Magical Senpai (2019) Anime First Impressions | Magashi Kashi

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I feel like getting some use of my Crunchyroll subscription (which in Italy isn’t a great deal like it is for the States), so let’s talk about the first 3 episodes of Magical Senpai, let’s do a “first impression sorta thing”.

The premise is quite simple: non-Hotaru Shidare of Dagashi Kashi is not a publicity stunt weirdo obsessed with candy products, but a girl that opened a Magic Club in the school, and wants to recruit other members by just being obsessed about magic instead of candy. But as a random freshman finds out when deciding to see what the club was like…. she is awful at doing magic tricks. She tries her best, but she’s still awful, really, really catastrophically awful at it.

The freshman is basically strung along her well meant but failing attempts at magic and excessively talkative behaviour, and their hijinxs (eventually, going by the opening and the mediocre song used for it) attract other weird characters to the club.. Continua a leggere “Magical Senpai (2019) Anime First Impressions | Magashi Kashi”

Sand Sharks (2011) [REVIEW] | Shark On The Beach

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Tis the season.

If you are an avid shark moviegoer, it’s quite likely you heard of it, but then again, there are so many of these crappy B-movies around, it might have been lost between the Sharkenados, the Sharktopuses (a trilogy, so far) and the sharks that stack corpses to create dams like frigging beavers.

And because you didn’t ask, Zombeavers is also a thing.

Sand Sharks it another sterling exemplary of titulation, because it’s true, this time the sharks swim in the sand. How? In the paraphraresd words of the resident marine biologist “because they basically suck water out of the sand to survive”. ‘K. Continua a leggere “Sand Sharks (2011) [REVIEW] | Shark On The Beach”

[EXPRESSO] Biker Mice From Mars iOS | Nostalgia & Rat Milk

Yeah, time to reach for some low hanging fruit. If you were born in the 90s, you probably saw or remember this TMNT rip-off from you childhood.

Not that it’s worth remembering.

Then again, you probably didn’t know (or care to know) about this smartphone game, which i stumbled upon when browsing for other stuff in the bowels of the App Store.

Of course it’s a crappy endless runner. Functional, yes, but so bad it doesn’t feel like you’re moving through space in a bike, more like you’re a toy with magnets moved around a crap plastic city by a bored child. It looks like ass, unfinished, and is so cheap it reuses badly cropped images from the old cartoon, because who cares.

This one is so fuckin pathetic it won’t even try to coerce you into using premium currency to retry a level or continue, it knows it’s dung to the max. The game being so shit it pratically begs you to keep playing would be laughable enough for a cheap ass license videogame that exists to mine some some cash from desperate, naive souls.

But i just lost it when i arrived at the first boss, and got stuck in a loop, able to continue from a checkpoint, but since the ammo isn’t recharged when you continue, i kept inevitably smashing into enemies i couldn’t kill. I was gonna quit and end it there, but i kept trying and somehow the game decided to skip me to the boss, which managed to “kill” me with oil puddles… which just didn’t appear, if not for a fraction of a second when hit.

Then i somehow managed to fail the mission entirely, which required me to replay the stage from scratch.

Disinstalled into the void from which it came.

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[EXPRESSO] Demon’s Crystals PSN | In The Age Of Wonders..

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The story of Demon’s Crystals (related in half-assed text scrolls at the very beginning and end) is some evil monsters arrived and changed everyone into monsters, strange since you control half-dragon half human characters, but whatever, kill them all and reclaim your crystals back using magical guns, because it’s a twin stick shooter.

The hordes making up a stage will require you to collect a set number of crystals, kill a set number of enemies, or do both under the time limit, but besides that, it’s very typical of the genre. You get a good array of power ups with time limited usage, a very simple level up system (which makes you take and dish more damage) but there’s not loadout or any sort of customization or depth,

It would be a decent game of this genre, more on the “budget” side (not helped by the “halloween store” aesthetic), simple but fun, with a decent difficulty curve. Shame that the camera is a weird – and bad – compromise between isometric and “bird’s eye”, and in heated moments it becomes hard to tell which are your bullet or the enemy’s (when they don’t get accidentally camouflaged by the level), if you manage to see them coming at all, who knows what specific part of the stage will bother to block them.

This is especially noticeable during the few boss fights, especially the final one, which – on top of being cheap and frustrating – may obscure half the screen, when its routines don’t bug or glitch out.

