Bad CGI Sharks (2019) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

With a title like that, you know you’re either in for something that will serve as a perfect snapshot of the era, or you’re gonna eat some rotten bait, punished for willingly walking into an ACME trap.

I do like how to the point it is, like, you already know how crap these modern shark movies are, we’re gonna come clean and maybe lower your expectations even further to the point you may actually like our film, if it can actually somehow rise above being another self-deprecating joke stretched to feature lenght runtime?

This one was also surprisingly elusive since it never streamed on something available here, and out of pure stubborness i ended up importing the US DVD release, i guess Wild Eye Releasing has an exclusive deal of sorts just with Mark Polonia.

That said, this is in a way the “bad shark movie to end all shark movies”, despite some issues we’ll go over, after we go over the plot, because Bad CGI Sharks actually has one.

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[EXPRESSO] Disgaea Mayhem PS5 | Flaccid Flannery

Turns out the demo for Disgaea Mayhem wasn’t really that misrepresentative.

Yes, the full game IS is better than the demo, but also indicative of this being indeed a cheap project the company really didn’t believe in, one they just kinda slapped the Disgaea name on to ensure it sells some copies, even if it the story fits the zany nature of the NIS series, being about a mercenary tasked by an Overlord princess, Tichelle, to retrieve legendary flan desserts from demons that defected from her army.

Combat isn’t as refined as more recent traditional Warriors title or Dynasty Warriors Origins, but it’s decent, there are some fun weapon movesets, the borrowed mechanics from the Disgaea games help, overall the core gameplay is good enough.. shame there’s really nothing around it, just a handful of overly simple levels that are frankly interchangeable, as they have nothing going on: no bases system, no attempt at any kind of gimmick, nothing.

Just kill very small amount of peons, do it two more times, then reach the level boss area.

It feels like a musou game made by people that never actually played a musou game.

Rinse and repeat 3 times for most of the few story chapters, maybe stopping a bit to grind if underleveled, not that it’ll make the campaign last more than 6 hours, with very few post-game content as well, gated behind way too much grind, and it’s easy to accidentally overlevel yourself, killing the little “balance” it had going on.

Plus frankly the game looks cheap, like a late PS Vita project resurrected and souped up a bit.

Yet, i don’t find Disgaea Mayhem to be THAT bad, it’s “just” disappointing, underwhelming, overly basic (to the point it feels half-baked as a whole), very short and content starved.

Sand Land manga [REVIEW] | ♪ ‘Cause Beezlebub ♪

Akira Toriyama needs no introduction, but most of his non-Dragon Ball or Dr. Slump related works do often fall through the cracks, so to speak…. so one wonders why the hell in 2023 and 2024 there was a sudden deluge of adaptations of his Sand Land manga series.

Even here we got a new edition for the manga as a small volume or a deluxe big one inclusive of extra material, alongside the film, the anime series on Disney Plus and even a videogame for PS4/PS5/X-Box Series and PC was made.

It wasn’t even an anniversary thing as Sand Land was released in 2000.

I guess why not, 2023 was kind of a slump for most DB related projects, mostly leading up to the announcement of Sparking Zero, and i guess why not, just using the Akira Toriyama name ensures sales, and unlike most of his other short stories that were eventually compiled in volumes alongside other one-shots (like Pola & Roid, for example), people knew of Sand Land existing, as the “desert manga with demons and tanks made by the Dragon Ball guy”.

Sure as hell was more well known than Nekomajin.

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Veteran Of The PSN Wars + The August Shakedown

Almost as a divine punishmen (or a reality check), 4 days ago the entire PSN infrastructure went down for an entire day, while Sony is still standing by their decision to abandon physical moving forward, and despite a remarkable backlash that hopefully will keep going, because it should be going and make the company reverse course.

Because, let’s be real, even Microsoft initially said that the X-Box One had to be online only (or how Kinect was gonna be mandatory for it), i remember them telling people off to “go buy a 360 instead, you peasants… and it all had to be walked back when it became both unpopolar and unappealing to customers.

This isn’t fuckin holy text, it’s business, and while i still wish people used half of this outrage for more pressing political issues instead of letting apathy steer us into an Orwellian novel, i’m not here to go on that soapbox… or so i would say if they didn’t immediatly made the gesture pointless by telling it has an expiry date, in a week they’re gonna stop.

As i said before, sadly “gamer boycotts” is a joke in itself for a reason.

I’m not here to tell you what i was obviously gonna think about the issue (of course i was gonna say this situation it’s shit, it’s beyond just “shit”, it’s far worse), i’m here to go full Abe Simpson, sit by the lemon tree and just think back to 2011, when the Playstation Network was hacked and Sony gave everyone a couple of free games.

