[EXPRESSO] Savage House (2026) | Duke It Out in YKS

18^th Centhury England, the country is swept by smallpox and Jacobin revolts, not that matters much to Chauncey Savage and Lady Savage, as they get their chance to rehabilitate the fallen house of Savage and its luster when they get news the Duke and Duchess will visit their house, rushing to host a perfect dinner night no matter what it takes.

I do find Savage House a delectable decadent period piece indeed, i think it’s a pretty solid film, yet i feel it does come off a bit short of what it sets out to be.

Aside from the narration that could have been cut almost entirely as it just explains the obvious, it’s kinda funny how the movie presents itself and starts off as a period black comedy ready to depict the decadence of the period in sordid detail…. yet it kinda forgets halfway through and it becomes a fairly typical Victorian era-set period drama about these horrible people being entertaining horrible people with their own schemes and goals.

Yes, occasionally we’ll get people interrupted mid-coitus or performing a rim-job, we’ll see the shit und piss, but – and i can’t believe i’m saying this – i feel the movie could-should have been way more nasty, the acting is good but it kinda goes into more typical period drama machinations and backstabbing with an occasional surreal flair that also isn’t strong or emphasized, like they wanted an arthouse-ish vibe but couldn’t actually committ to that or being peculiary weird or out-there.

It still remain grotesque enough to be interesting, but i feel it kinda loses itself at one point and could have been even better, or less “tame”.

It’s not quite The Favourite, but its a decent, solid effort that i do recommend seeing if you have the chance.

Final Verdict: Decaf

Snakes On A Train (2006) [REVIEW] | Poco-loco-motion

Since we took the opportunity to review Snakes On A Plane some time ago for the movie 20^th anniversary and the 4K UHD Bluray rerelease by Arrow Video meant to celebrate that, i guess it’s inevitable we cover the mockbuster version the Asylum cooked up the same year, as in, Snakes On A Train.

I mean, why not, i got the UK DVD release for peanuts years ago, might as well.

As with most of their mockbusters, the plot is legally distinct from the movie whose cottails they’re riding on, and just shares the same idea/copies the same gimmick, this time a public transport vehicle being filled with killer snakes, a train in this occasion as it’s cheaper to shoot.

In a way, this should have been a really fuckin easy one.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] Disclosure Day (2026) | Those Alien Bastards

Steven Spielberg is back again to revisit his favourite subject, aliens, the third kind of encounters one could have, in Disclosure Day.

I would commend Mr. Spielberg for sticking to this particular subject in this day and age, and indeed having the plo tackle how a sudden revelation and proof of alien life existing and being previously covered up by the government would change things in a modern setting where reality barely registers as such, via a security computer expert going rogue once contacted by a mysterious faction, and an unwilling local meteo woman that finds herself capable of unexpected feats…

But then i saw the film.

I’m just miserable, since Disclosure Day is Spielberg as his worse in recent years, and maybe ever.

Despite allegedly being a passion project and providing the subject, Spielberg seems to half-ass it most of the time, not that there’s much to be done with an embarassingly awful script, so bad it’s outright stupid, full of undeveloped characters with no chemistry spouting embarassingly bad dialogues, doing incredibly stupid shit to an absurd degree, plus one it thinks its so profound despite barely touching upon its own themes.

The runtime its incredibly bloated too, and all feel so absurd by taking place in modern day and have us believe that in the internet age uploading some video files to the web is like hacking one of those 80s mainframe computers that were as big as rooms.

Even with Spielberg as his worse, he’s still better than most and occasionally some scenes will actually be kinda good, entertaining and tense, like the car chases and the train scene, and the cast often delivers performances that are way better than this film deserve, and help carrying the thing.

It’s not unwatchable, but it’s so disappointing and frustrating.

[EXPRESSO] Passenger (2026) | Roadside Hitchin’

I was a bit concerned when i saw Passenger pushed by very little marketing even here, given it’s the new horror movie from respected director Andrè Øvredral (Trollhunter, The Autopsy Of Jane Doe, Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, The Last Voyage Of The Demeter).

The plot involves a couple that has to leave their house and decide to start living on the road, driving their little caravan around the US, but when they stop one night to try and help the victim of some gruesome road accident, it turns out they involutarily picked up a sinister entity, dubbed by early travelers as the “Passenger”…

The premise isn’t bad at all, and i’m glad we have Øvredral directing, because he can actually do effective jumpscares, the photography is good, the characters are decent, the acting is pretty solid too, but Passenger as a whole isn’t even bad, it’s just disappointing, especially coming from a director that has already proved he can do better than this.

most of the script has either half baked ideas or just rehashes very generic horror elements, which is especially true of the “Passenger” itself, this derivative, generic ass looking and acting demon motherfucker, and even with the lore being an American roadside folklore mythology affair, it then pivots into religious territory… which doesn’t really fit.