When the game doesn’t randomly crash at the continue screen, which it loves to do – a LOT – at the final boss. Lovely.

You have local co-op, some competitive online modes and a survival mode, but… yeah, play Ruiner or anything by Housemarque, instead.

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[EXPRESSO] Toy Story 4 (2019) | Stories Of Old

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Let’s get the obvious out right away: Toy Story 4 didn’t need to exist, especially with the perfect closure given by the third one. And we didn’t expect “The Toys Room” quality, we didn’t.

The plot this time centers around Debbie, the little girl that Andy gifted his old toys to at the end Of Toy Story 3 (which was 10 years ago), anxious about going to the kindergarden, and on the first day (with the help of an apprehensive Woody) she makes a toy out of a plastic fork and craft materials, naming him Forky, and basically bestowing sentience and life unto it. Forky is confused by being alive, a toy, and he keeps trying to hurl himself in the bin, from which he literally came.

Woody, who is feeling pretty useless and forgotten, continuously undoes the endless “suicide” attemps of the newborn toy, and wants Forky to understand how important he is for Debbie, etc. But things get a bit hairy when the family goes on a road trip, and Woody encounters an old acquaintance, meeting new, weird toys….

You know what, this is quite good in itself, with funny new characters (including a canadian Evil Kenivel knock-off toy), some interesting resolutions for Woody, the animation is top notch as you’d expect…. but it feels like there is just so much you can do with this idea, the writers are trying to keep it interesting, but it retreads more old ground than expected (Woody’s character arc, in particular), some jokes are hammered in the viewer a bit too much, and the new songs… kinda meh.

It’s good, as you’d expect, but this fourth installment just feel unnecessary and doesn’t add much to the series. Still worth seeing, without a doubt, but i worry about the future of the franchise. Mh.

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[EXPRESSO] Stockholm (2018) | Chillin With The Captives

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So, this finally arrived in ol’ Italy a week ago, let’s review it!

Very loosely based on the events of the infamous Stockholm bank robbery of 1973 (and hence on the concept of “Stockhold Syndrome” which spun from it), Robert Budreau’s movie tells the story of the bizzarre bank robbery operated by Lars Nystrom, an eccentric and quirky criminal that occupies the bank, takes some hostages, and negotiates the release of his friend Gunnar, that joins Lars as a mediator.

But as the standoff between the criminals and the police proceeds, the hostages form a bonding relationship with their captors, willing to take their sides over the police’s.

As you may expect, it’s a very romanticized take on the story, with many liberties taken (like the use of Bob Dylan songs instead of Elvis and Roberta Flack’ tracks by the strange criminal), and the oddity of the whole situation lend itself quite nicely to a crime comedy, with some decent drama and interesting execution, and likable characters.

While it’s done fairly well, well casted and acted, the idea of a movie about the Stockolm bank robbery is quite nice, it has some issues, mostly because it never fully commits to it’s stance on the matter of police abuse, despite the script being pretty clear who you’re supposed to symphatize with, but ultimately painting the picture of a complex situation, an absurd but more realistic one, which is fine, but it’s also playing a bit too safe.

For me, at least.

That and the characterization is ultimately uneven, because we get a romance between Lars and Clara, but even Gunnar is just……… kinda there for the most part, like the other hostages. Which is kinda disappointing.

Still, a more than decent movie, could have been better, but not bad at all!

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Godzilla PS4 [REVIEW] | King Of The Dumpsters

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Copy Purchased
Platform: PS4
Developed By: Natsume Atari
Players: 1 – 4 (online multiplayer only)

Yeah, the one that spawned the “Godzilla is approaching the generator!” meme, as popularized by “Angry” Joe Vargas.

And keeping that in mind, is worth noting that the obnoxiously repeated observation is also pointless, because you can check the “health” of the generator just by looking at how many of the spinnings parts of it are red and unmoving.

Just so you know this is shit from the start.

Bring your shovel, there’s a lot of whatsit to plow through. Continua a leggere “Godzilla PS4 [REVIEW] | King Of The Dumpsters”

[EXPRESSO] Pet Sematary (2019) | Truckin’ Dead

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I’m not familiar at all with Pet Sematary, be it the original book by Stephen King, or the 1989 movie adaptation (and his lesser known sequel, Pet Sematary Two), but there’s a new adaptation in theathers, so why not?

