Sabretooth (2022) [REVIEW] | Beeg Cat Means Beeg Trouble!

Before the year ends, it’s time to fullfil some promises nobody care about, so after reviewing Attack Of The Sabretooth (AKA Primal Park) back in whenever that happened, i realized almost before i finished writing the review, that this was sorta/kinda/vaguely a sequel to another movie about sabertooth tigers, as in they were sequelized only when localized in some foreign markets, as they have nothing to do with each other… aside from the writer, being Tom Woosley for both otherwise unrelated movies about extinct tiger species going about killing people.

Still more sensible than most of the italian cannibal film being retitled as “Cannibal Holocaust 2” when not even the lead actor’s dingus is a shared asset.

Simply titled “Sabretooth”, this is yet another TV movie that debutted on the ol’ Sci-Fi channel about killer animals that might or not be mutants or resurrected extinct evolutionary cul-de-sacs because Spielberg did a killing resurrecting the ancient lineage of the KFC bucket a decade ago.

And Roger Corman was also there to rip chickens up with its Carnosaur, then again, Clint Howard WAS eating chicken in front a chicken coup (and dinosaurs).

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Orcs! (2011) [REVIEW] | 3 Inches Of Snooze

Time to rummage through my B-movies DVD collection and pinch one out, in this case salvaging from one of the huge ass bookcase style holders Orcs!, a 2011 direct to video monster on the loose flick with a fantasy twist of sorts.

This time around it’s not mutated bears, cocained panthers, or landlubbing sharks running amok in a place, it’s the green, Dakka loving green boyz, that threaten to invade modern society starting from a US National Park, so it’s up to the resident Park Ranger, Cal Robertson, and his sidekick, Voluntary Cadet Hobie, to stop them hordes from leaving the park.

Sound like a fun little comedy horror B-movie, the formula it’s more than proven, have monsters invade and have two or more dorkuses left as humanity’s unlikely last stand, the cast being mostly made of people you’ve never heard or seen before it’s an acceptable risk and not damning in itself.

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[EXPRESSO] Tolkien (2019) | Warlocks & Dragons

Tolkien 2019 poster.jpg

Preface: i didn’t read any of the novels of mr. Tolkien, i didn’t knew what
his actual life was like, i watched the Lord Of The Rings movies. That’s it, that’s how much i knew before seeing this in theathers. That, and how the Tolkien family didn’t approve or endorse the motion picture.

So i didn’t exactly know what to expect, besides the obvious. And frankly you just get that, the expected from a dramatized biopic of a fantasy author. We start in media res when J.R. Tolkien is figthting in the trenches of WWI while searching disperately for one of his friends, and he struggles to survive we get to see his life with his brother and mother living in slums, then as orphans in the foster home of an Ofxord aristocratic lady that took them in, his romance with Edith, another orphan already under her wings, and his circle of friends made at the Ofxord university.

Tying this all together is Tolkien passion for creating stories, legends of magic and fantasy lands, great dangers and journey, even going so far as to create a new alphabet and language specifically for his tales, which carries over in significant event of his life and here is made to create parallel with his fantasy creations, and the struggle to make the unevitable truths of life better with the power of art, and how it lead to him writing the Hobbit, etc etc.

It’s got a decent-good cast, a very good scenography, likeable characters, it’s heart it’s in the right place, and it’s not like it undermines its own point or anything like that.

But it’s also a very standard romanticized biopic of a creative’s troubled life, it’s decent, fairly enjoyable, but, you’ve already seen this before, and done better.

It’s alright.

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