[EXPRESSO] Good Luck, Have Fun, Don’t Die (2025) | Enemies Of Reality

Finally hitting theathers here, Gore Verbinski’s latest film is the madcap scifi action comedy that combines a lot of modern scifi staples and starts off as any proper film does: in a Los Angeles diner where a hobo-looking man with a detonator walks in loudly demanding attention.

He proclaims to be a time traveller, on his 117^th loop to the past, there to enlist the patrons to fight against a rogue IA that in the future will cause an apocalypse, to form a ragtag group of clearly improptu warriors for the cause, with everything against them, and it not just skeptics, social network brainrotted teens, but also frigging algorhythm-born monstrosities that will stand in their desperate quest to save humanity from its own creation, or give it a chance in doing so.

While the main quest takes place overnight, the movie gives us flashbacks that brought the “time warriors” on that fateful moment and help flesh out this not that “overlyfictional” or “fantastic” modern dystopia, deliberately contrasting with the vague retro stylings of the plot, since it imagines an IA that can do more than hallucinate bullshit and badly regurgitate stuff, so much it basically – kinda – led humanity to the ending of Enslaved Odissey To West (minus the Journey To West elements).

More importantly, it’s a really fun and funny action comedy that not only entertains (and shows usa Gore Verbinski in peak form), doesn’t just go “new technology bad” but actually tackles the modern fears and issue rising from people using technology as a religion in itself to deliberately reject reality, dump any responsability or consequences from failure, and the creeping nature of the new menace, the new vampire they basically invited in, in a nihilistic, apathetic abandon of choice.

The ending is pretty good too.

Recommended.

Cyclone (1978) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

I’ve been putting off this one for years because of one specific aspect: that they killed a real dog for it, as i’ve heard this repeated on as a truth, and honestly that alone made me push it down the priority list, which might sound weird since i’ve seen a decent amount of cannibal movies, and i have pet turtles, to boot, which made that scene really hit me hard the first time around.

And i wasn’t really gonna google how a cooked dog looked like, so yeah….

Well, turns out after a bit of research that they didn’t actually kill a dog, and in a way i should have known, since Cyclone (also known as Terror Storm) is from exploitation sleaze extraordinarie Rene Cardona Jr., and while he did actually kill real sharks for Tintorera (and also he did immediatly jump on making a film adaptation of the Jonestown Massacre, remember)… once i saw the movie it’s obviously not the case, and the supposed “skinned dog” it’s a chicken, they edit in a way to make it look “real”… but if you actually stop to look at the way it’s edited it’s obviously not real, and the blood is so obviously fake stage blood, plus he’s holding the blade against the dog on the dull part.

I wanna believe Rene Cardona Jr. couldn’t get away with killing one of man’s best friends.

Yeah, regardless, this one is not for dog lovers…. well, unless you consider them a culinary treat to buy at a certain festival in Yulin.

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Shark Side Of The Moon (2022) [REVIEW] | #thesharklist

Asylum time!

Not any of their random ass fucking shark movies… one of their random ass shark movies that The Asylum was commisioned for the streaming service Tubi… okay this is new territory, in a way.

Okay, this is one where i’m not even sure if it’s a mockbuster of something, sure, it released in 2022 as Emmerich’s Moonfall… but the Asylum already did have time to made two mockbuster of that while it was delayed due to the COVID-19 pandemic, so it’s just them doing whatever random crazy bullshit they want.

Which could be fun, since it’s basically them doing a mash up of Iron Sky and Sharkman but with USSR-era man-shark hybrids living on the moon, and i think part of my brain shutdown just in writing that…. so it’s ironically promising, in a roundabout way.

It sound like a lot of random fun crap, what the company often… well, sometimes can excel at, it’s a crapshoot, a monkey feces throwing contest, creatively speaking.

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[EXPRESSO] Supergirl (2026) | Poco Lobo

Following the 2025 Superman reboot by James Gunn, we now have the spin-off/sequel-thing of Supergirl, about Kara-El, the cousin of Superman himself, as she is forced out of her drunkard-vomiting in the back of the space-caravan lifestyle when she defends a young girl in search of a mercenary or anyone able to kill the evil space brigand that killed her entire family, and said intergalactic thug almost “John Wicks” her dog, forcing Kara/Supergirl to track the bastard down so she can get the anti-venom she needs to save her dog Krypto, and aid the local girl along the way.

This brings the young girl and Kara to also stumble upon the legendary intergalactic bounty hunter Lobo (played by Jason Momoa)….