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The Mouse Trap (2024) [REVIEW] | Unhappy Mappy

I swore this off when it came out, even more since i did end up covering all the 3 fucking Popeye slashers that came out last year, but we’re getting at least one more of those, and apparently more of “Steamboat Willie as a horror movie” as a sequel for this was greenlit very soon (one month) after this one dropped in August 2024.

Plus this showed up today on my Amazon Prime Video feed, and since i’ve basically done the same with the Winnie The Pooh horror films, i guess it was indeed inevitable, so consider it a bonus review to excuse the Global Defence Force Tactics retrospective piece getting bumped to August.

I’ve already said a lot of what i thought about these kind of productions in my reviews of both the aforementioned Winnie The Pooh Blood And Honey films and the various Popeye slashers, but in case you weren’t aware, this is actually “patient zero” for this new trend among the bottom feeders of the indie horror scene, as in, waiting for a specific work’s copyright to expire and as soon as possible jump on its new public domain status to do a quickie cashgrab in the form of a cheap low budget slasher flick; the virus might mutate but so far this is the route chosen, as it’s easy, obvious and so brazenly shameless it will put eyes on your piece of shit.

More specifically, this exists because the famous Disney short featuring Mickey Mouse, Steamboat Willie, fell into the public domain on January 1, 2024, just that, meaning THAT Mickey Mouse’s appearance was “fair game”, not the other interpretations/designs/incarnations that followed, as Disney owns the copyright to those.

And Canadian filmmakers Jamie Bailey and Simon Philipps were eager to cash that “mouse money”, as they announced the film (as Mickey Mouse’s Trap, as if they ever expected that title to actually pass legit) on the very same day Steamboat Willie’s became public domain material.

More unbelievable was that this was supposed to get a theathrical release… it didn’t.

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Disgaea Mayhem PS5 [DEMO] | FIRST IMPRESSIONS

So, yeah, NIS hasn’t been too vocal about it, but yes, they are doing basically “Disgaea Musou/Warriors”, just in-house, and it comes out on the 23th, in a couple of weeks, i’ve actually preordered the Limited Edition this time, but i’ve seen the demo pop up, might as well give it a whirl.

And let’s just say i wasn’t impressed… actually i was baffled, but for different reasons that you might think.

The reasons being that this is an AWFUL demo.

Like, it’s become clear NIS has no faith in this game, but a demo like this feels just short of self-sabotage, like they actually want this to fail? What the fuck is the point of even throwing this together?

The demo already befuddles on the first impact because there is no story or cutscenes at all, you’re thrown into an empty little hub with a single Prinny to talk to in order to access the three levels/stages on offer; so already if you wanted Disgaea’s style of comedy you’ll have to check the inventory for the “demo weapons, not for sale” bit in the info boxes.

What the demo does have is three special demo stages, but they sure don’t feel special, they are of slightly rising difficulty, but barely so, and they are so short that i was able to see all the content in the demo in about 15 minutes.

Some demos give away too much, but the one for Disgaea Mayhem is exactly the opposite.

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[EXPRESSO] ChaO (2025) | Suzaku’s Choice

I’d say the Japanese had the fascination with mermaids steam from the old fishemen’s tale of the nyngyo but in the case of Yasuhiro Aoki’s ChaO, this is more reminescent of the old American romantic comedy Splash by Ron Howard, not a direct remake but still about a man that finds himself engaged to a mermaid that saved his life, though here he doesn’t remember doing so, yet is pushed into being the fianceè and husband-to-be of the mermaid princess Chao, as the situation is favorable to the man’s boss, a transportation mogul, despite initially being kinda put off by Chao’s out-of-water appearance of a bipedal fish.

I’d say the main issue is that the plot is fairly thin and predictable, but the movie is definitely aware and Yasuhiro Aoki instead decides to focus on the love story AND in delivering insanely creative visuals, with deliberately weird, off-kilter character designs, not just relegated to the magical sea creatures just living alongside humans, but the humans themselves already have a distinct design even when they are regularly proportioned, and aren’t just giant toddlers, have giant heads or spherical bodies, or weird elongated limbs.

It’s very visually striking and interesting, definitely helps to have Hiroshi Takiguchi (also behind many Shinkai films) as the creative director here too, and animation studio 4°C help deliver the remarkable extreme sensory overload that goes along an otherwise very nice, very sweet but predictable romance, most likely because they know the romance itself is fine but not original (despite the political undertones since the marriage is basically sold as a public “race relation PR stunt”), and hence could use some great visuals, even some cool actions scenes and a fitting bonkers direction to go along with it.

