Tentacles (1977) [REVIEW] | Jawsuckers

While i have already set my shark movie picks for the summer, i wanna give you something extra in the “killer aquatic animal” subgenre of Jaws rip-offs that don’t fit the “shark month” criteria… well, because they are not about sharks at all.

(This was supposed to be an extra review for July, but i’m gonna do it now as “compensation” for the Masters Of The Universe movie review having to bedelayed AFTER i posted the schedule)

But make no mistake, this is basically the producer of the original Piranha, Ovidio G. Assonitis, credited as Oliver Hellman, cashing into the Jaws craze by stringing together a lot of old big Hollywood actors and having something to put in theathers ASAP, ideally to get some box office revenue in before Universal released their sequel to the original Jaws.

There’s very little point to go over the plot of Tentacles (“Tentacoli” in its original italian release, which is just the italian word for “tentacles”) because you know the plot outlin-well, the plot everything, this is just Jaws but with a giant octopus doing the terrorizing and killing in the waters of a small beach town.

Some small details are different, but there’s no point circling around the obvious, this is “Octo Jaws” and the characters are also transparent in functioning the same as in Jaws, but look, we have an admittely impressive number of big name Hollywood actors roped in: Bo Hopkins, Shelley Winters, John Huston and even Henry Fonda.

Even with Fonda swapping in and in doing so eluding us from having John Wayne in a Jaws rip-off, i can’t deny this is impressive, and sure did help a lot in marketing the film… as in, good for having those names on the poster and hence working wonders as a honeytrap to sucker people into seeing a very fuckin boring Jaws rip-off.

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[EXPRESSO] Backrooms (2026) | Liminal Architects

I’ll come clean, i’ve heard of this being another creepypasta phenomenon (apparently spurred at random by a single picture never meant to be more than that)… so i immediatly lost interest, as these come off as just another horror frenzy whipped up to make some quick buck in a way or another, so imagine my confusion when i saw the A24 logo for the Backrooms movie trailer.

I guess Ari Aster movies lose more money than they make nowadays, and for the record i never saw the titular web series by Kane Parson, which here directs and writes this film adaptation, nor i will be lambasting Backrooms The Movie because it’s from a Youtube turned horror filmaker, because it’s unfair, and – as i’ve noted before – this pipeline mostly seems to be working out decent or good work, weirdly enough.

The plot is set in the 90s, about Clark, a frustrated man that would like to pursue his dream career as an architect, but he’s stuck running an unsuccessful furniture store, and one day, while checking the electric grid for malfunctions, finds a hidden door in the basement room of the store, leading to a weird labyrynth resembling desolated office spaces, full of weird geometry and irregularly placed objects, that seems to span and lead into a seemingly infinite number or rooms….

Honestly, while you can tell this was spun from the “SCP-creepypasta-analog horror” side of internet trends, the Backrooms film does fare better than i expected.

It’s nothing special, again, and this is basically a “liminal space” iteration of the found footage formula, arguably the more normal film A24 ever distributed, but the plot has some surprises, the sound design is top notch, acting is good, it is entertaining, visually captivating and avoids overexplaining itself into absolute banality.

Decent.

[EXPRESSO] Passenger (2026) | Roadside Hitchin’

I was a bit concerned when i saw Passenger pushed by very little marketing even here, given it’s the new horror movie from respected director Andrè Øvredral (Trollhunter, The Autopsy Of Jane Doe, Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, The Last Voyage Of The Demeter).

The plot involves a couple that has to leave their house and decide to start living on the road, driving their little caravan around the US, but when they stop one night to try and help the victim of some gruesome road accident, it turns out they involutarily picked up a sinister entity, dubbed by early travelers as the “Passenger”…

The premise isn’t bad at all, and i’m glad we have Øvredral directing, because he can actually do effective jumpscares, the photography is good, the characters are decent, the acting is pretty solid too, but Passenger as a whole isn’t even bad, it’s just disappointing, especially coming from a director that has already proved he can do better than this.

most of the script has either half baked ideas or just rehashes very generic horror elements, which is especially true of the “Passenger” itself, this derivative, generic ass looking and acting demon motherfucker, and even with the lore being an American roadside folklore mythology affair, it then pivots into religious territory… which doesn’t really fit.

There are some nice ideas like them using the cinema projector to visualize the entity, but the rules of the entity seems vague at best, often ignored anyway, the setpieces don’t really build upon each other, and overall the movie just doesn’t do anything original, interesting or that hasn’t been done WAY better before.

Passenger isn’t terrible or anything, it’s watchable, but also incredibly disappointing and frustrating, because you can see the better movie this could have been.

