Sabretooth (2022) [REVIEW] | Beeg Cat Means Beeg Trouble!

Before the year ends, it’s time to fullfil some promises nobody care about, so after reviewing Attack Of The Sabretooth (AKA Primal Park) back in whenever that happened, i realized almost before i finished writing the review, that this was sorta/kinda/vaguely a sequel to another movie about sabertooth tigers, as in they were sequelized only when localized in some foreign markets, as they have nothing to do with each other… aside from the writer, being Tom Woosley for both otherwise unrelated movies about extinct tiger species going about killing people.

Still more sensible than most of the italian cannibal film being retitled as “Cannibal Holocaust 2” when not even the lead actor’s dingus is a shared asset.

Simply titled “Sabretooth”, this is yet another TV movie that debutted on the ol’ Sci-Fi channel about killer animals that might or not be mutants or resurrected extinct evolutionary cul-de-sacs because Spielberg did a killing resurrecting the ancient lineage of the KFC bucket a decade ago.

And Roger Corman was also there to rip chickens up with its Carnosaur, then again, Clint Howard WAS eating chicken in front a chicken coup (and dinosaurs).

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Attack Of The Sabretooth AKA Primal Park (2005) [REVIEW] | I Ate Mondays

So, experience tells me i should be reviewing The Belko Experiment since it’s International Workers Day and all, but i have very little to say about it, it’s a fun “battle royale but office enviroment” from writer (as he didn’t direct it) James Gunn and director Greg McLean, but it’s shockingly devoid of any twist or variation to the formula that had already been done, there’s some good actors but the characters (especially the protagonist) are mostly – and oddly – forgettable, it kinda never evolves, shakes up or does the battle royale formula in a fresher or interesting way, and the second part lacks the flair or escalation it leads you to believe it’s coming.

It’s still a decent film with some good, bloody moments, and one i still recommend checking out, after adjusting your expectations, because its one of those case were a movie suffers from being exactly what it leads you to believe it will be, so it’s not surprising it’s mostly remembered as a kind of missed opportunity, one where the satire ends and begins on the obvious, for once.

and despite the film teasing a “Phase 2” (not of MCU kind), for better or worse a sequel has yet to materialized as there were no plans for it and – to most people’s knowledge – still aren’t, at least at the time of posting.

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Zoombies (2016) [REVIEW] | A Friend That’s Good With The Dead

Even with a title like this, you wouldn’t expect the movie to basically shit itself in the first scene, which happens to be a fictitious commercial for an endangered species zoo called “Eden Wildlife Zoo”, an advertisment that looks it was made in Windows Movie Maker… in the early 2000’s, by people that barely knew what a computer was.

I can’t stress how childish and amauterish this is, even for The Asylum, who in this case must have allocated 100 bucks for editing and production, combined, given how much animal footage seems just ripped from free libraries or used what one of the employee recorded when it took a family trip to the zoo. It looks like they’re playing a joke, but they’re not, and in the first 2 minutes they already shit down their own pants. But fear not, the CG monkeys you seen in the first 5 minutes are somehow worse, i – almost – can’t believe it. I’ve seen snippets from Primal Park, so i can’t really call it “the worst”, but still, it’s really shitty regardless, almost impressively so.

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