It’s a coming of age story of Kara actually becoming Supergirl, a relatively small side adventure for her which also gives us a bit more background on the fall of Krypton (in this continuity anyway), with relatively small scale, and its fine, i don’t think this was ever meant to be much more, though the script fails to capitalize on its themes of sisterhood, and it’s too bound to Superman, not just in the sense that Kara is made to be not that different character wise, but also how the film is directed by Craig Gillespie trying to imitate Gunn’s style.

And while it is a big cameo in the end, it’s undeniable that having Lobo helps a lot in making the film rise above general mediocrity, and you kinda wish he was given more space (shame they canned his movie), or that the movie actually made the emotional turmoil deliver the proper punch they are going for, which doesn’t quite do, but it’s still above average and there’s some fun action to it, making for a decent superhero film.

[EXPRESSO] ChaO (2025) | Suzaku’s Choice

I’d say the Japanese had the fascination with mermaids steam from the old fishemen’s tale of the nyngyo but in the case of Yasuhiro Aoki’s ChaO, this is more reminescent of the old American romantic comedy Splash by Ron Howard, not a direct remake but still about a man that finds himself engaged to a mermaid that saved his life, though here he doesn’t remember doing so, yet is pushed into being the fianceè and husband-to-be of the mermaid princess Chao, as the situation is favorable to the man’s boss, a transportation mogul, despite initially being kinda put off by Chao’s out-of-water appearance of a bipedal fish.

I’d say the main issue is that the plot is fairly thin and predictable, but the movie is definitely aware and Yasuhiro Aoki instead decides to focus on the love story AND in delivering insanely creative visuals, with deliberately weird, off-kilter character designs, not just relegated to the magical sea creatures just living alongside humans, but the humans themselves already have a distinct design even when they are regularly proportioned, and aren’t just giant toddlers, have giant heads or spherical bodies, or weird elongated limbs.

It’s very visually striking and interesting, definitely helps to have Hiroshi Takiguchi (also behind many Shinkai films) as the creative director here too, and animation studio 4°C help deliver the remarkable extreme sensory overload that goes along an otherwise very nice, very sweet but predictable romance, most likely because they know the romance itself is fine but not original (despite the political undertones since the marriage is basically sold as a public “race relation PR stunt”), and hence could use some great visuals, even some cool actions scenes and a fitting bonkers direction to go along with it.

Definitely worth seeing, even more as it just 90 minutes.

[EXPRESSO] Arion (1986) | Anime Titans

Yeah, i’m gonna bend the rules this time around since this is a 40^th anniversary restoration of a 1986 anime film that never got released here in theathers (or anywhere), just preceed by a recent release of the manga of the same name the film is based on, needed since i never even heard of this.

Somehow, as this isn’t some random anime film, this is written, directed and illustrated by Yoshikazu Yasuhito (also behind the original manga work), a legend known for his character designs on the original Mobile Suit Gundam anime, with orchestral soundtrack by composer Joe Hisashi of Ghibli fame.

Despite being named after a mythological black horse that – among other things – saved the king of Argos, thestory of Arion is basically a retelling of Greek mythology filtered through Japanese sensibilities (worth remembering Saint Seiya started just a year prior) that mashes the many myths and re-elaborates the various gods, demigods, humans and lore in a way that’s still kinda unique to this day, and fits the subject matter while standing on its own legs.

Arion is the demi-god spawn of Poseidon, kidnapped as a child by Hades and raised to believe his mother’s blindness was caused by Zeus and that killing him would cure her, so he sets on a quest only to eventually find out the truth and try to fight back against the fate as the Olympian gods willed it…

Honestly it’s amazing, it’s definitely not just stunning to look at with his meticulous hand drawn animation by Sunrise that still looks impressive, it also lives up to being an epic action-adventure, with lots of action, conflict, magic and brutality (plus very brief occasional whismy), superbly paced, that is still pretty dang impressive to see in cinemas even today.

Very good stuff.

Platformation Time Again # 9: Croc: Legend Of The Gobbos PS1 | PS4, PS5 | GBC

HISTORY

Given it’s quite well known how Croc came to be, i’m tempted to brashly summarize things, as most you already know this was originally a Yoshi game Argonaut Games (more famous for their collaborative work in the original Starfox/Starwing on SNES) proposed to Nintendo in 1994, only for it to be rejected, but instead they reworked the prototype (which was a mix of Mario Kart and Super Mario World called Yoshi’s Racing) into their own IP as 3D platformer, and since they cut direct ties with Nintendo after the original Star Fox 2 – which also had Argonaut involved in developmente – was cancelled, in 1996 they shopped around for publishers until settling with Fox Interactive, as they wanted to make a multimedia franchise out of it.

