David And Goliath (2016) [REVIEW] | He said Jehova!

Figured we’d take this occasion of very few time on my hands and wanting to see some crap on Amazon Prime Video in order to complete Wallace Brothers’ filmography, after covering his Jurassic/Alien Expedition movie during 12 Days Of Dino Dicember not too long ago.

As in, that movie its the second and so far the last one he ever did, with only this David And Goliath movie listed in his IMDB directing credits… and roles overall, he apparently just directed this two direct-to-video cheapo movies and nothing.

Again, going from the IMDB page, and as we learnt by going through the various Godfrey Ho and Joseph Lai ninja flick, IMDB it’s not that definitive a database, but checking on other sites like Letterboxd doesn’t make any new info surface, so…

Also released as David And Goliath – Battle Of Faith (though the subtitle might or might not have been dropped, depending on the streaming platforms you’re watching it on), the movie obviously wants to retell the biblical tale… and makes one wonder why not adapt anything else from the Scriptures, since they’re full of bloody fights, cruelty and murder without any screenwriter’s help.

Heck, when you have a sacred text that contains the story of a warrior slaughtering thousand of peoples with the jawbone of a donkey, like a Christian-style Dynasty Warriors characters… you really go with David VS Goliath? And don’t make it a giant monster style battle against Ultraman-sized Bible characters? Sorry, i’m thinking of the – mostly – unrelated Daigoro Vs Goliath.

Jesting aside, since the actual story didn’t depict Goliath as a lost child of Elbaf and Goliath was such a recognizable name to english speaking audiences that many Maciste and Hercules italian movies were retitled as “Goliath and/VS” something, might as well adapt the story directly since we’re making one of these “christian based” action films set in the ye olden Bible times.

I mean, i guess since this come from “Faith Warrior Productions” and actually starts with a disclaimer pointing out that – despite the various liberties taken – they believe in the story and also encourage people to read the scripts about King David in the Old Testament. Fair enough.

I’d discuss the plot but come one, do i even need to? I’d say no, since it’s such an archetypal underdog story old as the hills, i’m not wasting any time with that.

Even more since the narration breaks in now and then to give a little backstory and facts about the characters, as a refresher if you remember the basic gist but not much any of the details.

As far as execution goes, yeah, it’s the direct-to-video cheap adaptation you’d think it is, but at least it’s not outright propaganda as a lot of these “faith movies” are, and actually doesn’t wait in having David kick some barbaric ass and break some necks, which it’s more fun to watch than the inevitable tales of the prophet about Saul and his breaking the command given to him by God, etc.

A lot of actors you’ve never heard of and most likely not seen before (unless you visit the same cinema trashcans i often do as a fellow “raccoon cinema man” of sorts) giving surprisingly (mostly) passable performances, and it’s hard to recommend it since a good chunk of the movie it’s just David training, i guess it’s kinda inevitable since the movie chooses to adapt only the life of David up to him defeating Goliath, but still, 45 of this 72 minutes movie are training, montages, and traning montages in a location that feels very similar to one later used for Jurassic Expedition.

The rest its Goliath killing people in the woods like John Rambo “Lu Bu” Krueger, and David facing him off in duel. It’s not unwatchable, so cheaply produced it’s downright laughable or that badly acted, but it’s also too much setup and very little plot for a short runtime, with not that much happening anyway.

It’s not as bad as IMDB metascore of 3 out of 10 suggests, but just barely average. If you’re curious and it’s streaming on Netflix and-or Amazon Video, there are so much worse ways to waste some time.

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