[EXPRESSO] Ninja-Kid NSWDDL | Ninja In The Hood

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Yeah, why, not, with sales on Neo Geo and arcade titles on the Switch eShop, let’s talk about arcade platformer Ninja-Kid, developed by UPL and now emulated by Hamster, who also brought to Switch and PS4 many arcade classics, including In The Hunt.

And no, this isn’t the american version of that NES GeGeGe No Kitaro game, also called Ninja Kid (without hyphen) for the NA release.

This one isn’t exactly what i would call a “classic”, and i’m honestly glad i bought it on sale. Not because the game itself it’s bad, it’s just that the old god Chronos hasn’t been too kind on this action platformer from 1984, that feels a bit like Ice Climbers (while pre-dating the Nintendo game by 1 year), due to how you have to move to jump or double jump, otherwise you’ll drop to the platform below.

It’s a simple game where you can jump to stun enemies, throw shurikens to defeat them, move upwards the mountain/castle/stage and once you get rid of all the foes, you can proceed to the next level.

There are three backgrounds/stages (and a bonus stage if you collect “three strange balls” without dying), but while enemies become more varied and more dangerous each level, there isn’t any end, it just loops the levels/background and keeps going, but that’s basically it. There is some strategy with approaching the enemies, but still, there’s not much to it, nor there was supposed to be more to it, as this was meant to be played in an arcade in 10 minutes burst at max.

That said, it’s a fun arcade oldie, once you get around the responsive but odd jump controls, and there’s satisfaction if you wanna go for the high scores, with the usual extra modes found in Hamster arcade re-releases.

Decent!

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[EXPRESSO] Coffee Crisis NSWDDL | Bronco Blend

Coffee Crisis NSWDDL

I’m doing an Expresso review of this one because it doesn’t deserve a full review.

Coffee Crisis is retro brawler/beat em up inspired by 16-bit classics, as so proudly says in the marketing and description, and sports all the mandatory “indie quirks”, from mediodre-decent pixel graphics, a throwaway story so we can weaponize it as “joke” despite being a lazy and unfunny mish mash of overdone references and cringey exchanges regardless, so bad the writers should tar themselves, but clearly no one is vaguely ashamed.

I mean, we have to shoehorne appearences from Youtubers AlphaOmegaSin and MetalJesusRock (and somehow the legendary band Nile), need something to bait Twitch viewers in, clearly the plot about baristas fighting aliens that want to steal our heavy metal isn’t enough random “for the lulz” by itself.
Thankfully you can skip dialogues by pressing B.

Gameplay wise, it’s so faithful to its ispirations it’s downright obtuse, a prime example of not understanding the very genre you’re trying to serenade, not evolving or improving the combat system, and even badly aping them, with finnicky hit detection making most of the extra weapon useless, blows that don’t stop enemies so they power through your attacks, when they don’t snipe you with projectiles from outside the screen. Most of the difficulty is obtained via cheap bullshit, and it’s unbalanced as well, with boss fights that are usually piss easy and just annoying.

Its main selling point, the random modifiers, are such a liability the game improves when you deactivate them. Sadly you can’t turn off or ignore the password system as the sole mean to continue, and the game also quickly outstay its welcome, continuing on and on instead of ending.

At least the music is decent-good… but 30 years later, Bad Dudes it’s a way better game.

Still.

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Woodle Tree Adventure Deluxe NSWDDL [REVIEW]

Today’s game is one of those Steam releases that eventually find a way to consoles, often repackaged or enhanced, like this little platformer by italian team Chubby Pixel, now sold digitally on modern platforms with the new “Deluxe” monicker, for 2 bucks. I got it on sale (if anything because the sale remembered me of this one existing) for the Switch, and after playing it on and off for some time, i feel it’s time to review it as a sign of “camaraderie” of sorts to me fellas. 🙂 Continua a leggere “Woodle Tree Adventure Deluxe NSWDDL [REVIEW]”

[EXPRESSO] Gato Roboto NSWDDL | Domo Domo

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I didn’t know what exactly to make out of Gato Roboto, but since it was on sale and Devolver Digital published it, why not, for 2 bucks?

And it’s not like the game hides or even tries to hide its ispiration, as the main image used for marketing is a cat exiting a black and white version of Samus Aran’s Power Suit. The actual robot suit doesn’t look like that (as one might reasonably guess), but it tells you exactly what this is: is Super Metroid with a cat.

That’s it. I was expecting to see an actual gimmick, but the “gimmick” is that it’s a really good Metroid style title, actually finding the good balance between contained world and Metroidvania style progression that Xeodrifter failed to capture, so you don’t get lost at all since the design pushes you in a certain direction, but you also need to find out how to progress with the obstacles each enviroment introduces, such as heat, lava, water, etc.

And the whole idea of “Metroid but you’re a cat” is actually used well, as you can leave the suit to swim (begrudingly so), jump-scale walls or navigate narrow passages, but you have no offensive capability… because you’re just a normal cat, as normal as a cat using a robotic suit can be. Some good, challenging boss battles too, for a ¾ hour (more if you want to complete it 100 %) experience that’s fun all the way through, and doesn’t overstay its welcome for the sake of pleasing insane logic such as “hour=price”.

And while the aesthetic choice of “black and white graphics with retrò pixel aesthetic” is as “indie game” as it can be, it’s actually pleasing to look at (which isn’t always the case), and the story isn’t half bad, too. Fun one, recommended!

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[EXPRESSO] Jurassic Pinball NSWITCHDDL |Triassic Bore

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I do know i wasn’t expecting much when i picked this up on sale for like a buck and seventy cents.

I mean, if you see what other titles Enjoy Up Games publishes, you really won’t expect much from a single pinball table. Yeah, instead of the Pinball Fx/Pinball Arcade/Zen Pinball business model of a free client from where to try, see and get what table you like from their selection, Enjoy Up Games just sold the table for cheap as stand alone download.

Which it’s odd and makes me feel like i’m pickin on a small child, but i don’t feel that bad because this rotten kid is hurling obscenities and throwing shit at me because i dared to exist there and then.

Budget game, yeah, but i expect some competence from a modern release. Jurassic Pinball instead does even less than old compilation on GBA or PS2 did, not bothering to even have a small info section on the missions, the criteria to win or activate them. Just play and aim at the blinky things, eventually you’ll trigger a mission, in most cases by pure chance, because the physics are dung.

Balls either move up at absurd speed giving you no time to use the crap tilt function, or just suddendly lose all momentum in the very middle of the table, because they feel like it. I’ve played old pinball games that require you to get used to the physics, but even old Game Boy pinball games give you a better sense of control, here you always feel in the sclerotic manos of fate.

So, in a way, it won’t matter than the mission are very pedestrian and random, and that there’s literally nothing besides leaderboards. Not even a two player mode.

Don’t bother. Not even on sale.

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