Shark Exorcist 2: Unholy Waters (2024) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

I make no secret that i veheemently hate Shark Exorcist, i’ve always hated it well before i re-reviewed it for the blog “shark month”, and while i’m not making a “Worst 10 Shark Films” listicle because there’s always something worse i haven’t seen or that just released that would make that obsolete very fast, if i did, i would put Shark Exorcist as the reigning champion of shit.

Not that Donald Farmer was ever a good director, he always made trashy B to Z movies, but this one i believe was maliciously made extra bad by design, but then again having 40 years of experience in trash cinema doesn’t guarantee you’ll retain any know-how, or care to even put on a semblance of any competence you’ve gathered, as it was frankly barely indistiguishable from crap like Jurassic Shark, made obviously by a bunch of kids with a camera and zero experience.

Again, it took some nega-effort to make Mark Polonia look like Spielberg in comparison, but Shark Exorcist was indeed something special, not your everyday homegrown Z-grade shark trash.

So when i learned last year Donald put out a sequel, Shark Exorcist 2: Unholy Waters back in 2024, 10 years after the first one…. i knew i had to cover it, and i’m not gonna let it fester too much in my mind this time, we’re doing this now so we can move on.

Here i’d discuss the plot but we already did the bit on the review of the first Shark Exorcist, which had a premise, an idea of a plot, not really an actual plot besides the first 5 minutes, or any actual structure, just random padding, “plot lines” that go nowhere, even calling it a “narrative gibberish” it’s too kind in hindsight, since it honestly doesn’t even have an ending or a proper resolution…. it just kinda stops, and reaches a runtime of 74 minutes just because of random post-credit padding.

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One Piece Day (?) Throwaway Musings

Yes, apparently One Piece Day just happened to be scheduled on August 10th last year, officially this year gonna be on the 22-23 Of August, and so it might seem pretty early to discuss things that in 2 weeks might not even matter or instead be addressed, but since on the 16th the blog goes on hiatus as usual, and i usually reserve/consider August as One Piece Month, i will be rambling a bit anyway.

about One Piece in general. what else?

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[EXPRESSO] Deep Water (2026) | Shark Ditching

Renny Harlin, better known as the director of the original Deep Blue Sea, Cliffhanger and Cutthroat Island, having finished early this year the new awful Strangers trilogy nobody asked for, he’s back doing what he’s best known for: sharks.

Actually, that’s kinda unfair, as Deep Water is mostly a survival film about an international flight that crashlands somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, with the surviving passenger and crew members forced to find a way to survive and escape the deadly debris of the torn plane, while also avoid being picked off by a group of shark cycling around them.

Mind you, i’m glad there are sharks in the film, frankly i would have been surprised if they weren’t, because this is such a deliberate throwback to late 90s disaster-survival films and horror b-movies of this ilk, with just a veneer of realism to avoid it killing any tension.

Do not let the fact some of the characters we’re presented before or on the plane include esports squads, grandmas saying “you’re a 5 out of 10” impropted to people, ipad kids, the attitude and cliches are done in such a retro fashion, from the characters being either rude assholes or saints, with an expecially assholish one that you know has a “shark food soon enough” label, and which you indeed look forward to see its inevitable fate come to pass, the kid character being clever yet tempting death at least twice, the heroic sacrifice by the consumate character actor that is arguably on autopilot, etc.

Deep Water is essentially a 90s styled disaster-survival-shark film, and its retro nature it’s both charming but also obviously dated…. yet in this case i think it comes off as a decent genre thrill ride of yore, and better because it’s confident in what it is.

Great White Death (1981) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

The frenzy was immediate, the clones numerous and fast, sometimes bothering to swap the shark for some other animals, waterbound or not.

But the mid-70s were also the period for exploitation cinema blooming into grindhouse theathers and drive-ins, and among them there was also the “Mondo movie” craze… well, it was that trend of exploitation still surviving almost 2 decades after the 1962 film Mondo Cane (an italian idiom translating roughly to “Doggone World/The World’s Gone To The Dogs”).

While the cannibal craze was indeed at its peak, with good ol’ Cannibal Holocaust releasing just 1 year prior, director and producer Jean-Patrick Lebel figured you could mix the “killer shark” and “shockumentary” subgenre in one, so the world was given Great White Death.

