Invasion Roswell/Exterminators (2013) [REVIEW] | Made for TV invasion

Lurking about the various streaming sites (and also by browsing Amazon recommendations, if you have an order history like mine), i’d hard not to notice that alongside monster movies, one of the safest go-to themes for a b-movie – especially if it’s a made for TV – it’s aliens.

Yes, the “subgenre” it’s not as popular as it was in the ’90s, thanks to tech billionaries indirectly making the point that the “space age” it’s not coming anytime soon, and also making us quite undesirable to contact by the prospective of hypothetical extraterrestrial, but it’s clearly still cheap, fast and popular enough, since i keep on stumbling on “army vs aliens” i never heard of but that managed to get DVD releases, with confusingly non-descript and generic cover artworks.

Though i found this one, Invasion Roswell, on Amazon Prime Video, under his other – and far more generic – title of Exterminators. Despite not being about giant spiders.

But worry not, it has another, slightly more fitting alternate title, “Battle: Earth”. Or the german DVD one, “Exterminators VS Aliens”.

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Blue Demon (2004) [REVIEW] | El Tiburon Pasa

It’s both banal and amazing how many shark movies exist, you’d figure there are plenty, but that’s not the case, there is an entire ocean of them. An ever-expanding ocean.

So much that some are pretty much to accidentally “fall through the cracks”, even if you own dozens upon dozens (almost thousand) of shark movies, and this one of them, found it at flea market. After triple checking i don’t already own this on DVD under a different name or it’s available to stream on Netflix or something, that is.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

But no, Blue Demon is just called Blue Demon pretty much everywhere in the world, and somehow i didn’t even heard about it. Or maybe i did and my brain removed it to store some porn, i dunno.

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Boa VS Python (2004) [REVIEW] | Serpentine Showdown

Unified Film Organization had some success with reptile themed TV monster movies, heck, even to warrant making a “B-movie sequel” to 2000’s Python. But it just happens in 2003 the long-gestating Freddy VS Jason crossover movie was released, and so of course unrelated companies that didn’t even operate in the same market space felt entitled to sponge off the renewed interest in horror crossovers. While – for mere coincidence – Robert Englund was actually in Python, of course calling him back for pennies after he just play Freddy Krueger again was stupid to even attempt.

What do? Since you can’t trademark actual existing animals, they figured whatever, a boa was in New Alcatraz, Python did have a genetically mutated version of the titular animal, so let’s make these two CG animals battle to the death, call it Boa VS Python, job’s a good ‘un, print, beautiful.

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Python II/Pythons 2 (2002) [REVIEW] | The Russian Connection

The snake factory always has more, because it’s easy as always to slap some roman numerals over a snake image and call a movie a sequel to another movie about killer giant snakes, regardless of continuity.

Yeah, another un, tied to the 2000’s Python more by some cast members than anything else, and by that i actually mean William Zabka is here playing one of the lead characters, and it’s still produced by Python Productions and Unified Film Organization.

Clearly it made more sense to use the name “Python” once more, since New Alcatraz bombed very bad, not that it was great, but the fact they didn’t simply title it after the main killer snake probably didn’t help at all.

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Boa AKA New Alcatraz (2001) [REVIEW] | Snakes On Ice

Fear that people might mock your movie about a killer giant boa constrictor if you just call it “Boa”, without any stupid subtitle (possible even more worth of mocking)?

Do you fear the wrath of Serial Experiments Lain fans or the One Piece loyalists?

Just call it “New Alcatraz”, you can always change your mind and re-title it.. well, “Boa”, for some DVD releases. Not that’s is hard to find out this is connected to the 2000’s TV movie Python, as it’s directed by one of the writes also behind Python, and it’s produced and/or distributed by the same company, Unified Film Organization (UFO). Completely different cast, but this par for the course.

The plot sees a mining operation inside a secret “superjail” in Antarctica unadvertedly freeing a giant prehistoric snake from a million years slumber, resulting in it eating much of the prison security staff, and even the back up soldiers who brough along two paleontologists don’t have better luck. So it’s up the warden, the scientists and the surprisingly few prisoners to team up in the hope of escaping the prison and snake.

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Python (2000) [REVIEW] | ….and all i got was this lousy t-shirt

There was a time before we got for granted monster movies about giant hybrid animals, but still after the 70s and 80s brought along any kind of killer animal, even slugs.

It was the new millenium, the 90s just ended and what that meant for b-movies is that now it’s fairly cheaper thanks to computer graphics, not that it’s necessarily that easier, but for the cheapo companies that banked on pumping out crappy monster movies for the TV or home video markets, it meant not having to bother anymore with animatronics or puppets or that much more in the way of practical effects for the monster or animal you wanna make the movie about.

Not that you couldn’t use both practical AND digital effects for the creature, but it was never much of a concern anyway for movies like these and the companies that made them, which – let’s be honest about this – gladly welcomed the new, cheaper tools now available, as they meant larger profits to be made.

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