Cyclops (2008) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

The cyclops is one of the more unrepresented monsters, sure, it’s usually thrown in there if it there’s an adventure in ye old Greece of myth and monsters, alongside the usual suspects, in both videogames and movies, now that i think about it.

Then again, it’s ultimately just a variation of the giant archetype, but even so, the cyclops really hasn’t had much representation even in the monster movie genre and its many iterations even on overlyspecific types of killer animals.

Sure, there’s Dr Cyclops, but that’s just the stupid title given to basically the forerunner of the “shrinking people” trend of the ’40-50s, not that Bert I. Gordon’s The Cyclops from 1957 is any better, as they basically had the same guy of his War Of The Colossal Beast as the “cyclops”, quotiations marks because the monster’s face (or the actor’s make up/mask) is supposed to be melted off on due to radiation shit, so he has basically a “flesh bang” and only eye still visible, here’s your “cyclops”, looks like he fell face first into a barrel of radioactive cheese but didn’t get signed up by Troma for a series, so he slums into his own film alongside a disgraced Lon Chaney Jr.

So i guess Corman figured out there was this specific hole to fill, and via his New Horizons Picture company he put director-writer Declan O’ Brien (which that year also released a couple of TV monster flicks, Rock Monster and Monster Ark) to work on a cyclops film for Sci-Fi, roping in good ol’ Eric Roberts because that’s what you do.

In a kinda stupid but also kinda logical “twist”, it’s set in ancient times, but not ancient Greece… ancient Rome.

Yeah sure, Roman society was mostly a copy of the Greek’s, stole a lotta homework, and i guess it’s both more palatable and cheaper to do a Roman setting on a shoestring budget where the shields were made out of Twixs and figs.

The premise sees the cruel emperor Tiberius (Eric Robert) condemn one of his major officers, Marcus, after he manages to capture the last surviving cyclops, spotted in the woods by some unlucky herders, and after he dares disobey the orders of Tiberius’ vile niece, Falco, despite quelling a slave rebellion. He’s forced into gladiatorial fights to save the lives of his troops, but as he schemes how to escape and overthrow Tiberius, he manages to befriend the cyclops, also held captive and used for the games.

I’ll give the movie some kudos for how unabashedly it doesn’t hide how crappy the CGI cum motion captured cyclops creature looks, the thing is on the DVD cover, his face is on the DVD, and you can see the ugly thing clear as day immediately in the opening scene, with all his slimy-shiny skin and his skimpy Gollum attire.

At least it realizes there’s no point in hiding the ugly CGI creature, so here he its, our ugly boy, ripping people’s arms, eating their shins, all within the first 5 minutes, and it gives what you’d want from a movie like this, with plenty of the cyclops going on a rampage, stomping, killing and mutilating to shreds people with plenty of gore (as cheap as it is, with plenty of it being digital).

It’s not good, but there’s a baseline of cheese to squeeze from the movie when it’s about the cyclops… the rest it’s even more boring and pretty much a compilation of gladiator movie cliches, with the “political intrigue” shit being extra boring as the acting is pretty awful, stilted and tired as it gets. Just a couple of actors even bother trying a bit, and do not count Eric Roberts as he 100 % not giving an absolute shit as tyrant emperor Tiberius, despite how at a glance he looks like he’s – accidentally – riffing Michael Palin’s Pontius Pilate from Life Of Brian, he’s phoning it in from the stratosphere.

Plus, the plot feels stretched, especially early on, it feels like the kind of movie that could have used some trimming, at least 10 minutes… maybe not, as the narrative most likely would feel more choppy, but some of the “political shit” could have been cut down.

Still, overall it’s not THAT bad, sure, it’s a cheap production by late era Corman, the cast (including an unbothered and uncaring Eric Robert’s that’s in pure “paycheck effort” mode) seems roped in at random as almost everyone phones it in big time, the monster is shitty low tier CGI as it’s most of the gore, the plot it’s almost kind of interesting but feel stretched… yet there is some semblance of effort and some bloody cheesy entertainment one can squeeze out of Cyclops.