With a title like that, you know you’re either in for something that will serve as a perfect snapshot of the era, or you’re gonna eat some rotten bait, punished for willingly walking into an ACME trap.
I do like how to the point it is, like, you already know how crap these modern shark movies are, we’re gonna come clean and maybe lower your expectations even further to the point you may actually like our film, if it can actually somehow rise above being another self-deprecating joke stretched to feature lenght runtime?
This one was also surprisingly elusive since it never streamed on something available here, and out of pure stubborness i ended up importing the US DVD release, i guess Wild Eye Releasing has an exclusive deal of sorts just with Mark Polonia.
That said, this is in a way the “bad shark movie to end all shark movies”, despite some issues we’ll go over, after we go over the plot, because Bad CGI Sharks actually has one.
Two estranged brothers are reunited when the parents kick out the sibling cosplaying as a shark themed “Nostalgia Bum”, and he decides to go meet his brother that works in Hollywood, much to his dismay, but after finding their old shark movie script they started when they were young…. the script does come alive, forcing them to flee from badly rendered CGI sharks that stalk them, with the help of a meta-narrator that also serves as a “show host”, introducing the premise and interfering with the plot, as he actually “magicked” (via a mystical clapperboard, obviosly) their shark script into CGI reality in order to help the brothers mend their relationship by facing this treat together, and realize their childhood dream of making a sharkxploitation film of their own after all.
As you’ve already “guessed”, Bad CGI Sharks is not just heavy on meta-elements, it has fallen inside the meta-cauldron like a shark themed young Obelix, so drenched and intrisic to the movie is in it, it won’t give you a chance to forget its indeed what it seems, a no budget sharkploitation film about the dream of making a sharkploitation film, with sharks that are shitty looking as they could because why wouldn’t they be, ready to weaponize genre cliches and rules for comedy (and making it clear it knows you know), that often is of the “self deprecating kind”, or mostly parodic in nature.
Yet, despite some of the comedy already feeling dated as the “fourthwall destruction” (or more widely the “Deadpoolitis”) is overdone nowadays….and arguably already was back in 2019, i do feel Bad CGI Sharks is still way above most of these kind of parodic-comedic shark movies with little to no budget, because there is some actual effort and a mostly genuine attitudine that ironically makes clear the director and crew had fun while filming it, oxymoronic as it is to see a movie deliberately trying to be bad yet still aware some of the “facade” has to be done in earnest anyway.
There’s actually more than just performative “honesty” as a convenient catch-all excuse, there’s actual sincerity that trickles down and makes clear as much as they make self-deprecating jokes at the genre, have characters wink at the camera deliberately and trolling the audience, they actually like these stupid sharkxploitation films and remembered to make it clear.
Regardless of that, there’s some heart to it that makes the whole thing more cute and endearing than annoying and manipulative, even when they are deliberatly over-explaining cliches or have the meta narrator “wink” at the camera or doing something hammy, and it’s easier to gloss over the istances where they try a bit too hard to be cute (often to also pad out the runtime to 90 minutes), because most of the time the movie hits the right balance of being deliberately badly acted and scripted but also kinda smart, there is some wit to it despite everything, and there are even some unexpected plot developments, which is already notable.
It’s awkward but mostly charmingly so, and to my surprise the dialogue is often funnier than one would reasonably expect for one of these films, i genuinely laughed way more than i would assume, aside from the perfect (for its intense, purpose and budget) “bad cgi shark” itself, which of course just swims-glides in the air, often glitches, to say nothing the absurd “ass through mouth” shot so we can see the model itself it’s hollow, etc.
Also, while it’s a no budget sharkxploitation film, unlike the Polonia gestalt video products, there is some competent work done in technical terms, an attempt at actually making it feel like a movie instead of something a graduate would shoot for fun one boring summer in the woods without ever planning a commercial release…. and then release it anyway, but then again, there’s some guilt to be taken by people like me that search for shit like these on purpose, that go through the trash and made cult hits stuff like Wascavage’s filmography.
Here i usually would shit on the audio, but honestly i never had any issues hearing the dialogues or anything like that, and i quite genuine to good like the soundtrack for the action/running scenes.
The DVD also is way better than most of these releases, as it has a commentary, the teaser, a proper trailer and also the fake tie-in toy commercial, which isn’t as good as the one made to promote The Invisible Raptor, but that movie is lazy shit so…
Overall, there’s no point telling if i recommend Bad CGI Sharks or not… well, there is, i wrote almost 2 pages on it, but with this title and premise, this film from MaJaMa (i assume an alias for the brothers Matthew and Jason Ellsworth, whom also co-write and star as the brother characters) makes it clear beyond doubt this is for – and most likely by – shark movie buffs, for the jaded public more than accostumed with this kind of modern trash cinema, that actively seeks it out, and maybe it’s the abysmal abyss of shark shit i’ve seen over the years lowering my standards for shark films… but i find Bad CGI Shark to be a cute “parody/self aware meta spoof”.
While it also suffers from the obvious cheap shots these self-aware comedy-parodies employ (mostly through self-depreciating jokes or ironically trying too hard where they shouldn’t and little where they should), there is some fun to the characters, the deliberate badness and “ice cream sammich budget” levels of technical poverty of it all, there’s some strange balance where it becomes endearing and enjoyable instead of being plain insufferable.
There is so much worse to see even in this specific niche of shark films, so i wouldn’t mind seeing these guys make another one of these, but apparently we ain’t getting “Bad CGI Sharks 2” ever, since they never made any other film before or after under the “MaJaMa” alias, the brothers themselves did a few shorts…. and now i realize Matteo Molinari (here playing the hammy meta-narrator) was actually the writer for a famous italian “satirical” TV show, Striscia La Notizia, hosted by a famous italian comedian of old, Ezio Greggio, which also ended up acting in late Mel Brooks films, directed the spoof Silence Of The Hams, also with Molinari casted in a minor role.
How the fuck he ended up co-starring and co-writing in a niche sharkxploitation spoof-tribute it’s a mistery in itself that might make for a fascinating editorial of its own.
The world does have a sense of humour, after all.
Wise Cafe (International) 