Coffee Pigeons and Nintendo sub-subscriptions bullshit

So Nintendo had an Animal Crossing Direct yesterday, mainly to show what would be in the next big AC New Horizons software update, alongside the previously teased return of Brewster and his cafè situated in the museum.

Let’s start with the good.

This update come after months of fairly… nothing in regards to New Horizons’ seasonal content or general updates for that matter, and…. it’s honestly pretty substantial, adding not only the museum cafè (not sure if you will be able to get a job there like in older AC titles), bringing back Kapp’n, now working as a gateway to special random islands (which is bit disappointing as he took you to a resort island in previous games), and the island where the hippie dog villager – forgot his name – lives now will feature a plaza where eventually various merchants will gather as you fund the structures for the plaza, some already present in the base game, some old faces not present before, some ones that now offer new customization options for items.

Also, now you can do callisthenics in the morning with other villagers and whatnot, in case you forgot this is from a japanese (or more broadly speaking, asian) company, and yes, you can just use buttons or the motion controllers in the Joycons to perform the gymnastics. It’s cute.

Another quality of life feature that arguably should have been there from the start it’s the ability to issue ordinances to the villagers, this really should have been in the game at launch since you could do this on New Leaf (and to some extent, in previous Animal Crossing games). Recipes are cool and their introductions comes with new stuff to grow, meaning you can finally farm something else aside pumpkins.

Speaking of “finally!”, gyroids are back, even if they too should have been into the game at launch since they have been a staple for the series since the very beginning.

But yeah, if you held off until the game was “complete”, i’d say this fixes that, and personally i’m happy, even if most of the stuff this update introduces should have been there to begin with, and it’s a sizable update overall.

On the flipside, this is the last big free update the game is gonna ever get, which leads into paid DLC for New Horizons.

Nothing wrong with the DLC itself, since Happy Home Paradise looks like a sizeable expansion with the ability to do jobs on a new archipelago resort and basically work like an expanded version of the 3DS spin-off game Happy Home Designer did.

But of course Nintendo had to be fuckin Nintendo, so you don’t just pay for the expansion/DLC. If you want.

Actually, you can just buy the DLC itself, as it releases the same day when the big free update is coming, the 5th of November, and it costs 25 bucks.

OR you can buy the extra NSO content package, which nets you access to the NSO N64 and Genesis/Mega Drive games slated to be available later this october…. and The Happy Home Paradise DLC, so it’s basically a good deal (assuming you already have AC NH) if you wanted the AC NH DLC, but incredibly slimy if you didn’t, as it basically saying it’s better to just buy the NSO base + extra subscription for 40 bucks (speaking in Euro, it’s 50 dollars for US players, goddamn), making the price of the DLC itself look excessive, because that was the point.

Despite the unvoidable fact that you need to already have the base game to which the DLC pertains to, otherwise it’s 50-60 bucks on top of the subscription price itself.

On its face it doesn’t sound like a big deal, arguably it’s not Holocaust II, but it’s super scummy, because of course people will be angry and wonder why Nintendo didn’t offer access to DLCs-Expansions for other of its main titles as a freebie with the NSO subscription before? You know, to add value to a thing people really weren’t happy to pay for to begin with? Yeah, i don’t know either.

Sure as shit basically raising (more than doubling in some countries) the price for the thing itself won’t help.

Look, you wanna double the price, fuckin double the content you offer, people want the old Nintendo games, just give them the tons you clearly have instead of selling them in hugely overpriced tiny specs.

This without even going into the fact that more “expansion paks” might come later (i would wager for GB-GBC-GBA or even GC games) or the documented history of Nintendo spunking the same old fuckin titles most people have already bought twice as they have been re-released times and times again, then dripfeeding some more, then abandoning that altogether as they took so much too time a new generation of hardware happens, they do the same on that, repeat.

If you already had a base NSO subscription like me, you’ll get a discount calculated upon the remaining days in the subscription, but still, it feels such a fuckin steep price blow up for very little to compensate.

Yes, i want that N64 wireless controller, i will admit to that, but honestly this ironically makes me think just buying the AC NH DLC separately so i can actually own it… it’s the better deal, since i don’t fuckin need another copy of Ocarina Of Time in my collection.

Look, i find “Nintendo fans” (as any fans in quotes) exasperating as hell, but sometimes Nintendo almost seems like they want to stir shit up and make potential customers angry or frustrated. Almost.

At the end of the day, it’s just the non-funny type of “Nintendo move”, not that it matters what you thinks, since a “Nintendo move” is dubbed as such when it defies sense and reality. Among other things.

You can be angry at this, but be wary this anger is is vain, feeble, shortlived and pointless, as some of you will get it regardless despite bitching (you have every right to do so, btw), and Nintendo doesn’t care as they exist in their own lunacy filled liminal space devoid of time and just happen to do business in the real world.

Your anger, your joy, your frustration, just fleeting winds in the face of Super Mario 64, re-released unto this earth for the squillionth time yet again. Bow your head.

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