There are some nice ideas like them using the cinema projector to visualize the entity, but the rules of the entity seems vague at best, often ignored anyway, the setpieces don’t really build upon each other, and overall the movie just doesn’t do anything original, interesting or that hasn’t been done WAY better before.

Passenger isn’t terrible or anything, it’s watchable, but also incredibly disappointing and frustrating, because you can see the better movie this could have been.

[EXPRESSO] They Will Kill You (2026) | Viscerae Satanae

There’s something to say about modern efficiently descriptive titles, as indeed you can get more direct of a title for a horror film than “They Will Kill You”, and it’s indeed pretty on the money, as the plot sees a young woman get recruit as a cleaning lady for the renowed high class hotel Virgil, but soon discover she was actually chosen as a offering to Satan himself, as the Virgil is basically a temple dedicated to him and his (mostly rich assholes) followers.

Little do these cultists know that their chosen sacrifice has undergone a Shaman King styled training arc while in prison, so she’s not stopping at anything on her quest for familiar revenge, especially now that she has been released, and has packed enough tools to do the deed, even if the Virgil has more supernatural shit going on than anyone could ever imagine.

It’s a action horror comedy romp of grindhouse style and proportions,with lots of graphic, deliberately over the top violence and lots of splattering of organs and blood all over the place, very reminescent of Tarantino’s style (down to the breaking down in chapters for twists and character backstories, plus some feet licking early on) and his emulation of the old grindhouse exploitation films, but the supernatural angle helps this stand out, basically making this a sort of revenge battle royale against satanic cultists that are almost as deadly as the ones in Blood.

It’s really fun, and even though the structure might feel a little repetitive, the short runtime helps the action flow fast & hard, plus even if you more or less figured out where it’s gonna go, there’s still plenty of unexpected and weird, over the top but also incredibly entertaining shit to keep the splatterworks and fun factor very high.

Final Verdict: Expresso

[EXPRESSO] 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple (2026) | Charity Zombies

Second part of the 28 Years Later trilogy, The Bone Temple follows up the honestly incredible ending of 28 Years Later, which revealed the “Jimmy” name written on corpses and houses as the namesake for – basically – a posse of cultish killers, like if the droogs from Clockwork Orange were based on reviled UK media personality Jimmy Saville.

This sequel follows up on them, but it’s also quite focused about the character of Dr. Kelso, which makes sense since he was the best part of previous film, as he tries to experiment on a specific “alpha zombie” he dubs Samson, while Spike is forced to enter the “Jimmies”…

it’s an interesting sequel, in the sense it does capitalize on the more interesting and unique parts of the previous films, Kelso’s “bone temple” and the “Jimmy gang”, as director Nia DaCosta (Candyman 2021, The Marvels) leans further with the juggling of different tones, with a scene that borders on being a Rob Zombie-esque delirium, and almost feels “out of place” , even if conceptually on the same vibe of “smoking a morphine joint with my zombie broski”.

This comes at the cost of somewhat downplaying the zombies, in a way, and a film that somehow feels a bit safer than the previous one, even though it arguably has a better pacing and could be argued it’s better than 28 Years Later.

It also feels like what it indeed is, the second part of 28 Years Later “part 1”, as the two films do indeed complete each other, making me wonder if the third and final entry (with a returning character appearing here at the end) will indeed feel as such.

Regardless, 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple it’s still quite good, even with some questionable choices, i absolutely recommend it.

[EXPRESSO] Primavera (2025) | Stabat Mater

Based on the novel Stabat Mater by Tiziano Scarpa, Primavera (lit. Spring) brings up back to early 18^th centhury Venice, where the protagonist, Cecilia, is raised as an orphan taken into the convent-orphanage-music school istititution Pio Ospedale Della Pietà, alongside many other young girls given in custody of the orphanage or simply abandoned there.

Cecilia, now 20 yo, has been living there since infancy, writes letters for her unknown mother, and performs alongside the other girls, trained as orchestra ensembles for the pleasure of wealthy benefactors, but Cecilia love for music is doomed since she’s already been given into marriage to a general, in exchange for generous donations to the convent-orphanage.

Then an aging and ill Antonio Vivaldi comes back to teach at the Ospedale Della Pietà, and he notices Cecilia’s talent, wants to nurture it, in spite of her knowing her musical “career” will end once the Venetian-Ottoman Wars conclude and her promised groom comes back to marry her.

An Italian-French co-production, Primavera is a stark period piece tale of female liberation in a place where religious values come optional to currying favor with the elites in exchange for money, be it in providing brides to nobilmen, compete in audience with other religious-philantrophic, the girls are nothing more than bargaining chips, trained prisoners bound to be sold off one way or another, a film willing to confront the facts that “art” itself can’t magically save, redeem or bend reality’s injustices, yet because of that is also a necessity.

All sustained by terrific acting, and while some might be let down by the fact Vivaldi isn’t the protagonist…. this isn’t his story, is Cecilia’s, and after all, the film doesn’t sugarcoat how Vivaldi himself was treated like shit in life and became famous only a centhury after his death.

