If you are gonna make a low budget dinosaur film, i can’t nor will stop you.
Obviously, how else i’m gonna keep doing this rubric otherwise?
Still, consider this a courtesy more than a request: please call it anything else than “Jurassic Island”. There are simply way too many films titled as such.
I understand wanting to keep the “Jurassic” in as it helps shows up in searches (and fooling someone into renting this, believing it’s one of the big budget Jurassic Park/World films), just fucking choose another noun.
Plus it is makes it sound like it’s a kids film… which is very rarely the case.
Might as well ask since it’s not like i have much to say about the plot.
So much i would be tempted to just outright skip it.
I mean, what do you think the plot for a movie called “Jurassic Island” is?
“A group of explorers find themselves on an unknown islands which has dinosaurs.”
They go because one of the lead girl’ parents was an archeologist and hasn’t been heard from in 6 weeks, while in search of the very same remote island his grandfather was obssessed with.
And also zombies, i guess. Gotta try to “stand out” in some way.
the dinosaurs are immediatly bad, like, i usually don’t bother critizicing the anatomy of these cheap CG dinos, i’m not that much of an expert, but when you show a T-Rex in the first minutes and it looks like they didn’t even model its hind legs properly, they look like they stuck a T-Rex model on a Metal Gear Gekko, or forgot it was not a satyr but a dinosaur until they were almost done.
Come on, now, it’s embarassing when I know more about correct dinosaur anatomy than people making dinosaur films (low budget or not doesn’t matter).
But who knows, maybe dinosaurs were indeed ancestors to raw uncooked chickens.
Honestly, this might be a contender for worse CG dinosaur models, it is slightly better than Dinosaur Hotel (as this one is also an UK production by Scott Jeffrey) only because the dinosaurs don’t have framerate issues, but you also could easily argue they even cheaper and stiffer looking in motion, plus that T-Rex model at the beginning (and at the end, too) is a triumph of shit, it just feels blatantly wrong immediatly on an anatomical level, even if you’re used to the image of the T-Rex seen in movies, videogames, pretty much anywhere.
Honestly, it’s also an ungodly boring affair, one of those that feel extra long despite not even reaching the 90 minutes mark, heck, not even reaching 80 minutes this time around.
Which is pretty pathetic, but since i do often lament these films being way too long at 90 minutes too, i’ll count it a small mercy, because sure as hell i didn’t enjoy it.
The acting is not good and fairly hammy but could be worse, the cast has Sarah T. Cohen (Younger, The Interestings) but sporting an unconvincing american accent, i’ve seen stiffer, more wooden actors but that’s not saying much, expecially since the attempts at humour are pretty awful and with the direction and script it never even becomes accidentally hilarious in own crapness.
I mentioned zombies, which are indeed the only thing distinguishing this from any other cheap dinosaur film dumped on streaming and DVD, and its due to toxic leeches on the island.
Not gonna bother asking what the logic was behind this, besides the obvious reduced cost and time as they could skimp out on the dinosaurs by dumping some zombie make up on actor whose character they were likely to kill off sooner than later.
It’s still not as horrendously bad as Dinosaur Hotel, since it has more than a singular, small location, but it’s close, and it’s also not accidentally funny bad in how it was ready to throw some rando monsters n shit, like Jurassic Triangle, though it’s not really better than that (or Dinosaur Hotel for that matter), at the end of the day we’re scraping with vigor the bottom of the barrell.
It could be Jurassic Thunder, but it’s not (since here they try to actually go for a serious tone, for better or worse), put that on the DVD cover quotes.
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