Robot Holocaust (1986) [REVIEW] | Nobody expects the… Robot Holocaust?

Since newer generations of shit movie seekers might not be familiar with this one, let’s cover one of the “classics” in terms of poverty filmaking, one that indeed rivals the many horrible trashy exploitations movies we italians pumped out for the international market during the 70s and 80s, to a legendary degree. If you didn’t know, you would be forgiven in believing this was just another italian production with the usual combination of american actors and italian shooting locations.

Robot Holocaust has certainly that kind of aura to it, even more when it goes for the double whammy of having a sci fi story mixed the sword and sorcery bullshit… minus actual magic.

And i gotta say, upon revisiting it its still an impressive piece of legendary so bad its good shit, a relic from a past filled with movies like these that were so bad and poor in everything they ended up being accidentally funny, hilarious while being so bad it borders on being utright unwatchable shit.

For many of you, this isn’t anything new, at all, as the movie it’s pretty well known among older generations of crap cinema conosseurs, it’s “basic knowledge”, but Robot Holocaust deserves its place in bad movie history, and its legend it’s worth retelling over and over, even if it doesn’t involve Andre The Giant.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] Ant-Man and The Wasp: Quantumania (2023) | King Kang

Ah yeah, the sequel to that one most people (me included, to be truthful) plain skipped, until they had to hurriedly watch it in order to follow whatever was gonna going on Quantumania.

I say this because i get the feeling many threat this series as “multiverse marmite”, a byproduct of this fucking decade long MCU plan, a lot more “skippable” than others, even if this is supposed to be the movie to kick off Phase 5, i had my expectations fairly low as expected by now, thanks to the evergrowing Marvel fatigue – itself tiresome to point out, even if it needs to be, as years of Marvel movies pile up – doesn’t help.

Anyway, this time Ant-Man and The Wasp….and basically the entire quantum scientist team get sucked into the Quantum Realm, which is quite different than before, housing a myriad of unknown species and races of humanoids, all theathrened by Kang The Conqueror, helped by his servant MODOK, and YES, the screenshots were right, he looks like he escaped from the music video of Peter Gabriel’s Steam, but then again, its a silly design, what the hell did you expect?

He’s actually kinda one of the best things about Quantumania, as the quantum world is very, VERY Star Wars-esque, the villain is decent but feels like purposefully underveloped for future MCU movies, the plot it’s so ironically tiny and feels tacked on (pun), direction is unremarkable, the cast seems to be kinda phoning it in (aside from Jonathan Majors as Kang), and action isn’t great, just incredibly average for these movies.

It’s okay, as in, it’s not boring, it has its moments but it’s just plain “mid”, fairly uninspired, and honestly the two previous Ant Man movies were better, smaller in scope but just more fun overall.

[EXPRESSO] Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker (2019) | Let’s get this over with

Yeah, why not, let’s review this one and hopefully after some weeks “the discourse” on social media will have died, until a new trilogy is planned and we’ll all do this dance again.

So, i don’t particularly like or dislike Star Wars (like most peoples, i do like the simple idea of fairy tales in space with beam swords, weird looking aliens, magic, sci-fi and shit), but i’ll watch them, why not, and while i wasn’t feeling it with The Force Awakens, i got a new found appreciation for it, because at least it was a good repackaging/best of.

Now, this was gonna be a mess anyway, since J.J. Abrams for some reason wasn’t director and writer on all the trilogy, which brought us the quite good The Last Jedi, but also this, a movie that not only is far different from the one before, but basically tries to undo and retcon most of what was said there, like it has to “fix” many plot points in order to basically re-do Return of The Jedi.

Hell, they even bring Palpatine back, which is both good and bad, because it’s a tacit admission that they can’t do any better than reharsh the same old shit, without adding anything to it, in fact a notable regression, stuffed full of fanservice in a nakedly cynical bid to appease a fanbase that will never be appeased regardless, and with a script that’s embarassing, with plot points pulled out of the arse all over the place.

I mean, it’s still less boring than senate hearings of a galaxy far far away, yeah, but it’s a complete mess of a story, at least it’s the kind of bad that ‘s watchable and goes by relatively fast. MH.

Well, time to finally watch Parasite for me!