Since the sequel to the Asylum’s “Godzilla VS Kong” mockbuster from 2020, Ape VS Mecha Ape, is not gonna officially be released here in time for the rubric (or at all, who can sah for certain), let’s dig through some other “based on comic book series you never knewn existed” garbage, we did the Fred Olen Ray produced Reptisaurus film, so here another Konga film, called Konga TNT.
Not based on the 1971 film with Michael Goeff, but on the Charlton Comics produced comic book series that spawned because of the movie, and how you’d like if Konga was basically remade from the director/producer behind Oujia Shark, Brett Kelly?
Because that’s what we’re getting, a homegrown no-budget knock off of a King Kong knock off.
One that’s pretty loose, even if you want to call it a loose remake of Konga, since the plot makes some changes, so the serum that turns the chimp into a gorilla (yeah, classic B-movie non-sense) doesn’t come from a scientist’s lab, but from an alien ship, and there’s this ET-ish thing of two boys finding the chimp and having to save it from the army that wants to take him down.
And guess what, it’s one of the worst movies i’ve seen in the last… well, 2 years, i’ve seen worse, but heck, it’s undeniably impressive in its own right, this is not just regular “cinema poverty”, this is shockingly cheap, aggressively embarassing and yet cowardly in its display of not giving a shit, because even taken at face value, this is a somewhat despirited pisstake of a joke film (one character is called Major Bummer, FIY) regardless of the budget being 700 dollars for real or not.
You know, Mark Polonia wouldn’t have made so you have to watch someone recording himself and having everything happen or exist conventiently offscreen, he would have gladly filmed the fuckin scene and used his puppets or awful digital effects, shown the damn things from beginning to end.
I mean, what’s the point of doing this when then eventually you show this person going around in a monkey suit, what did you think we’d expect?… that is, when “Konga” isn’t straight up a cheap monkey doll you could win as prize at any fair anywhere in the world, not quite as cheap as one guy playing a scientist and his twin brother, also a scientist, thankfully he doesn’t have to do double duty as one of the twins is allegedly shot in the back (again, stuff that happens 80 % offscreen). XD
I will admit i got a couple of laughs out of this, but still, i wish Brett Kelly spent those 700 bucks on a PS5 bundle for the kids he had as the characters befriending “Konga” (they seem nice enough and happy to be in a movie, bless them) or something else instead, because i don’t care if you shot it with your friends, in your house or whatever, it’s inevitable for these “no budget” productions.
But Konga TNT is just SO goddamn boring and dull, that there is really nothing i can say to soften the blow, since it’s also incredibly cheap even for homegrown movie standards.
It’s not mean spirited or spiteful to its own audience, there’s that, and there’s a schmalzy cuteness to the film that is intentional and well meaning, but still, there’s no getting around the fact this movie is so atomically bad i had to kinda revaluate the previous Brett Kelly flick i’ve watched, Oujia Shark, that at least had a funny “so bad it’s hilarious” ghost shark VS magical medium showdown, Konga TNT doesn’t even have that, despite numerous attempts at comedy (juvenile, as expected and intended) that fall flat, and yet didn’t sat unreleased on the director’s shelf for 3 years.
At the very, very least you can (at the time of writing and posting) see it legally for free on Youtube, SciFiCentral’s channel has it in full, but there’s the time investment, and frankly this is for folks that seek trash like this and then out loud say “i can’t believe i’ve watched the whole thing”.
Glad i don’t do star ratings, because we’re in “below 2 out of 10” territory BIG time, for the worse.
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