Recommended.

[EXPRESSO] Knives Out: Wake Up Dead Man (2025) | Crusader: No Remorse

Sorry for this being later than planned, got sidetracked.

No limited theatherical screening for this one in my area, as with Del Toro’s Frankenstein. Bummer.

Master detective Benoit Blanc is back again for the third Knives Out film, Wake Up Dead Man, called upon to investigate another impossible murder mystery, this time teaming up with a zealous young priest to solve the mysterious murder in the church of a sleepy small town, itself harboring a sordid past that’s about to be uncovered.

If Glass Onion was a huge piss take on not-Elon Musk and his ilk, Wake Up Dead Man goes to a more classic murder mystery scenario type, the religion themed ones, foregoing taking the piss of techbros for taking on the modern realities for the Church and its struggles with new realities, that often are rejected and taken in stride to be more regressive, to harbor hateful, homophobic, fascist-spirited circlejerks of zealots ready to fight the “holy war on the heathens”.

As in, we don’t eat the rich, we eat the bigots as well, makes sense.

This time around we aren’t dropped into the aftermath but we spent a good amount of time characterizing the young priest struggle against the local monsignor and depicting the various, utterly despicable-pitiable soon-to-be-suspects, as Daniel Craig’s character doesn’t show up until 40 minutes in. He’s slightly less fancy this time around, but still a great genre savvy quirky genius detective as ever.

It helps this sequel (though like Glass Onion this can be enjoyed on its own) stand out for itself, which is kinda needed since it’s the third Knives Out film, and in short it’s indeed more of the same, it is what we’ve come to expect from the series, but damn, it’s still quite good, funny and fairly witty stuff.

[EXPRESSO] Avatar: Fire And Ash (2025) | Cigarette Butts

Here we are again.

Somehow “disappointed”.

Sound silly, i know, the second one was admittedly a bit better than i expected and had some surprises in there… this one having a new Nav’i tribe of brutal savages (just short of being cannibals) isn’t enough to stave off boredom, but then again plot comes third or fourth more than usual this time around, taking a backset for just repeating almost verbatim the same plot beats of Way Of The Water, with some extra piles of new stuff that conveniently happens just because the script needs to -once again – free from capture these dumbass characters.

It’s pointless to be angry about an Avatar movie being another pile of shallow, utter nonsense, but this time around is even more boring dull nonsense that goes for a 3 hours equivalent of jiggling keys to infants, and it has framerate issues, which i don’t remember being a thing when i watched Way Of The Water in theathers just 3 years ago.

Maybe i got lucky back then, but regardless of how it looks that way, it’s distracting since it often fluctuates from looking like a big budget cutscene of a videogame, looking like we’re a HD camera feed from the set, looking actually cinematic, and so on.

It’s just insanely distracting and the added motion smoothing almost gave me a headache, and mind you, this was for a 2D screening.

I was reminded of something actually borderline unwatchable, Resident Evil: The Final Chapter, but the sentiment is there, as i wonder why Cameron keeps making tech demo movies for proven tech (or telling a worthwhile plot with this astounding technological prowess), or he just doesn’t go make videogames instead.

Not that anything of this matters, as people will go see this on droves anyway.

[EXPRESSO] Troll 2 (2025) | Altercation Of The Gargantuas

No, not THAT Troll 2, this is the recently released sequel to the Norwegian 2022 film “Troll” esclusive for Netflix.

Memories of Fragasso’s tale of non-trolls and faux-Orson Welles ghost grandpas aside, the plot of this Troll 2 sees the government call back the main protagonists of the first movie, Nora, the troll expert, Andreas, working for the prime minister, and soldier Kristopher, as another giant troll is awaken, and trying to find a solution will have them end up investigating the history of Norway’s christianization, finding a peaceful troll to befriend and help them in stopping the other one.

The first one was decent, this is honestly just a mediocre affair that hasn’t enough of either drama or comedy to sustain itself, so it feels kinda meandering to and fro’ action scenes of the trolls fighting each other, and even by giant monster movie standards, these are way too brief to be satisfying, despite the solid effects for the creatures.

There are subplots and characterizations stubs that ultimately amount to very little as the movie doesn’t develop really anything proper, even with the plot taking an adventure, Indiana Jones-esque bend, it’s all just kinda thrown in there, with too much of the movie spent of re-establishing characters and clumsily giving everyone some emotional baggage; honestly it feels incredibly rushed in every regard, and it’s hard to feel any conflict as not even the actors feel that invested in the stock roles they’re given.

It doesn’t feel like a sequel that took 3 years-ish to make, even just a couple of decades ago this would have been cranked out the very next year (tops) after the original dropped.

While teasing a sequel that might be better, this Troll 2 is simply too generic, cliched and unfocused to rise above mediocrity.