[EXPRESSO] Obsession (2025) | Yandere Simulator USA

Apparently there is a youtuber to horror filmakers pipeline/trend and it seems to be panning out fairly well (i haven’t seen Iron Lung yet), even if i never even heard of Curry Barker before, and to be frank i didn’t knew that going into the film, at all, nor it matters much to me.

Set in some modern pre-COVID american small town, Obsession tells the story of “Bear”, a very typical shy boy that works in a music store had a crush on one of his coworkers, Nikki, for a while, but couldn’t muster up the courage to confess even when he could, so he instead uses a “willow wish stick” novelty toy he originally bought on a whim to wish for her love absolute.

But like in every classic “be careful what you wish for” kind of story, Bear gets more than he bargained out of cracking that novelty item, as Nikki’s new sudden behaviour has her go to increasingly creepy, delirious, erratic and violent ways, basically going for that infamous “american yandere” experience, a suburbian flavour of Yuno Gasai for the yanks.

And while it’s funnier than you might expect, it still works tremendously off its simple and apparently “thin” premise, as it commits to it without resorting to cheap jumpscares or trying to destroy your eadrums with sudden volume increase and screaming or shit like that, it builds this tension between Bear and “Nikki”, as the guy is also – for lack of a better word – obsessed to get her affection one way or the other that he’s willing to simply go along with whatever insane or horrific event is thrown is way, despite his fear of Nikki growing stronger every day.

It’s a very good modern take on a very familiar formula, in short.

Recommended.

[EXPRESSO] Lee Cronin’s The Mummy (2026) | Sacrifice Unto Sebek

As the title implies, this isn’t really a remake of the classic 1932 Universal film, nor a reboot of the 1999 Frasier starring film (which is actually coming in a couple years, because we live in the past permanently in the future), but more of a new retelling of the mummy and its mythology.

Set in modern days, we have a family that – while briefly living in Cairo – suffers the disappearance of the youngest daughter, Katie, by a mysterious woman.

8 years later, the family is still heartbroken but had to somewhat moved on, until they receive the news from Egyptian authorities of Katie being found in a 3000 years old sarcophagus, which itself somehow survived a deadly plane crash.

Even stranger, Katie is found, heavily scarred, wounded, in a catatonic state but alive, so she is brought back into the family, but soon her behaviour becomes even more worrying and strange events afflict the family…

Lee Cronin’s take on the classic monster has some nice ideas to make it distinct and not just a rehash of the old mummy myth, modernizing with a touch of folk horror and some creepy ambience, but it’s not fully realized as it relies a bit too much on other horror cliches, to the point it basically pivots to be just another exorcism film with an Egyptian flavor topping.

Props for it actually taking place a lot in Egypt and involve actively egyptian characters (instead of just having scenes in Cairo at the beginning), plus there is some good gore, but it never becomes properly scary, nor it manages to escape some overdone trapping with exorcism/possession films, the good acting helps as the characters ain’t much more than functional, and the script could have used some trimming, as the runtime feels bloated.

The Mummy Resurrection (2022) [REVIEW] | Budget Mummies

Since we’re getting a new Mummy movie meant as a stand-alone thing unrelated to the old, forsaken Dark Universe, i’ve figured instead of reviewing again 2017’s The Mummy and boring myself to tears, i might be more interesting to review a random mummy themed horror film i found new on Amazon for 4 bucks and bought sight unseen.

No prior research, just unwrapped the thing from my library and saw it, for a change.

The result of this dice throw is both not good, but also kinda interesting and not as bad as i would have assumed.

Still bad, but the more interesting kind of “bad”.

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[EXPRESSO] Ready Or Not 2: Here They Come (2026) | Competitive Shemhamforash-ing

The first Ready Or Not was a refreshing modern twist on the classic formula first pioneered by The Most Dangerous Game, as in, fiv-i mean seven years ago the modern “eat the rich” subgenre of horror wasn’t yet saturated to exhaustion, and of crap like HIM (not the band) or Blink Twice.

So making a sequel isn’t necessarily a good idea, especially since the approach is quite simple, as it double downs with more of everything, taking place immediatly after the ending of the first one, with Grace’s survival setting in motion a bigger ritual that involves the other elite families reunited to take part in a manhunt to obtain a seal of ultimate power, again against Grace, and her estranged sister that gets forcedly roped into this satanic mess.

I mean, to make my point, this released the same month as They Will Kill You, which is also an action horror comedy about a devil worshipping cult made of powerful rich assholes and the protagonist is in this mess because of her sister, though the context isn’t the same, the style is far more grindhouse, even the usage of the supernatural element is for slightly different purposes.

Even so, the question is inevitable, and i would say this is the better film, as the approach of more of the same actually works for this sequel, there’s simply more to the plot, to the characters, bigger stakes, a proper sense of escalation, less repetition and a better handling of its themes (even as they have become overly familiary by now) making for a fun and funny action horror romp.

