The Spooktacular Eight #4: Big Tits Zombie / Big Tits Dragon (2010)

Based on the manga Big Tits Dragon from Rei Mikamoto (Satanister, Reiko The Zombie Shop, Bloody Deliquent Chainsaw Girl, A Girl of The Iron Ghost), directed and written by Takao Nakano, a famous japanese satirist, or so the Wikipedia page says, in any case i never heard of him before, but giving his background in the japanese adult video market and the cast made out of famous faces from the japanese porn industry (again, so says Wikipedia, i can’t know everything), and given how he did a parody of sorts of Cronenberg’s Shivers (called Sexual Parasite: Killer Pussy, which is up there with Killer Condom as titles you can give movies)….yes, he being involved makes total sense.

It was shot in 3D, which it won’t matter to me since i can’t access a 3D version, and of course there’s no european release of any kind, home video, streaming, nada. Actually, there is a german release and there was an UK release by Terracotta Productions (even had a limited UK theathrical run), but the latter is nowhere to be found, not on their store, site, or even on most ecommerce sites.

I actually heard of this some years ago, that it was a parody or satire of this subgenre of japanese trash cinema, and i can’t deny, for sure it’s deliberately taking the piss at this kind of cheap genre entertaiment… and itself, because at heart it’s also cheap junk with nudity, gore and stuff like a flamethrower vagina, it knows that as well. Which it’s the usual cop-out of being the very thing you make fun of, and self-awareness as an “excuse” really doesn’t cut it anymore, i feel.

That undermines the main “joke” a lot, it does, but i’ll say in spite of that there some wit to the script and the way it takes the piss (regardless if it deserves to or not) it’s kinda charming, there are some funny moments of surreal humour and oddball splatter gags, alongside the deliberately ridiculous make up and effects, it being a cheap production doesn’t really “explain” the random ass ensemble of dead people turned zombies. Ironically it still looks better than both Oneechanbara movies, despite clearly having similar production values, and the grindhouse presentation is nice.

I gotta say, the satire is already in the original title, that slaps a “5” on the end, implying it’s another sequel, along with a “vs” monicker. And yet is not complete gibberish, because we have a team of 5 strippers against zombies that have risen up in a spa. Technically correct, the best kind of correct.

Yeah, the movie starts in media res as a grindhouse style horror action flick, then the main character freezeframes so she can tell us how she ended up fighting zombies. She comes back from Japan after her vacation in Mexico, and she ends up working as a stripper to rack up some cash, but the stripper theathre is pretty much desert of customers, much to her dismay and the rest of the “stripper group”, which include a gothic lolita occult freak, a tempered old timer, an ex-criminal, and a “non japanese asian girl” desperate for money (due to family reasons).

One day they accidentally discover a secret locked door in the restrooms, they break in and find out that the place is connected to the old abandoned spa, which was closed due to sinister suicides and freaky shit, but also served some purpose, as someone collected occult books, stuff in jars, even a fake “spirit well”… but some of it isn’t fake as they accidentally summon zombies by reading from the Book of The Dead, and have to improvise the old ass kicking, gut slicing, chainsaw tearing action in scanty clothes to save the day from the undead menace.

Despite kind being the very thing it pokes fun at, it’s delivers on everything it promises (tits, asses, gore, general nudity and zombies) the niche audience it’s made for, it has some wit indeed, some of the later jokes fall kinda flat but at it doesn’t come off as grating since it’s barely above 70 minutes long of of mostly entertaining nonsense.

I expected it to be a bit better and funnier, to be honest, but it’s still enjoyable if you’re into this niche cinema.

In 2016 we would see another live action adaptation of a Rei Mikamoto manga, with the aforementioned “Bloody Chainsaw Girl” movie.

But that it’s for another time, as they say.

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