This is a very succint digest of the story… or is it?

Yes it is.

It said that since the Yoshi Racing prototype was presented in 1994, and it might have strongly influenced Nintendo with the “similar project” they had already in development, which would turn out to be – what else? – Super Mario 64….. but then again, this was said by Argonauts Games founder, Jez San, in 2013 Eurogamer interview, while in a 1997 interview he more cautiously – and correctly – said the similarity between the two games might have been completely coincidental.

Even more so since – as just pointed – Nintendo already had SM64 in development and it’s not like they were many example of 3D platformers before 1996, aside from the original Jumping Flash, which is still peculiar since it’s also a first person 3D platformer, and no, Beam Software’s Bug! was more of a 2.5D affair than a proper 3D platformer.

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[EXPRESSO] Savage House (2026) | Duke It Out in YKS

18^th Centhury England, the country is swept by smallpox and Jacobin revolts, not that matters much to Chauncey Savage and Lady Savage, as they get their chance to rehabilitate the fallen house of Savage and its luster when they get news the Duke and Duchess will visit their house, rushing to host a perfect dinner night no matter what it takes.

I do find Savage House a delectable decadent period piece indeed, i think it’s a pretty solid film, yet i feel it does come off a bit short of what it sets out to be.

Aside from the narration that could have been cut almost entirely as it just explains the obvious, it’s kinda funny how the movie presents itself and starts off as a period black comedy ready to depict the decadence of the period in sordid detail…. yet it kinda forgets halfway through and it becomes a fairly typical Victorian era-set period drama about these horrible people being entertaining horrible people with their own schemes and goals.

Yes, occasionally we’ll get people interrupted mid-coitus or performing a rim-job, we’ll see the shit und piss, but – and i can’t believe i’m saying this – i feel the movie could-should have been way more nasty, the acting is good but it kinda goes into more typical period drama machinations and backstabbing with an occasional surreal flair that also isn’t strong or emphasized, like they wanted an arthouse-ish vibe but couldn’t actually committ to that or being peculiary weird or out-there.

It still remain grotesque enough to be interesting, but i feel it kinda loses itself at one point and could have been even better, or less “tame”.

It’s not quite The Favourite, but its a decent, solid effort that i do recommend seeing if you have the chance.

Final Verdict: Decaf

Snakes On A Train (2006) [REVIEW] | Poco-loco-motion

Since we took the opportunity to review Snakes On A Plane some time ago for the movie 20^th anniversary and the 4K UHD Bluray rerelease by Arrow Video meant to celebrate that, i guess it’s inevitable we cover the mockbuster version the Asylum cooked up the same year, as in, Snakes On A Train.

I mean, why not, i got the UK DVD release for peanuts years ago, might as well.

As with most of their mockbusters, the plot is legally distinct from the movie whose cottails they’re riding on, and just shares the same idea/copies the same gimmick, this time a public transport vehicle being filled with killer snakes, a train in this occasion as it’s cheaper to shoot.

In a way, this should have been a really fuckin easy one.

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[EXPRESSO] Disclosure Day (2026) | Those Alien Bastards

Steven Spielberg is back again to revisit his favourite subject, aliens, the third kind of encounters one could have, in Disclosure Day.

I would commend Mr. Spielberg for sticking to this particular subject in this day and age, and indeed having the plo tackle how a sudden revelation and proof of alien life existing and being previously covered up by the government would change things in a modern setting where reality barely registers as such, via a security computer expert going rogue once contacted by a mysterious faction, and an unwilling local meteo woman that finds herself capable of unexpected feats…

But then i saw the film.

I’m just miserable, since Disclosure Day is Spielberg as his worse in recent years, and maybe ever.

Despite allegedly being a passion project and providing the subject, Spielberg seems to half-ass it most of the time, not that there’s much to be done with an embarassingly awful script, so bad it’s outright stupid, full of undeveloped characters with no chemistry spouting embarassingly bad dialogues, doing incredibly stupid shit to an absurd degree, plus one it thinks its so profound despite barely touching upon its own themes.

The runtime its incredibly bloated too, and all feel so absurd by taking place in modern day and have us believe that in the internet age uploading some video files to the web is like hacking one of those 80s mainframe computers that were as big as rooms.

Even with Spielberg as his worse, he’s still better than most and occasionally some scenes will actually be kinda good, entertaining and tense, like the car chases and the train scene, and the cast often delivers performances that are way better than this film deserve, and help carrying the thing.

It’s not unwatchable, but it’s so disappointing and frustrating.