Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws (2015) [REVIEW] | The Auckland Haunting

As said as the end of the Ghost Shark review, 2 years after that movie we would get… another movie. Called Ghost Shark 2, for sure, but being unrelated to the 2013 Ghost Shark movie produced by SyFy, because numbers are for idiots with their logic and assumptions of sequels.

We encountered many cases of titles implying the movie are sequels when they’re not, many times, but Ghost Shark 2 is a peculiar case, as it started as a fake trailer (well before the first Ghost Shark was even a thing, odd as it sounds) and eventually became a real movie, like Hobo With A Shotgun, after production of a feature version did start in Auckland back in 2010.

Yeah, this is a New Zealand production, and the movie wants you to know it takes place there, in Auckland, specifically, because why not.

While it’s not connected, there is a character that has encountered them before, a traumated ex-lietenant commander, Tony Palantine, and there’s also a “ghost shark hunter expert” called Tom Logan, but there were no such characters in Ghost Shark, the cast is completely different (and has both directors, Andrew Todd and Johnny Hall, acting as multiple characters) so it’s just pretending to be a sequel. But it isn’t, despite the film trying with flashback scenes… that do not even flash back to footage of the first Ghost Shark. Or involve the ghost shark hunter, to boot.

That cleared up, there’s isn’t much to talk about plot-wise. It’s another ghost shark (meaning he can travel and kill by using any kind of water source as vessel) terrorizing a small maritime comunity, forcing Major Brody (not a nickname i made up, btw) to enlist a hunter specialized in ghost sharks, before his potential voters are lost the maw of the ghastly beast, and his re-election with them.

What can i add to a movie shot on high end consumer camera with a ghost shark thwarting a rape as the girl just happened to carry a water bottle? I’m really not needed, since it’s pretty obvious everyone involved knew what they were doing, and by that i mean trying to play it straight as a serious drama fully aware of how ridiculous and bad it was. When you plan to have a trifecta of actors from some of the so called “worst movies ever” (even if only the scene with Juliet Danelle of The Room fame made it in the movie) for a cameo, you know you’re doing crap on purpose.

Which i would already call out as an issue, as often crafting a “so bad it’s good” movie by choice doesn’t work at all (for many reasons), but i have seen exceptions….

Sadly this isn’t one of them.

Even when the film features such bullshit as a “steam ironing board shark”, “possessed ice lolly shark”, “masturbation lube shark”, “soup shark”, etc. At least they tried to get much use of the idea for the kills as they could, but again, almost pointless when there’s almost no budget for them.

To say that the special effects are a downgrade from Ghost Shark would be a reasonable critique… but it won’t prepare you for how cheap this movie is, as in, you saw the shark in that movie, crap as the “ghostly fx” were. Here you don’t for the most part, and when you do…. it will make you pine for the “holo shark” in Back To The Future II, still marginally better looking than this one.

Here the shark just kills people from the inside, makes them get “bloodshoot possession” eyes and drown. I’d complain about the fact that maybe you shouldn’t make a shark movie when you – almost – don’t have the budget to show the shark on screen, but why bother when this is done for a lark?

A 70 minutes long lark, one that would have felt overly long at 30, but it’s stretched to hell thanks to heaps of cheap drama, bad overacting and flashbacks. I think they tried to make it work, but it’s just not entertaining, at all, just a slog with seconds worth of craptacular shit to laugh about, mostly the random ass “Saw X The Strangers” twist the plot takes at the very end.

Still, i’ve seen WORSE. Not that much worse, but worse. I say it a lot, but it’s true.

Could make for a good Rifftrax feature.



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