And you know it’s gonna be a good one when they have not one but two different title “sequences” that still use the same title.

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[EXPRESSO] The Odyssey (2026) | Our 1UP Man

I will say that there are legitimate criticism to be made about this new Nolan adaptation of the greek epic, especially those about historical accuracy, in a movie that opts for a realistic war movie-ish tone…. but on the other hand, what did people expect when Anne Hathaway is Penelope and one of the first thing we saw about the film were those superhero style armors?

Since it not even a 3 hours long film, it doesn’t opt for a complete retelling, but in line with Nolan’s style, the whole thing is framed as “ memory box/machine” for Odysseus to unravel as he wakes up from 7 years of oblivion (as the lotus flowers he was fed make people forget) on Calypso’s island, this after ending the 8 year longs Trojan War via his wooden horse ploy, and had many adventures on his attempt to reach his home island of Ithaka.

There his wife, Penelope, has held off contenders to the throne for 20 years via a scheme, and his son, Telemachus, that still believes his father is alive, goes searching for him, while Odysseus himself comes home posing as a vagrant, only to prove his identity and slaughter the disrespectful contenders that leeched off his hospitality.

It does most of the expected stories of the epic, while taking various liberties (especially in the Polyphemus encounter) and arguably omitting a lot, but i’ll say that despite some flaws (the superhero style armours, trying to frame the Greek morality in a certain way, the Hollywood casting), Nolan’s The Odyssey does live up to expectations, delivering a powerful rendition of the poem in a way that calling “epic” does actually seem fit, it has that gravitas and majesty of the old Hollywood, it’s arguably one of Nolan’s best in a while too.

Cyclone (1978) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

I’ve been putting off this one for years because of one specific aspect: that they killed a real dog for it, as i’ve heard this repeated on as a truth, and honestly that alone made me push it down the priority list, which might sound weird since i’ve seen a decent amount of cannibal movies, and i have pet turtles, to boot, which made that scene really hit me hard the first time around.

And i wasn’t really gonna google how a cooked dog looked like, so yeah….

Well, turns out after a bit of research that they didn’t actually kill a dog, and in a way i should have known, since Cyclone (also known as Terror Storm) is from exploitation sleaze extraordinarie Rene Cardona Jr., and while he did actually kill real sharks for Tintorera (and also he did immediatly jump on making a film adaptation of the Jonestown Massacre, remember)… once i saw the movie it’s obviously not the case, and the supposed “skinned dog” it’s a chicken, they edit in a way to make it look “real”… but if you actually stop to look at the way it’s edited it’s obviously not real, and the blood is so obviously fake stage blood, plus he’s holding the blade against the dog on the dull part.

I wanna believe Rene Cardona Jr. couldn’t get away with killing one of man’s best friends.

Yeah, regardless, this one is not for dog lovers…. well, unless you consider them a culinary treat to buy at a certain festival in Yulin.

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[EXPRESSO] ChaO (2025) | Suzaku’s Choice

I’d say the Japanese had the fascination with mermaids steam from the old fishemen’s tale of the nyngyo but in the case of Yasuhiro Aoki’s ChaO, this is more reminescent of the old American romantic comedy Splash by Ron Howard, not a direct remake but still about a man that finds himself engaged to a mermaid that saved his life, though here he doesn’t remember doing so, yet is pushed into being the fianceè and husband-to-be of the mermaid princess Chao, as the situation is favorable to the man’s boss, a transportation mogul, despite initially being kinda put off by Chao’s out-of-water appearance of a bipedal fish.

I’d say the main issue is that the plot is fairly thin and predictable, but the movie is definitely aware and Yasuhiro Aoki instead decides to focus on the love story AND in delivering insanely creative visuals, with deliberately weird, off-kilter character designs, not just relegated to the magical sea creatures just living alongside humans, but the humans themselves already have a distinct design even when they are regularly proportioned, and aren’t just giant toddlers, have giant heads or spherical bodies, or weird elongated limbs.

