[EXPRESSO] Ebenezer (2026) | Humbug Begins

Johnny Depp is trying to come back into mainstream cinema (he was in other, less distributed films like Waiting For The Barbarians before the Depp V. Heard trial), and while there’s literaly no space in this format to tackle the issue with any nuance…. it’s just so obvious how this film really exists mostly to that end, he wants to rehabilitate his public image so let’s play it supersafe, by doing A Christmas Carol adaptation, directed by grindhouse horror renowed Ti West.

…. Sure, why not? Why yes, also, but whatever, you got my attention.

While the pitch – as the title implies – is how this is supposed to be an Ebenezer Scrooge focused story…. this always was his story, it actually trsanslate this adaptation being more faithful to the book and reintegrating some parts of the novel, giving Ebenezer a backstory… which is done to differentiate this version and make people symphatize with him, even if in doing so it – almost – reverses the whole point of the story.

It fares better hiring a horror director to push the creepy aspects of the story, West does well in this regard, as well as the PG13 (and the subject matter) allows, and this time it is by design, unlike the accidental uncanniness of the Zemeckis mocap animation seen in the 2009 Jim Carrey version.

Frrankly, its better than i thought this would be, it’s decent, but it’s obvious it exists just to serve as a vehicle for Depp…. and look, this far from Depp’s worse performance, he’s decent enough as Scrooge, but its just oh so telling how he is notably outclassed by Ian McKellen kinda halfassing it as Jacob Marley, Scrooge’s old business partner, an actually important character, but one often omitted in recent adaptations, and has little screen time even here.

Hunter X Hunter: Phantom Rogue (2013) [REVIEW] | Master of Muppets

Anime movies based around popular shonen series aren’t weird per sé, but just the fact they made Hunter X Hunter anime films feels somehow off to me.

Yes i know Hunter X Hunter has been a big Shonen Jump series…. but it’s not quite your typical shonen manga series, not quite ready-made for the “non-canon original story anime film” pipeline.

Just reading the synopsis i got the feeling this was just a way to extend HXH presence as an anime after the 2011 series ended (and was never continued)…but nope, this was released in Japanese theathers in 2013, in the final stretched of Greed Island arc.

Yet, even so, my gut was somehow correct, this is indeed what it sounded like, something ordered upon from a committee more than anything else, to fatten the suits wallets with cinema money, with a “double hit”, since later the same year Madhouse also released in theathers HXH: Last Mission.

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[EXPRESSO] Wild Horse Nine (2026) | Party In The RA.PA.NUI.

Martin McDonagh (Seven Psychopaths, Three Manifests Outside Ebbing, Missouri, The Banshee Of Inesherin) is back with a black comedy spy thriller, Wild Horse Nine, which takes back to the not-so-funky ’70s, just before the 1973 Chilean coup-de-etat, with the CIA bureau chief, MJ (Steve Buscemi) dispatching two officers, Chris (John Malkovich) and Lee (Sam Rockwell), to Rapa Nui, as in, Easter Island.

The trip from Santiago there already proves hardous, as Chris seemingly suffers from some sort of alzeihmer, while also being overly candid about their motives and intentions, but among the peaceful tourist life and the gazing at the moai, many conspiracies are actually being acted on, putting Chris and Lee longtime friendship and loyalties to the test, especially as Chris befriending a local rebellious girl might sent the whole “operation” (whatever that is) to go belly up…

While the plot actually thickens and progressively reveals the real stakes at play here (or more correctly the machinations), the main crux of the film is how this affects the relationship between Chris and Lee, not only as colleagues but as genuine friends, as both events from the past and future treathen this too, especially due to dangerous cocktail of Chris’s deteriorating memory, its involvement in many secret operations and its questioning of those in his old age…

It’s honestly an amazing film, starts off a bit slow but the pay off is immense, as it manages to be incredibly funny, the comedy fairly brutal, not pulling any punch on the sensitive themes (and political period of yore) it tackles, but also able to deliver devasting emotional blows as well as many quotable lines, and everyone is on top of their game (even if Tom Waits is being progressively “Nick Nolte’d” the more he continues to appear in movies).

Highly recommended.

[EXPRESSO] Hope (2026) | In The Sleepy Little Town Of

Na Hong-jin (The Yellow Sea, The Chaser, The Wailing) is back with Hope, a massive action monster film that it’s actually best enjoyed by going to see it while knowing as little as possible about it, but it easy enough to keep spoiler free and the premise is actually fairly simple.

