Piranha 3DD (2012) [REVIEW] | Piranha Ate My Bunghole

Piranha 3DD 2012 poster

Piranha 3D was a good b-movie, directed by well respected and trustworthy horror director Alexandre Aja, who basically remade the omonymous old Jaws ripoff (produced by Corman, because why wouldn’t it be?), with 3D because it would have fit perfectly, is that kind of b-movie, the creature feature with killer fish, bikini ladies, and a party or holiday of some sort as the reason to gather people around, because fish is people too, and ripping off Spielberg never went out of fashion.

So a couple years later we got Piranha 3DD, a sequel… that’s actually a sequel, instead of just another movie about killer piranha slapping a “2” on the title, directed not by Aja, but by John Gullager, best known for the Feast Series, Zombie Night, and yes, it’s Glu Gullager’s (of Return of The Living Dead, The Last Picture Show fame) son.

And he took a surprisingly “smart” approach with this one, because why bother trying?

Yeah, in this case it’s a surprisingly good choice, as Gulager doesn’t even try to make this good or as good as the previous one, doesn’t even bother, and unapologetically goes down the path of trash, quite successfully. The plot is basically a reprise, with a brief recap of Piranha 3D at the beginning, and the strand of mutated prehistoric piranha founding his way into the water supply, just in time for Spring Break (and accidentally the anniversary of the massacre in the pool site) and for the newly build aquatic park to open, now complete with porno pools, because the sleazy balding dickhead behind it has to upstage the major from Jaws.

Piranha 3DD 2012 Hoff The Hook
Weird Splatoon collab this one.

While some of the cast returns, the plot centers on mostly new characters, but they exist mostly to be eaten alive by the piranhas, to be seen fuckin, or do both. Aside from David Hasselhoff being there to be…. David Hasselhoff who sure he’s there in a movie and to be made fun of in a movie, one i didn’t bank on seeing back for the sequel is Christopher Lloyd, playing the same character of the looney mad scientist who knows about the piranha. While one may take his casting here as a sad matter of fact, i’m honestly glad, since – at the very least – he seems to be having some fun, i can’t say the same for his appearence in The Oogieloves, where he really looks dead inside.

When i said before this one just launched itself into the realm of trash cinema, i meant it, you can tell from the opening scene, with piranha eggs exploding out of a dead cow’s anus, with farts set on fire. Or the fat dude fucking the jetstream hole in the pool in the following scene. Sure, Piranha 3D was never a “classy” b-movie to begin with, but this one really commits to the garbage, with piranha being propelled out of vaginas, accidental botched eviration due to “piranha on penis”, the black sheriff from the first one returning with shotgun equipped artificial limbs, PSTD, and a permit to reference Mr. No Legs, and more.

Even more surprising are the special effects, not on par with the first one, but quite good, with a lot of practical effects too, including piranha props and puppets, decent CG, buckets of gore and nudity, so yeah, it’s well put together on the technical side, with an extra effort that pays off but many don’t bother with anymore, culminating on the finale of guts, gore, nudity and insane, delightfully stupid crap. 🙂

Piranha 3DD 2012 bikini bones

If anything, the movie it’s a bit too indulgent with its own “filth” at times, but overall it pays off, because while it’s not a good movie or a good b-movie, it’s funny, quite entertaining, and it’s commitment to being uber trashy leads to having a lot of those insane scenes that make movies like these worth remembering, with plot used as a familiar contrived tool for the sex & violence extravaganza, too stupid and playful to be worth getting angry at. 🙂

Unless you work at the Razzies and gave this one a Razzie Award…in case you needed more proof that the people working there really don’t know jack shit.

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