[EXPRESSO] The Mortuary Assistant (2026) | Flat Possession Rate

Based on an indie horror game of the same name i’ve heard about but haven’t had the pleasure of playing yet, The Mortuary Assistant has a solid concept, with Rebecca, a mortician in training (with a past od drugs and alcoholism) that has graduated to assistant, being called in by her boss, Raymond, to do an unplanned night shift, with weird requests like embalming then cremating a corpse, but soon strange things start happening…

I’ll be honest, i was just expecting a lesser version of Autopsy Of Jane Doe, and i don’t know how much or if this rappresents the eponymous videogame, but i can sure recognize boring garbage when i see it.

It even starts off decently, but then constantly degrades, between boring flashbacks, tiresome hallucination scenes, or the demon tormenting… well, more dick around (often saying frankly laughable shit) to the protagonist, for reasons that aren’t entirely clear even when the plot stops for lore and-or exposition dumps, nor do we know why the entity doesn’t outright kill the downright stupid protagonist you won’t care about, as she keeps falling for the same obvious trap.

there’s no atmosphere, no tension, the acting is mediocre at the very, very best, everything (entities-monsters included) is just plopped there with no grace or gusto, the thin plot grinds to a halt so we can have lore and make it clear this was based on a videogame, stopping to find video tapes or solve a demonic puzzle by matching symbols or something.

It’s being professionally put together and sporting solid effectds doesn’t matter when it’s all so flat, stupid and boring, never actually scary, especially when its topped off with one hell of a non-ending that i’m not even sure was meant to sequelbait, but will just piss you off even more.

[EXPRESSO] Passenger (2026) | Roadside Hitchin’

I was a bit concerned when i saw Passenger pushed by very little marketing even here, given it’s the new horror movie from respected director Andrè Øvredral (Trollhunter, The Autopsy Of Jane Doe, Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark, The Last Voyage Of The Demeter).

The plot involves a couple that has to leave their house and decide to start living on the road, driving their little caravan around the US, but when they stop one night to try and help the victim of some gruesome road accident, it turns out they involutarily picked up a sinister entity, dubbed by early travelers as the “Passenger”…

The premise isn’t bad at all, and i’m glad we have Øvredral directing, because he can actually do effective jumpscares, the photography is good, the characters are decent, the acting is pretty solid too, but Passenger as a whole isn’t even bad, it’s just disappointing, especially coming from a director that has already proved he can do better than this.

most of the script has either half baked ideas or just rehashes very generic horror elements, which is especially true of the “Passenger” itself, this derivative, generic ass looking and acting demon motherfucker, and even with the lore being an American roadside folklore mythology affair, it then pivots into religious territory… which doesn’t really fit.

There are some nice ideas like them using the cinema projector to visualize the entity, but the rules of the entity seems vague at best, often ignored anyway, the setpieces don’t really build upon each other, and overall the movie just doesn’t do anything original, interesting or that hasn’t been done WAY better before.

Passenger isn’t terrible or anything, it’s watchable, but also incredibly disappointing and frustrating, because you can see the better movie this could have been.

Trollhunter (2010) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Aside from the 2022 Troll monster film on Netflix, there’s not much in the way of troll movies outside of the overcovered Troll 2 (and it’s “prequels” and “sequels” also mostly made by Italian directors and actors), even more so if we’re going for proper giant sized trolls, not the tiny ones, or the Dreamworks animated film series based on those old troll toys with the hair, for that matter.

Also, i had this on the backburner for a while, and it also lets me cover of my lest liked genres: the found footage mockumentary.

Directed by André Øvredal, nowadays better known for The Autopsy Of Jane Doe, Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark and The Last Voyage of The Demeter (with an upcoming adaptation of the horror videogame Bendy And The Ink Machine) here at his second feature lenght film, one more close to home for him, as it dwelves with the more well known beast of Norwegian folklore: the troll.

Continua a leggere