”.

I’m releasing this now as in a 4 days the game will receive the biggest update/expansion, “Homecoming”, i ment to release this piece 3 weeks ago but things got in the way, and i haven’t played much more in between that made me change my opinion on the game, plus i’m not even sure i will go back to the game on a regular base anyway, so we’re posting this now. before it becomes completely outdated.

I might still do an EXPRESSO review, but it seems unlikely, we’ll see.

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Disgaea Mayhem PS5 [DEMO] | FIRST IMPRESSIONS

So, yeah, NIS hasn’t been too vocal about it, but yes, they are doing basically “Disgaea Musou/Warriors”, just in-house, and it comes out on the 23th, in a couple of weeks, i’ve actually preordered the Limited Edition this time, but i’ve seen the demo pop up, might as well give it a whirl.

And let’s just say i wasn’t impressed… actually i was baffled, but for different reasons that you might think.

The reasons being that this is an AWFUL demo.

Like, it’s become clear NIS has no faith in this game, but a demo like this feels just short of self-sabotage, like they actually want this to fail? What the fuck is the point of even throwing this together?

The demo already befuddles on the first impact because there is no story or cutscenes at all, you’re thrown into an empty little hub with a single Prinny to talk to in order to access the three levels/stages on offer; so already if you wanted Disgaea’s style of comedy you’ll have to check the inventory for the “demo weapons, not for sale” bit in the info boxes.

What the demo does have is three special demo stages, but they sure don’t feel special, they are of slightly rising difficulty, but barely so, and they are so short that i was able to see all the content in the demo in about 15 minutes.

Some demos give away too much, but the one for Disgaea Mayhem is exactly the opposite.

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EX VITA manga [REVIEW] | Ghost In The Shiny Metal Ass

I’ll admit, there is something sadistic about going back before the Crunchyroll Original anime adaptation of a frankly mediocre GITS rip-off made sure EX-ARM was a name known for all the worst reasons.

Yet, curiously while searching for more used volumes of the EX-ARM manga, i realized there was actually a previous iteration, written and illustrated by Shinya Komi alone this time (so writer HiRock wasn’t involved yet), simply called EX-VITA.

Yeah, eventually (roughly 2-3 years later) they remade EX-VITA as EX-ARM, which ran for Shueisha’s Grand Jump and Shonen Jump from early-2015 till mid-2019, and eventually ended, rereleased then over 14 volumes/tankobons.

I do wanna eventually cover that, but i figured we took a look at EX-VITA first, also to celebrate the new Ghost In The Shell anime launching on Amazon Video… well, yesterday (or today, in some regions)!

It’s gonna be a relatively quick review since this original iteration of the concept ran for just 2 volumes.

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A Murcielago anime in this economy, Steel Ball Run actual release schedule, the new GITS anime, Tanya Degurechaff is back, AOT 3 and the Mini Summer Of EDF delay

So, Murcielago is a manga about a super serial killer woman with 715 homicides to her name, Komori (she the titular “bat”, since “murcielago” means exactly that, but in Spanish) gets her death penalty halted due to the city being overrun with crime, and Komori gets into assisting the Japanese police in tackling other murderers and criminals that the regular police force fails to catch, helped by the expert driver Hinako and the daughter of a yakuza boss

Komori is also a super lesbian and she basically tries to get into the pants of the many extrabosomed female characters, and even without her there’s a lot of nudity just shy of scissoring because i don’t think you could get away with that on Shonen Gangan. not quite.

It’s delectable action yuri exploitation trash, i love it, i’ve been following and buying the volumes for the past years, but given there’s so much premarital selbian gex and hyperviolence, i never really expected it to get an anime adaptation, heck, it’s ridiculous how much difficult is to see new horror anime exist, which is why i’m not really expecting a Franken Fran adaptation or something.

Yet, a few days ago a teaser trailer for the Murcièlago anime just popped up, and yes, my birthday was earlier this year, but whatever, it may be on time for that since is slated for a generic “2027 release” and i guess will stream on HIDIVE in US territories, we don’t have that here..

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Cyclone (1978) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

I’ve been putting off this one for years because of one specific aspect: that they killed a real dog for it, as i’ve heard this repeated on as a truth, and honestly that alone made me push it down the priority list, which might sound weird since i’ve seen a decent amount of cannibal movies, and i have pet turtles, to boot, which made that scene really hit me hard the first time around.

And i wasn’t really gonna google how a cooked dog looked like, so yeah….

Well, turns out after a bit of research that they didn’t actually kill a dog, and in a way i should have known, since Cyclone (also known as Terror Storm) is from exploitation sleaze extraordinarie Rene Cardona Jr., and while he did actually kill real sharks for Tintorera (and also he did immediatly jump on making a film adaptation of the Jonestown Massacre, remember)… once i saw the movie it’s obviously not the case, and the supposed “skinned dog” it’s a chicken, they edit in a way to make it look “real”… but if you actually stop to look at the way it’s edited it’s obviously not real, and the blood is so obviously fake stage blood, plus he’s holding the blade against the dog on the dull part.

I wanna believe Rene Cardona Jr. couldn’t get away with killing one of man’s best friends.

Yeah, regardless, this one is not for dog lovers…. well, unless you consider them a culinary treat to buy at a certain festival in Yulin.

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Platformation Time Again: The Rayman Situation

Ubisoft is in so much in financial straits that it’s willing to remember they have this historic franchise that built their company back in the day, outside of licensing him so he can sniff coke and enjoy body sushi in a Netflix animated special.