In the small village of Hope Harbour (situated nearby the Korean Demilitarized Zone), the police chief and his rookie deputy find themselves having to fend off a mysterious creature that has brutalized the livestock, is actively destroying the village and its people, while a hunting party in the woods find themselves stalked….

It doesn’t sound like much, yet there is more to it, as this is basically both a tribute and a mockery of the american action film, taking inspiration from Bong Joon-Ho’s The Host but also being somewhere tribute and parody of the 50s b-movie creature feature (there even the bumbling sheriff protagonist equivalent), with the characters being both cartoonish yet relatable in their incompetence, the director able to switch the tone on the fly and make the comedic bit not feel dissonant, to make intense action scenes Hollywood style then kinda “spoof” them at the same time.

It’s incredibly captivating and its turns more towards sci-fi, but as impressive as it is how it can handle multiple tones, how it builds to reveal not only the real scope and the stakes, but also how it actually manages to make its 2 hours and 40 minutes runtime a relative breeze, there’s always something happening, the action is incredible, and you always want more of everything.

My only gripe is that the CG for creatures can be underwhelming at times, but even with this, i highly recommend what is now one of the best films i’ve seen all years.

The Spooktacular Eight #40: Tokyo Gore Police (2008)

Tokyo Gore Police had been one of my favourites of the Japanese school of 2000s exploitation high on splatter and sexual perversity, but it turns out i’ve never actually reviewed it, just mentioned it as as the “gold standard” for other films of this ilk.

But as i learned of Yoshihiro Noshimura’s passing earlier this May (his last film was Geisha War, released post-humously this September), by actress Eihi Shina (better known for her role in Miike’s Audition and as the lead in Tokyo Gore Police) reflecting on her experience working with him over the years… it’s time to pay my respects to the “Japanese Tom Savini”, as he had been called, and i’m more than happy to oblige.

Especially since Tokyo Gore Police is the first film he ever directed, after having been a special effect and make up supervisor for many films, including Sion Sono’s Suicide Club, the 2003 comedy horror romance A Larvae To Love by fellow guro gonzo filmmaker Noburo Iguchi, and even worked on the special effects for Meatball Machine, directed by Yudai Yamaguchi and Jun’Ichi Miyamoto.

After working with Noguchi again on the fx for The Machine Girl, Noshimura was asked if he wanted to do anothe movie, so he chose to remake his 1995 “short” film, Anatomia Extinction, into what would become Tokyo Gore Police.

Seems kinda silly to even discuss what this movie is about, given its title, but you would miss how and why “ze police” is goring all over the place.

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Riecco Aborym (2007) [REVIEW] | Cross Of The Seven Pences (free Talisman inside!)

I wasn’t expecting to do this review until next year, but i was able to luck out and find in early October an used Bluray of that very rare release of Cross Of The 7 Jewels, which includes as an extra the follow up short film Andolfi made in 2007, Riecco Aborym (which translates to “Aborym is back at it again”, more than “Aborym’s Return”) which has been shown at some regional horror cinema festivals in Italy, but never received a proper release or is officially available to stream, even unofficially i couldn’t find it for the life of me.

It’s early Halloween magic, so let’s make an extra unscheduled effort and conclude the tale of the Neapolitan werewolf man fighting the Camorra in the name of love.

Again, as i said at the end of the Cross Of The 7 Jewels review, i think its on us how this short film even came to be, because it became a popular movie to review and mock in the Italian Youtube scene, an internet sensation (thank to peer-to-peer file sharing making this easier to unearth from the folds of history), so i guess Andolfi noticing how suddendly people were talking about his movie, and decided to “do a sequel” 20 years later.

So yeah, in this way i guess it was ahead of the “legacy sequels” curve…. and only that because this isn’t even a sequel.

Heck, i’d argue this isn’t even cinema.

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The Spooktacular Eight #39: La Croce Dalle 7 Pietre/Cross Of The Seven Jewels (1987)

I wanted to do something special for the werewolf entry of this year’s Spooktacular Eight… and then realized i had the perfect movie hidden under my nose, in a way, because in anno domini 1987, in Italy released La Croce Dalle Sette Pietre (lit “The Cross Of The Seven Jewels/Stones”)….. and by that i do mean it got a theatrical release.

In just 2 theathers in the entire frigging country, but if you were lucky/unlucky enough and you lived in Sicily back in 1987 you could actually go to the cinemas and witness what would become hailed as one of the worst Italian movie ever made, ever.

Then again, an Italian horror movie with werewolves, satanic orgies, and the camorra (a Southern Italian specific mafia-style criminal group originating from Neaples) was always gonna be a cult trash film, especially if made on the cheap and treated as an embarassing relic to disregard.

