I eventually had to find out this existed, because words like “sequels” don’t mean anything anymore, even more when we dwelve in the “homegrown/DIY” territory of the shark movies, where one name echoes through the vast oceans, Mark Polonia, and he stands atop of his carboard throne, commanding beasts of papermaciè and plastic (and whatever the budget can afford) to fend off the rare adventurers setting off in the desperate quest for the homegrown crown.
So powerful he is that only he can received the task of doing a sequel of a low budget shark movie he didn’t originally make, as Jurassic Shark was directed and produced by Brett Kelly, but that isn’t even the stranger thing about Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse.
That would be this one standing as the “official” sequel, as Brett Kelly also directed Raiders Of The Lost Shark, which was a surprise kind of sequel to Jurassic Shark, as i discussed when reviewing it.
But this one gets to have the Jurassic Shark name and slap a 2 on the end, for whatever reason, and so it kinda surprising the plot has anything to do with the first, as the oil company from the first movie (whom accidentally released the megalodon) is back and wanting to drill for oil of the coast of Cat Island (not that one), and its up to the workers of the oil rig – that accidentally discover the beast – to try and save what they can from its unfeeling jaws… And its amazing inflatable fin.
I know, i know, what character is Jeff Kirkendall (a Polonia regular that pretty much shows up in any of its recent movies) playing here? Sadly he’s no merc, unlikely teen or shark priest here, but just a plain oil rig worker, he really got gibbed this time around, but there’s always a new Polonia flick, so keep trying, Jeff, we’re all rooting for you!ù
I’m not even being sarcastic, i like that guy, really wish him the best, as with the dude playing the improbable “old sea captain with pipe and grizzled voice” incredibly stock on purpose, almost like he’s trying to channel the captain from Tin Tin as Popeye or something. XD
Instead of bitching about the movie since it’s the crapfest you’ve been promised, i’m gonna point out that already the inflatable fin makes the budget for the movie rise above the one for the original Jurassic Shark, that movie alone made me appreciate the Polonia Bros output, reminding one that there always IS a lower tier, a blacker abyss, and so on.
Can i really complain when at least i can hear clearly all the dialogue here, with the sound of walking over dead leaves NOT completely covering up the actors’ lines?
Yep, the bar is that much low, and like many of these “almost no budget” flicks, the plot it’s basically the size of a packing peanut and to reach 70 minutes there’s a lot of random bullshit, like one dude being a creep in 4K by photographing random ladies, a reporter trying to do a journalism (while spilling exposition that wants to confirm the events of Jurassic Shark did happen “fo’ real”, despite this clearly not being filmed in the same lake in Canada), the aforementioned creep and his friend working at the marina now after the reward for retrieving the painting dropped in the waters by the thieves of the first movie, and at least they had the budget to rent out what looks like a rig.
There’s some laughs to be had, thanks to “i don’t give shit” attitude and display of special effects and some of the laughably “so bad it’s good” performances (the captain kills me in how mismatched are the actor and the lines attached to his persona), but this one it’s disappointingly tame, lacking either some kind of ambition to its absurdity or some unhinged execution of “the crappy shark movie done with 20 bucks on hand”, it’s pretty dull and ho-hum even on the “Polonia scale”.
Also, it’s still 1 hour longer than it needs to be (these movies should be trailers or shorts, let’s be real), but i’d take this over the first Jurassic Shark or Apex Predators/Jaws Of Los Angeles.
And before you ask, YES, there’s a Jurassic Shark 3, also by Mark Polonia, would be weirder if there wasn’t given that Brett Kelly has pretty much given him the franchise, guess we need it since there’s an assassination subplot that never get resolved here, i’m willing to assume it was a deliberate choice and not an oversight, who can really say…
So see you for the review of that one too, eventually.
Wise Cafe (International) 