I mean, good for him, but there’s no hiding the fact Ubisoft is making this to (also) try recoup some goodwill… which is obvious bullshit since i do remember when back in the 2010s they held the IP “hostage”, basically saying that if they wanted another 2D Rayman after Origins customers would have to prove their loyalty by buying the new Assassin Creed and their other shit.

Heck, they even did the same shtick for Beyond Good & Evil 2, which has been in development hell for years and at this point i’m sure fans would be pleased if they did just cancelled it instead of vaping up our asses, since i doubt modern Ubisoft is able to make a real follow up to BG&E without… well, “Ubisofting” it to oblivion.

But we’ll deal with that if they ever say anything substantial about it ever again, at the moment Ubisoft is doing some remasters, having launched earlier this year a collection of the many versions and ports of the original Rayman, and conferming the leaked reveal of a Rayman Legends remake…. as in, a graphical remake, meant to include all content that was previously exclusive to the Wii U and then the Switch rerelease.

I don’t necessarily think remaking the game to use 3D models when it’s still a 2D platformer made much sense, but on the other hand they also had the bright idea of including a rerelease of the previous modern 2D Rayman game, with Rayman Origins Enhanced Edition just included in the base release, not beholden to a special launch edition or one of their “deluxe” tiers, which i think it’s a very smart move on their part, as it justifies the price a bit more.

Still pissed off like pretty much all modern Ubisoft…. well, all modern console releasess, even physical copies will require to basically download the entire thing via internet, and i’m sure Origins will just be a voucher to redeem even on PS5.

Sure as hell i won’t be preordering since i still have Wii release of Origins and the original Wii U version of Legends (plus the Switch port), so in case i end up managing to prepare a PTA review on those, i’ll use those mostly for the time being, though there isn’t any review for the rubric coming soon that’s about the French limbless hero of yore.

I’ve considered doing one on the original Rayman but i just couldn’t fit it in the schedule before, and i definitely do not now, i would like to, but i’ve also got a book to write so it ain’t exactly high on my “to do list”. Sorry.

Hopefully Ubisoft can get around to rerelease Rayman 2 and 3, before they likely will kick the bucket-get absorbed by Vivendi or something, i would like at the very least, since i’m not really betting any money in them doing a new 2D or 3D Rayman game detatched from the fuckin “rabbit Minions”.

But then again, a new Spyro has been announced despite Activision-Blizzard, so maybe there is a brighter future awaiting the brainchild or Mr. Ancel, in spite of everything….

Shark Side Of The Moon (2022) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

Asylum time!

Not any of their random ass fucking shark movies… one of their random ass shark movies that The Asylum was commisioned for the streaming service Tubi… okay this is new territory, in a way.

Okay, this is one where i’m not even sure if it’s a mockbuster of something, sure, it released in 2022 as Emmerich’s Moonfall… but the Asylum already did have time to made two mockbuster of that while it was delayed due to the COVID-19 pandemic, so it’s just them doing whatever random crazy bullshit they want.

Which could be fun, since it’s basically them doing a mash up of Iron Sky and Sharkman but with USSR-era man-shark hybrids living on the moon, and i think part of my brain shutdown just in writing that…. so it’s ironically promising, in a roundabout way.

It sound like a lot of random fun crap, what the company often… well, sometimes can excel at, it’s a crapshoot, a monkey feces throwing contest, creatively speaking.

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The GTA 6 Magical Mystery Discless Kerfuffle

So, i’ll try and be brief about this, as you might have already be bored of this shit.

GTA 6 just had its release date (the actual one, at this point) confirmed, its preorders opening tomorrow… but it turns out not only its 80 bucks, these are are gonna be just boxes with a voucher/code to redeem the actual game.

Obviously, this has pissed off a lot of the game playing populace (most of the “gamers TM” do like defending the right of corporations to fuck them over more and more, because they’re gamers), rightfully so, even as the industry pushes even more to a complete digital market monopoly, which is kinda soothing, even if it stems from just wanting at least a fuckin disk with the actual game since it costs 80 bucks.

OR DOES IT?

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Slugs The Movie (1988) [REVIEW] | The Authority To Declare “Happy Birthday”

To complete the Naruto-esque animal trifecta goin on this month, we’re doing the “slug one”.

Well, re-doing, i’ve reviewed this.. more than 10 years ago, so i’m gonna give it a fresh rewatch, even if i do kinda remember some of its ultra-ridiculous scenes, it’s not every day you see shit like a killer slug being accidentally sliced and served into a salad, causing a man to vomit blood and overact so fiercely it could chew the scenery faster the aforemention, doped up aggressive slugs.

In a way it was bound to be a cult classic, since it’s directed by Juan Piquer Simon, a spanish exploitation film director that by then already directed not only the grindhouse slasher cult film Pieces, but also the superhero knock-off of Supersonic Man and the infamous ET rip-off, Pod People/Extraterrestrial Visitors, which was later made a cult classic when Mistery Science Theather got his hands on it, spoofing many scenes and in turn making that episode a cult classic of its own, with the “idiot control now” spoof song and the “Trumpy” riffing making it a must-see episode.

And no, the english title (the original Spanish one being “Slugs: Muerte Viscosa”, translating to “Slugs: Slimy Death”) of Slugs The Movie is oddly accurate, this is based on a book of the name same by Shaun Hutson that released in 1982.

in a way it was a well overdue (yet fitting in a stupid way) addition to the killer animals subgenre, since Frogs released a decade earlier, but unlike that one were the frogs were just one of the animals revolting against the humans, this is mostly about the titular animal, slugs, which are indeed an even more ridiculous creature to repurpose for a “nature revenge” B-movie.

Maybe even more than worms, like, regular ones, but i’m not gonna talk about Squirm.

Not today, at least.

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