And with good reason, this is some primo trash that feels made for retrospective reviewers to unearth and poke fun at…. which the movie does deserve, because it’s so unbelievably bad it’s downright magical, it’s that kind of “so bad it’s good” you can never forget.

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[EXPRESSO] Other Mommy (2026) | Doppel Mutter

Know what, i can’t claim that the trailers for Other Mommy were misleading, this indeed the kind of slapdash, jump scare ridden thing you’d expect, boiling down to someone trying to make an entire horror movie about a screenshot of Other Mother from Coraline someone forwaded them.

Bela is a regular kid… well, aside the fact she is friends with an entity that lives in her house and she has come to call “Other Mommy”, because she looks like her actual mother.

The entity has had enough of just being “second banana”, so it manifests in increasingly dangerous fashion trying to sway the girl to her side…

In a way i was surprised because the movie doesn’t play any cheap trick of the “Unsorry Mommy” being just in the child’s imagination or not, this thing is real, tangible and will explode your brain into confetti, and there’s no half the movie predicated on the parents slowly realizing the entity is actually real.

… But that isn’t nearly enough to make this even mediocre, let’s not accept “things do happen” as an actual standard when there’s little to no plot, the characters are paper thin stereotypes, the jumpscares limp, most of the “weird morphing” fees like rejected Backrooms-esque material.

It’s never proper scary, though it’s hard to even feel any tension because not a single character reacts appropriately to anything that happens, they all just shrugh it all off, regardless.

There’s little to no logic (or depth) to almost anything, and frankly this feel like an untentional “supernatural entity” variation of the Pickle Rick episode.

It’s not boring per sé, nor is it “the worse thing ever”, it’s not, yet at just 93 minutes feels stretched, and it’s also not quite unintentionally hilarious, just a “slightly different than expected” kind of garbage.

[EXPRESSO] Onslaught (2026) | Die Dudermensch

On paper, this should be an easy win, even if it’s a bit weird A24 is distributing what is really a genre offering reminescent of 80s exploitation grindhouse action flicks like The Exterminator.

Onslaught is about Celeste, an US army sniper, whom has defacto retired into a parking lot in the New Mexico desert to deal with her PTSD, complicating her troubled family life.

That is, until a trio of genetically engineered super soldiers, created by a former Nazi scientist, escape from the secret experiment bases they were held in, killing everyone in their path, and eventually moving their systematic massacre to Celeste’s parking lot..

Apparently this is a continuation from Adam Wingard’s 2014 movie Guest, which i didnt’ see, and on its own, Onslaught, despit some stylistical apt choices and some good old school practical gore effects, doesn’t really live up to its own title, in every aspect it lacks the substance, it never displays or conveys the raw fury it promises, nor manages to properly develop some of its ideas.

Maybe it would be easier to accept the movie for what it is instead of what could have been…. if it didn’t deliberately AND aggressively built up the final “onslaught” to be some this thing you need to brace for, and frankly you really don’t, it’s not even that excessive.

Even the literal super soldaten are kinda of a letdown, i liked the idea of these being de facto militarized slasher villains… but that is really as far as it goes.

It’s entertaining, the action is fun, the characters mostly stock but okay, and it’s barely above 90 minutes, so it’s not boring and knows to keep things as long as they need to, but you’d wish the movie didn’t set itself up for disappointment as it did.

The Spooktacular Eight #34: Violent Shit (1989)

Ah yes, the other German horror director from the age of video nasties, of when video recording technology becoming affordable alongside a cheap and affordable format for home usage led to some people just shooting the shit on the digital camcorder in their hometown on very low budgets.

I will come forward and admit i haven’t seen any of Andrea Schnass films, i’m quite familiar with Jorg Buttgeireit works on the flipside, but i felt it made sense to start tackling his fellow German DIY horror director, starting from his most well known film, the original Violent Shit, which spawned few sequels, and make clear once more than censorship of this kind will be at best circumnvented, at worst will just force fans of the genre to do what many German horror fans did back in the “video nasty” age, just straight started making these themselves in their backyards.

Figures we eventually feature Schnaas, and i don’t think i did fill the “80s German ultra splatter low budget slasher” slot in my bingo card before on this rubric.

So what is the plot of Violent Shit?

A boy, Karl, comes home a bit late, he gets beat up by his mother, then in revenge murders her with a cleaver.

20 years later, Karl is being moved from his prison to somewhere else by the police, but kills the officers, manages to escape, and with a cleaver (which i guess is a thing growing wild in the Gothic II forests) he goes on a killing spree on the West German countryside, indulging himself in some cannibalism while he’s at it.

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