Spiders 2: Breeding Ground (2001) [REVIEW] | The Ship Of Spideus

There are few things as inevitable as sequels in cinema.

No matter what stratum and levels of production we’re talking about, it’s weirder NOT seeing a movie getting a sequel. Time doesn’t matter either, because nostalgia marketing made a new Space Jam happen, and there’s no degree of separation, cultural or temporal, that will ensure you someone won’t try to make Citizen Kane II, and have it about Charles Foster Kane’ parents murdered by a roving pack of sentient, blood hungry sleds named after floral varieties.

Titanic II (or Holocaust II, not joking) exists, and i guess only does only to make it crystal clear there’s no end to the metaphorical barrel, encased in another barrel.

And so on ad infinitum.

So you can bet there’s space to in-name only sequels to subpar but “successful enough” creatures features. Plenty of space for these, and they might end up serving the unintended purposes of making you appreciate the “original” movie more, even if that happened to be a pile of ass to begin with.

It can always get worse, and often does in this case.

This time we have a couple losing their yacht in a storm and being picked up by a carrier ship run with Dr. Gerbac, coming off rough at first, but actually being a mad scientist, and the ship a floating lab where he experiments on giant spiders, feeded with human flesh. Plot ensues, eventually, when the dullards protagonist combined brain cell finally wakes to the crew being so suspiciously nice and mysterious, and the ship doctor outright calling them “specimen” to their faces.

To be honest it’s mostly the wife being oblivious to the obvious, the husband puts two and two together fairly quickly, she never does until the third act, where at least she kicks some ass, there’s that at the very least.

Here i would say that the movie has some half-hearted attempt at connecting with the first Spiders movie… but it doesn’t. It’s still about people mutating spiders and having them plant eggs into living humans used as “breeding pods”, the premise is on paper a bit less stupid than the “alien spider DNA experiment in a space shuttle” seen in the first one, but it’s still a very flimsy plot with a script where things just kinda happen and rely on abundant convenience to be stiched together, things don’t make much sense anyway, logic is amiss, as is any semblance of gray matter in the characters.

And a direction that will make you pine for the campy but somewhat entertaining work done by Gary Jones on the first Spiders, and at least in that one things happened at an acceptable pace, stupid crap but it happened. Spiders II is just one of those very slow moving b-movies that exasperate the viewer, already fully aware of where this “plot” is going, after a fairly abrupt beginning where thing just happen without much explanation or seem edited in the wrong order.

This is just laughable in unintended ways, like, why give the spiders elephant roars? XD

The acting and dialogue are made from some of the finest larch in the land (to say nothing of the chemistry between the couple, because they don’t have any to speak of), but at least the cast makes an attempt to make their performances work seriously, to little avail but they try. Which doesn’t work, and frankly the best (for sure the more entertaining to witness) performance has to be Richard Moll’s, as he plays a mad scientist so stereotypical and cartoonish evil it’s corny as hell.

The effects aren’t THAT much worse as some reviews claim, but you can tell even those are of lower quality. The gore is still fairly ok, but the spider animatronic here is far worse, as are most of practical effects, not as bad as some of the CG ones, like the CG spiders look even worse, somehow. or stuff like the boat “sinking”, or them using a real spider on a toy boat (incredibly cheap, even for Nu Image) in one brief sequence. XD

A notable step down from the first Spiders, in retrospect kinda charming and likeable, unlike this one. There was no Spiders 3, but there was Spiders 3D.

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