3 years have passed, and with the help of Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray back to direct, the little shark grew another head, because why not, let’s make a series out of this wafer thin premise!
As you might imagine, this is not a sequel, it’s just another shark movie, but this time he has 3 heads instead of 2, we gotta escalate something, and the plot doesn’t revolve around improbable college summer seminar at sea. We have them bikini clad (and clad-less) ladies, young people partying, drinking, and being victims of shark interruptus, but it’s more an incidental, an inevitability of this kind of shlock.
The plot this time center around an underwater research laboratory, the Persephone, located near the Pacific Garbage Patch, who they think is the reason for the many specimens of mutated marine life found in those waters. Thankfull after 30 minutes of mild boredom induced by “science talk about enviromental science and garbage pollution science”, the titular shark (and the new intern at the lab, played by has had enough, and it attacks the Persephone, destroying the base and killing most of the people inside it, because otherwise this plot won’t start.
A group of survivors (made of scientist and enviromental activists) manages to escape, but with the three-headed shark on pursue, a party boat (manned by wrestler Rob Van Dam) full of teens that could also fall victim to it, the group valiantly tries to call for help and avoid the worst. Thankfully, their radio SOS is caught by Danny Trejo and his fishing buddies (who carry an armory when they go fishing, of course), who eventually believes them and comes to their rescue… as soon as the screenwriter remember that Danny Trejo has been on screen for just 3 minutes and has done nothing, so yeah, maybe we gotta fuckin give him a machete, and a magic pistol that shoost through glass without breaking it (until the fx team remembers it probably should).
And they do. It’s fairly typical example of “Trejo-baiting”, he’s on the the movie poster in name and face, but he has – roughly – 8 minutes of screentimes, and he’s basically there to do his bit and then get killed, since he isn’t a protagonist. But at least he has one of the best scenes in the movie, since he goes full Hercules on one of the shark’ heads, as badass as the dude who launches himself with a jump axe attack on the shark, like he’s a frigging berserker (or a larper, most likely).
Going back to mithology, the shark has three mini-heads grow from the decapited trunk, like the Hydra, which the movie name drops, as if unsure the audience will manage to do the connection itself. So yeah, this is why there’s no “4-Headed Shark Attack”, since due to some really stupid logic and basic math, we already got it there. At least i think, it doesn’t matter anyway. Budget seems a more strict this time, that or they spent it on making the CG for the shark a lil bit better, because most of the kills are edited to be as bloodless as they can. No rubber practical multi-headed shark props this time, or practical gore, for that matter.
Aside from human flesh, “Shark-Ghidorah” loves to eat garbage, he’s radioactive (and according to the movie this means he can disturb radio signals), and he can also move a bit on land (like Super Shark), he needs to be in polluted water 99% of the times, but as the prologue shows, he was fairly quick in taste testing the random people having fun on the atoll (yes, again, an atoll has to be involved somehow). Oddly enough, the movie doesn’t have the usual stock of douchy jocks and slutty dumb gals, but tries to have more heroic and morally stoic characters you’re supposed to be feel bad for when they get eaten… problem you need way better characters for this to work, not just another cluster of stereotypes.
While these problems are balanced by some cool b-movie moments and some unexpected bits, the finale is…. random as hell, you feel the screenwriter was grasping at straws, so they just lure the shark with garbage, someone decides to die just for the hell of it, and the shark’ heads end up biting each other in the feeding frenzy, ultimately dying of blood loss, while the two survivors are finally at ease, they relax but decide to not put their feet in water regardless. END. Yeah, they never planned any of this, for a moment i thought i missed something, despite having watched it all from the beginning.
It’s slightly worse than 2-Headed Shark Attack, but it ends up at about the same level, due to the script trying a bit more, and Danny Trejo being there, even if for less of 10 minutes of screentime. Another watchable serving of junk food genre cinema, just remember to bring some more booze for this one, as the budget and premise somehow got thinner, might need some help to get through this one.
2 years later, the shark heads will grow back for another sequel in name only, with 5 Headed Shark Attack! Chomp!
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