Piranhaconda (2012) [REVIEW] | Madsen-baiting #snakesofjune

Ah yes, the classic “go-to” choice when you and fellow shlock film makers have done every possible killer animal b-movie… doing another one by straight up mixing animals like Frankenstein if he was that desperate (and bored out of his skull) to bring something from the dead, regardless if it existed or not.

So pretty much like his incarnation in Mary Shelley’s Frankenhole.

Sadly there’s no Moral Orel cameo to be found here, just good old Jym Wynorski doing what he knows best: making cult creature features for SyFy and/or home video releases.

Continua a leggere “Piranhaconda (2012) [REVIEW] | Madsen-baiting #snakesofjune”

Bone Eater (2007) [REVIEW] | So, as i pray

Yes, there’s more. There’s always more TV movie monster movies for me to dig up… often just picked to kill off some time on a sleepy saturday morning from my Amazon Prime Video watchlist (when the frigging service decides to keep or relist them without charging more for it, despite being obvious fodder, always were, always will). And there’s a 40 % chance Jym Wynorski directed them.

Jym Wynorski direct this as well, why even doubt he didn’t direct them all at this point?

And as you might have guessed from the year it was released (and my other reviews of similar TV movies), it’s another SyFy commissioned crapfest produced via CineTel films, who also brought us movies like Lavalantula, the Ghoulies franchise, Super Shark, Indipendence Daysaster, even the new strand of I Spit On Your Grave sequels (following the 2010 remake). Just to name a few.

Continua a leggere “Bone Eater (2007) [REVIEW] | So, as i pray”

Camel Spiders (2011) [REVIEW] | Not camels, nor spiders

Spiders: when you can’t afford sharks or giant reptiles for your creature feature.

And because many people do find arachnids in general to be quite disgusting, so it’s no wonder they’re a constant for b-movies since forever, especially if they’re of giant size.

This time we have Camel Spiders, one of the many late 2000s/early 2010s Roger Corman productions (sporting the “Roger Corman Presents” label on DVD releases), this one directed by Jym Wynorski… credited as Jay Andrews as usual.

For consistency’s sake, i guess.

Continua a leggere “Camel Spiders (2011) [REVIEW] | Not camels, nor spiders”

Shockwave A.K.A. I.A. Assault (2006) [REVIEW] | Wynorski’s War Of The Worlds

I didn’t plan to do a Jim Wynorski-A-Thon when i accidentally started watching movies in my saved list that would soon abandon Amazon Prime Video (or gate themselves beyond another paywall), and i’m tired having to preface this already, but i can’t say i really wanted to see this movie that much.

Then again, i did put in the “watch for later” list because the robots in the thumbnail looked like the martian war machines in H.G. Wells’ War Of The Worlds.

Plot is sadly not as interesting, with a couple of experimental robots sporting advanced IA being carried on a plane over a desert Pacific island, plane crashes, and Navy Seals (because the OSI is busy learning not to plug the entire mainframe into a single wall socket) are sent in to recapture the robots, as they turned against the humans, and they’re getting smarter and smarter….

Script convenient criminals also happen to be arrive on the island, as they manage to get the helicopter stuck there after robbing 2 milions from a passenger cruise, but then again, the Navy (Such As) Seals might as well bring nerf guns, despite knowing the “supah” robots can be harmed only by a specific weapon. And they know because the scientist’s daughter, also a scientist and carrying on her father’s work, told me it is so.

Continua a leggere “Shockwave A.K.A. I.A. Assault (2006) [REVIEW] | Wynorski’s War Of The Worlds”

The Curse Of The Komodo (2004) [REVIEW] | Now Without Curses

Yeah, we’re reviewing the original after the…. follow-up (sequel isn’t really the right word by any stretch of the imagination) that was Komodo VS Cobra, where a mutated Chris Latta is pitted against a radioactive Komodo dragon for reptile supremacy.

Why? Because i was bored and fired that movie up on Amazon Prime Video without doing much research, i mean, it’s not like Piranhaconda (also by Jim Wynorski, incidentally) it’s a crossover between the Piranha series and the Anaconda franchise. And i like i explained in that review, it’s not like it really mattes, since that movie recycled pretty much everything from its *cough * “predecessor”, so inevitably describing the plot of this one also works for most of the sequel, that basically added another giant monster and changed some characters just because it kinda had to.

Continua a leggere “The Curse Of The Komodo (2004) [REVIEW] | Now Without Curses”

Komodo VS Cobra (2005) [REVIEW] | Reptiliarium Rejects

A nice, grating red for the retinas.

I wasn’t really go do a review for this one so soon, i had saved in my Amazon Prime Video list for when i would have been bored enough, or needed to do it for a special, but i noticed the “this title won’t be available after the 5th of December 2020”, so once again i felt coerced to watch and review before its gone or back as a paid rental or tied to another paid subscription within the subscription i’m already paying for.

Heck, i didn’t even knew it was a sequel to The Curse Of The Komodo (which i happen to own, having picked up an ultra cheap DVD copy for it in a flea market some time ago), released just one year prior by the same director… “Jay Andrews”, at least according to the credits.

Continua a leggere “Komodo VS Cobra (2005) [REVIEW] | Reptiliarium Rejects”