The premise is similar to the book (which was inspired by the famous The Monkey’s Paw story) or the previous movie incarnations, with a family that moves in their new country house, with a burial ground for pet animals – the titularly mispelled campo santo -located in the nearby woods. The house cat dies, and the father buries it in the “pet sematary”, which seems to hold a strange power, as their neighbour warns them of the ground being cursed…

I’m not gonna gonna point out differences between the book or the other movie, or say this is one of the better S. King adaptations, because i really can’t (i don’t count reading wikia as “having watched/read thing”), and you’re probably more familiar with the material than me anyway. I’m gonna say that the film is a bit frustrating to talk about, because the premise is intriguing, the tone is quite good, the acting and characterization too, i like that the entity is never overexplained (they say Wendigo at one point, but its got bugger all to do with the actual Wendigo from Algonquian folklore) but it’s a shame that the numerous attempts at jumpscares don’t really land.

And the pacing is slow, not particularly so, but enough to make the movie seem longer than it is, and the third act in contrast feels like it’s going fast, with some kinda silly sequences, which beg some explanation (or a better execution). I do like the ending, but i struggle to say that is “good”, quite close, but still not exactly there.

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[EXPRESSO] Stan & Ollie (2018) | Friends To The End

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Yes, this arrived just now in my country’ theathers (1st of may, to be precise), and i’ll be blunt, that’s my only gripe with Jon S. Baird biopic about Laurel and Hardy’s beloved comedic personas.

In 1953, after their Hollywood days and a long period apart, Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy reunite for a tour in english theathers, in order to rack some needed cash, and also train for their upcoming movie about Robin Hood, pitched to a producer but still in the air. They are warmly welcomed by the public, still enamoured with their antics and affable charm, but it’s not the relatively small packed crows they attract at first, the competition coming from the cinemas (or the home video), not even the rise of new comedic duos like Abbott and Costello the main problem.

It’s their crumbling friendship, with old grudges resurfacing, the constant knowledge of them being a thing of the past, held together by their personas more their actual selves (or so they think), and a conflicting view on many things, all made worse by Oliver’s degrading health. It’s a tale about mending a broken friendship in the world of entertaiment when you’re not top dog(s) anymore, and it’s beatifully executed, even more because you don’t really need to have a lot – if any – familiarity with the duo, or even like the passè style of comedy (i personally think it’s more cute than funny today).

Steve Coogan and John C. Reilly do a stunning job portraying the comedy duo, which is shown not as overly-idealized , but as a couple of flawed individuals (the controversy with Hal Roach is portrayed, for example), with a great balance of drama and comedy, that celebrates earnestly friendship and passion for the craft.

Funny and quite touching.

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So, about that Sonic The Hedgehog movie trailer…

Don’t worry, i’m not gonna go into a tirade about the recently revealed trailer about the Sonic The Hedgehog live-action film.

But let me say, i’m honestly kinda intrigued, this looks like a more than fitting candidate for the “so bad it’s good” category, it looks like a mess, one made in the 90s alongside the Super Mario Bros live-action movie (back when they really didn’t had any precedent or clue of how to make a videogame-to-movie adaptation), almost intentionally so, “a cult movie in the making”, which seems like the case, it doesn’t look like it’s done on purpose to be a cult hit (it doesn’t work that way).

I don’t particulary care about Sonic as a franchise or a character, and i’m honestly ready to close this apparently unending “nostalgia for the 90s” trend and move on (good lord, we let Busby resurrect with not one, but TWO games, yeah, there’s another coming), but Jim Carrey as Eggman/Robotnik is a fun choice, and i’m eagerly awaiting it, this has all the elements of a potential disaster on all fronts, a supreme bad movie that becomes legendary, a gift, in a way.

Not that we needed/wanted it, at all, but since it’s coming out anyway…

Also, kudos to the director Jeff Fowler (at it’s first feature length film) for at least taking the criticism (well deserved, i mean, just look at it and try to tell me it’s a good design) on the chin and promising to fix Sonic’s design. Which is already been fixed in edits by random people on twitter (and i doubt it will be actually done, i don’t want crunch to happen because of this), but still, i respect the willingness to address this and not just ignore it.

Which would be quite understandable, given how people on social media react to anything.

**Also, a refresher, this was also a thing.**

I’ll be back with a couple of reviews soon enough!