Comparisons asides (i’d say just watch them both if you can), it’s a good sequel and i gotta admit, it’s still funny to see people explode like rubberbanded human watermelons.

The Food Of The Gods (1976) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

As we gotta have a Bert I. Gordon film in the rubric every year, i figured we’d might as well knock off one of his lesser known films, as in, i don’t think color when i think B.I.G., but he did work until well beyond the 50s up into the 90s, and before passing away in 2023, he did screenwriting work for 2014’s Secret Of A Psychopath.

This is from the short lived “Wells period” of his career, working with Samuel Z. Arkoff’s American International Pictures, though this isn’t the first time he adapted the Wells novella, since his 1956’s Village Of The Giants film also took the entire basic premise of a substance that makes people grow larger to join the giant humanoid trend of The Amazing Colossal Man but mostly used to make another entry in the “teensploitation” trend that was going on at the time with surf movies and shit.

This time is a less bastardized adaptation, and by that i mean it actually uses the H.G. Wells moniker and is slightly more faithful to book… at least its basic premise, since it doesn’t cover most of the more interesting chapters and its themes, it basically reduces it to another “nature revenge” plot, which indeed was all the rage after Jaws, as already discussed plenty of times.

Meaning this has more to do with the unproduced kaiju film Nezura (and -again – Jaws and the) than Food Of The Gods, since the focus here is on giant rats that have eaten the “FOTG”, in this case a substance springing from the ground in a farm in British Columbia, with the farmer, Mr. Skinner, considers it a gift from God himself, feeds it to the chickens, which grow to giant size, and so do wasps, grubs, and rats, making the island overrun by giant vermin.

Unaware of this, a professional football player and some his teammates head there for a hunting trip, but they get more than they wanted from it…

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[EXPRESSO] Whistle (2025) | Must Have Been The Aztec Wind

I’m not bothering with the new Scream sequels, for reasons that should be obvious (including its collaboration with GenIA crap and gambling giant Kalshi), so instead i did went to see this little new-ish horror film called Whistle.

This one also isn’t breaking any new ground, being a very typical teen slasher, this time about an Aztec sacrificial whistle, said to be used in order to call upon Death itself and offer it the souls during ritual sacrifices. After causing the mysterious death of a high school basketball player, 6 months later the death whistle shows up in the locker of a newly transferred girl with a troubled past of drug abuse, and alongside some of her new classmates, she hears the hellish sound it produces, which also signifies Death itself will come for them sooner than it should….

Yeah, you’ve heard this before, and yes, this is basically another variation on/of Final Destination, just using the old “Aztec curse instrument” spin to avoid being a complete rip-off, but it likeable how it basically owns the fact is not doing anything original, it knows, so it doesn’t even bother to be mysterious, and decides it might as well have some fun and give audiences what they expect.

Unsubtle as fuck, by design, the characters also being very typical but mostly stereotypes stock as ever, especially the jocks, the plot hits very expected beat like clockwork, and while i do wish it didn’t straight up copy the finale of Countdown, Whistle does seek out to entertain more than scare, and it does manage to do that, thanks to a brisky pace, decent acting and honestly decent-to-good gore effects and grisly supernatural kills.

It’s entirely forgettable but also quite serviceable slasher interested only in being entertaining and gory more than anything else.

[EXPRESSO] Send Help (2026) | Triangle of Sodness

Sam Raimi is back to cinemas with Send Help, which tells the tale of Linda Liddle.

Linda works as strategist for her company, and has been promised a vice-president role by the late CEO and father of the current one, Bradley, but she is shunned and humiliated by him when it becomes known he will put his incompetent friend, Donovan, in charge.

He still decides to invite her to a corporate flight as a gesture before axing her, but fate has is that the plane crashes, and only Linda and Bradley survive it, finding themselves stranded on a deserted island. Linda isn’t too fazed, as she also knewn a lot of survivalist tactics and skills (enough to try her hand at competing in a survival reality show), as even back in the office she was the actual employee holding the company together with their ability to actually get shit done, much to the disgust of the nepo baby that is Bradley.

The two end up having to work together, and put together their mutual hatred in order to survive and eventually get rescued…. or not.

While the plot it’s basically a mixture of familiar beats you’ve seen before, mostly Cast Away and stuff like Triangle Of Sadness, but mashed together very well, tackling the overdone “eat the rich” angle of late (alongside the obvious themes of workplace toxicity and corporate misoginy) but with a clever and funny script, many twists and some terrific performances by Rachel McAdams and Dylan O’Brien.

It’s also so very a Raimi movie, full of his sensibilities, which include a lot of projectile vomiting, ropes of blood shooting everywhere (to name the tamer ones), and his comedic horror sensibilites are full on display and recognizable as ever, great to have him back in full form.

Recommended!