Definitely worth seeing, even more as it just 90 minutes.

[EXPRESSO] Toy Story 5 (2026) | Adeptus Ludicrumicus

I’ll skip the spiel about the increasingly pointlessness of the series’ messages as just Toy Story 4 existing made clear there’s no “growing out” of Pixar’s most profitable long-time franchise, there’s no letting go while we make this much money.

Actually, no, since there’s this implied sense of resignation about the idea of growing up that permeates Toy Story , as Bonnie is basically the same age as she was in TS4 (released in 2019), the movie just acknowledges smart devices and social networks, but it also glosses over much of the ramifications of these with wanton, lazy optimism; “ the technological divide will work itself how somehow, whatevs”, the movie seems to say.

Also, the way which some characters like Woody return basically retroactively invalidate previous resolutions, they are back for nostalgia’s sake, and this isn’t clearly about keeping in touch with the child inside, but an implied capitulation to the nurturing of an “eternal manchild within” that can never stop (or wanna stop) buying the same old toys.

But most of you already knew that, and despite all of the above, i have to say this is at least better than Toy Story 4, it has bit more of a reason to exist since the plot is about the toys having to content with generations raised on smart devices, with Bonnie pressured to conform in order to make friends of her age, which results in the parent buying them a kids tablet, a “Lilypad”.

All things considered, it’s a decent movie in itself, the animation is great as always, and the highlight is indeed the army of Buzz Lightyears (alongside the “dream sequences”), but even that feels kinda random, like they had the idea and kinda crammed it because they already had the marketing lean heavily into that.

[EXPRESSO] Savage House (2026) | Duke It Out in YKS

18^th Centhury England, the country is swept by smallpox and Jacobin revolts, not that matters much to Chauncey Savage and Lady Savage, as they get their chance to rehabilitate the fallen house of Savage and its luster when they get news the Duke and Duchess will visit their house, rushing to host a perfect dinner night no matter what it takes.

I do find Savage House a delectable decadent period piece indeed, i think it’s a pretty solid film, yet i feel it does come off a bit short of what it sets out to be.

Aside from the narration that could have been cut almost entirely as it just explains the obvious, it’s kinda funny how the movie presents itself and starts off as a period black comedy ready to depict the decadence of the period in sordid detail…. yet it kinda forgets halfway through and it becomes a fairly typical Victorian era-set period drama about these horrible people being entertaining horrible people with their own schemes and goals.

Yes, occasionally we’ll get people interrupted mid-coitus or performing a rim-job, we’ll see the shit und piss, but – and i can’t believe i’m saying this – i feel the movie could-should have been way more nasty, the acting is good but it kinda goes into more typical period drama machinations and backstabbing with an occasional surreal flair that also isn’t strong or emphasized, like they wanted an arthouse-ish vibe but couldn’t actually committ to that or being peculiary weird or out-there.

It still remain grotesque enough to be interesting, but i feel it kinda loses itself at one point and could have been even better, or less “tame”.

It’s not quite The Favourite, but its a decent, solid effort that i do recommend seeing if you have the chance.

Final Verdict: Decaf

[EXPRESSO] The Amazing Digital Circus: The Last Act (2026) | I Have No Pomni And I Must Scream

Having quite enjoyed the webseries in question, i was surprised to see Gooseworx have a premierè release in theathers of the final episode, ahead of its regular release on Youtube on the 19^th of June, and somehow we got a release here in Italy too. Impressive.

That said, i will try to keep this review as spoiler free as possible, even though i’ve got no idea why would you be reading the review of a series final episode you didn’t care or heard about, but just in case i will explain the overall premise.

The Amazing Digital Circus is about a series of people forcibly trust into a virtual reality program of the same name, unaware of who they were before and trust into the digital flesh of cartoony avatars, with no prospect of exit in sight and being commanded-tended to by an IA ringmaster, Caine, whom sends this mismatched gaggle of amnesiacs “prisoners” on oddball adventures.

It’s “very” reminescent of the classic horror short story I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream (mostly remember nowadays thanks to the 1995 videogame adaptation by Cyberdreams), but mostly played more for comedy, alongside mystery (and existential dread for good measure), as the protagonist, a jester girl dubbed Pomni tries to adapt and see if there’s anyway out of the “circus”..

FYI, this is actually a recut that includes Episode 8. a recap and the hour long Episode 9 (the final one indeed).

Again, keeping it spoiler free…. i did quite like the ending, it does strike a good balance between being “positive” AND actually a bit more depressing than it already seemed when you stop to think about it.

Regardless if you agree or not, don’t fuckin harass the creators, VAs or the company over this, you smegmatic little monsters.