It’s very visually striking and interesting, definitely helps to have Hiroshi Takiguchi (also behind many Shinkai films) as the creative director here too, and animation studio 4°C help deliver the remarkable extreme sensory overload that goes along an otherwise very nice, very sweet but predictable romance, most likely because they know the romance itself is fine but not original (despite the political undertones since the marriage is basically sold as a public “race relation PR stunt”), and hence could use some great visuals, even some cool actions scenes and a fitting bonkers direction to go along with it.

Definitely worth seeing, even more as it just 90 minutes.

[EXPRESSO] Yoshi and The Mysterious Book NSWITCH2 | Creature Comforts

Yoshi games nowadays seem to have a bad rap and this subseries has definitely struggled to forge its own identity while people (allegedly) just wanted a “proper” Yoshi’s Island 2, and struggled to co-exist with another less challenging Nintendo platformer series, Kirby, somewhere above that but below the average 2D Mario in terms of difficulty.

Yoshi and The Mysterious Book more than Crafted World (also developed by Good Feel) looks back at the long time maligned N64 entry, Yoshi’s Story, in terms of taking risks and skewing the old classic formula for something a bit different, while building on the old gameplay basics that do make a Yoshi 2D platformer.

With the premise of helping a mysterious illustrated talking encyclopedia, Mr. E, we go inside his pages to basically play a saurian Mr. Attenbourough, as it ain’t much about reaching a level “exit” but researching the mysterious odd creatures (which you can then rename) that dwell inside the mustached tome, by interacting with them, which also means using the new gimmick of tailswiping a creature-enemy on your back and using its abilites, which range from spreading spores, blooming flowers, creating bubbles, exploding, etc.

It focuses so much on exploration and a puzzle-like usage of how the various critters interact with the enviroment that while there are some platforming challenges and fail states objectives in the various levels, there’s no real health bar or deaths per sé, which is undeniably a radical choice in addressing the often lamented low difficulty of Yoshi games.

Honestly, i think it works because it’s still a joy to explore the levels, find all collectables, and the creature usage isn’t a cheap gimmick, since it helps in keeping every level full of new little surprises and creative ideas, though it’s a bit on the short side.

Shark Listings & The Mini-Summer Of EDF

As previously announced, we’ll have the usual 6 shark movie reviews but this year they will be sliced with 2 every month until August, we already begun the month with the Hindi language shark-laden masala film, Aatank, and that’s literally just the antepasta, there’s plenty more of far weirder shark related shit to see and talk about.

Also previously announced in that previous article, it’s how we’ll have a mini “Summer Of EDF”.

A fun sized version because there’s simply nothing else bearing the name EDF left to review, aside from the PS Vita expanded port of 2017/EDF 3 that is stilly a digital only 30 bucks thing on PSN and what, the mobile autoclicker EDF 4.1 Tap Wars?

As much as i would love to keep talking EDF games, we have only the PS2 tactical spin-off and the EDF 4.1 shmup spin-off left to cover, so look forward to the reviews of those, and remember that the EDF will -inevitably- deploy.

Again. Not soon, as EDF 7 (thought it should be called X for reasons obvious if you played EDF 6) isn’t a thing, but we know that eventually Sandlot will make another one, and i’d prefer for the team to rest and come back with something even more stupid, crazy and fun than before.

I mean, D3 could still outsource a “boomer shooter” spin-off, they did one for Starship Troopers, so….

Aatank (1996) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

Ah yes, foreign Jaws “rip-offs”, my favourite blend of shark trash.

I’m leaving the Turkish Çöl for another time, as we’re tackling one of the most featured ones in such lists (and prominent for obvious alphabetical reasons), the Indian Aatank, which itself had a troubled production history, being shot in the 1980s but not released until 1996, and being the last film appearance of a beloved Hindi actor (and politician), Dharmenda.

at least according to most sources, i can’t really corroborate from experience.

Though it’s worth being upfront in how this is another case where it being labelled a “Jaws rip-off” is mostly misleading, though kinda of a necessary evil to lure in people that wouldn’t have bothered at all if i didn’t say shit like “Bollywood Jaws”.

This is not to say that it’s random and unfitting, the movie has a killer shark in it…. but technically the same could be said of Back To The Future Part 2 due to the “Jaws 19” hologram.

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