Boa VS Python (2004) [REVIEW] | Serpentine Showdown

Unified Film Organization had some success with reptile themed TV monster movies, heck, even to warrant making a “B-movie sequel” to 2000’s Python. But it just happens in 2003 the long-gestating Freddy VS Jason crossover movie was released, and so of course unrelated companies that didn’t even operate in the same market space felt entitled to sponge off the renewed interest in horror crossovers. While – for mere coincidence – Robert Englund was actually in Python, of course calling him back for pennies after he just play Freddy Krueger again was stupid to even attempt.

What do? Since you can’t trademark actual existing animals, they figured whatever, a boa was in New Alcatraz, Python did have a genetically mutated version of the titular animal, so let’s make these two CG animals battle to the death, call it Boa VS Python, job’s a good ‘un, print, beautiful.

Of course, there’s no continuity (aside from the FBI agent mentioning having lost his giant snakes expert before, off-handedly implying of William Zabka’s character dying at the end of Python 2) , not that anyone cares, and for what it’s worth this time the giant python isn’t trasported by copter, but via truck. The python escapes, and the man who had it caught specifically for a hunt, Broddick (played Adam Kendrick) still plans to have his rich guests hunt it in the small town it escaped to.

I guess it’s a bit less stupid than having a fuckin boa rampage around Antarctica, where cold-blooded reptiles don’t fuckin exist for a good reason i don’t need to explain.

Still, the task of confronting the reptile is up to a FBI agent and a scientist specialized in snakes (and just snakes), aided by a Navy scientist specialized in implants, and by using all their combined brain cell, they hatch the obvious plan: sending out another giant snake after it, a boa, to track the python down…. and so they can duke it out, they kinda have to, and you came to see that.

I love how the DVD cover art it’s more like one for a budget videogame you would find in bargain bins than an actual movie, with the CG snakes, the helicopter and the generic “Main Street” sign. Just perfect.

In a way, it’s kind of a classic “so crap it’s hilarious” bad flick, with stuff like Broddick (actual name of the character, not a nickname i came up with, btw) ripping the shirt off to… show off his physiquen and to challenge Duke Nukem, the camera crew can be seen reflected into the black sunglasses of an actor, the boa getting a cybernetic upgrade that looks like a Scouter from Dragon Ball Z, the “classic” B-movie scene where the girl doesn’t notice immediatly that’s not a man performing cunnilingus, but a snake, random romance, flamethrowers, the giant snakes actually fucking off-screen (that never happened in King Kong Vs Godzilla), etc.

And of course the snakes fighting which doesn’t really properly happen until the very end, and it’s brief as shit, so yeah, nothing really new.

As for characters, i really don’t have much to say, just the fact Broddick had a giant python in delivery because he wanted to hunt it like the rich bastard he is… will tell you everything you need to know about him, or his entourage of cliches, which of course includes the “silent master hunter” and the Texan ©. Not that the “good guys” come off as particularly brilliant or respectful, but this is par for the course for a movie dumb as a bag of hammers and featuring similar acting.

The effects aren’t really better than before, the CG snakes still look cheap, in one brief sequence worse than depicted on the covers, but on the upside there are some decent physical effects for the boa surgery scene.

I really don’t have much to say in this regard, seen worse, seen plenty better, etc.

In a way, this is the better movie since the first Python, as in this one also has a sense of humour, starting out with a wrestling match which happens to also pit “Python” against “Boa”, the filler is delightfully goofy and dumb, and overall it’s quite entertaining “so bad it’s good” bullshit from the early 2000s.

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