Reviews in quarantine

So yeah, today the entire of Italy is officially in lockdown, and you could easily recreate the entire of Die Pest En Florenz, on the upside. On the downsides (as far this blog is concerned, as the obvious problems shouldn’t need explanation) cinemas are closed, and it’s quarantine, so, time to do the NEET, i guess, until the start of April, where cinemas should open again so we can catch up to all most english speaking countries already saw months ago (didn’t manage to see the new Grudge reboot-sequel-remake, i wanted to review it, but at this point i’ll have to see on streaming or home video).

I already explained some of this in a previous article, but the situation has gotten worse (we should had declared quarantine much earlier, i think, but it’s Italy, so of course every decision of this magnitude is half-assed and done at the last minute), so keep that in mind, and as i said before, i had some reviews planned and prepared, so the blog will keep going like before.

Stay safe and look forward to more One Piece reviews, as well as the Azur Lane anime review as soon as the last episodes arrive in the coming days.. if they don’t get delayed again. We’ll see!

[EXPRESSO] Cats (2019) | IDW DA NYA

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Yes, we didn’t get this till now, and i was honestly looking forward to see this, to witness how bad it was, for someone that never saw or cared about the play or Thomas Steams Elliot book upon which the musical was notoriously based on.

Maybe it’s because of this, but i was expecting a mountain of weird and baffling stuff, and i wasn’t disappointed, actually found myself quite enjoying it as a “so bad it’s good” experience.

What’s the plot? A group of cats calling themselves “Jellicle Cats” find an abandoned new cat in the streets, they present themselves to her in musical fashion (as you’d expect), tell of their annual dance communion, which culminates in a contest to determine which Jellicle Cat will be sent to the Heavyside Layer in order to be reborn. But an evil magical cat (that seems to have eaten the Sand Sand fruit) wants to sabotage the ritual in order to be chosen for the “cat rapture”.

Why the human-cats hybrids’ size and proportions are constantly changing and not quite matching the size of streets and interiors? Why are they both naked AND clothed at the same time? Why do they look so fuckin creepy and uncanny, being frankly unbelievable in every sense of the word, despite the CG being not cheap by any means? Why is Ian McKellen here to basically mutter and meow like he’s just minutes away from dying? Why Tom Hooper (definitely not the right choice) decided to direct it?

Why Judie Dench is so freaky as Old Deuteronomy, and becomes even more uncomfortable to watch when she lays in the cradle, splaying and spreading?
Really, she’s uncanny.

Not that you’re supposed to ask many (or preferably, any) of these questions.
It don’t matter anyway.

Some nice songs, though.

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[EXPRESSO] Sonic The Hedgehog (2020) | Amish Paradise

So after Sega decided to let the internet hivemind make artistic decisions for its Hollywood blockbuster movie based on its most iconic franchise, after that FX studio fixed the ghastly design Paramount was originally gonne use for Sonic (and got axed, as proof that karma is a phantom under capitalism), after the delays from late 2019 to now, the live-action Sonic The Hedgehog movie hit theathers.

The premise here sees Sonic as an alien who escaped to Earth from his home planet after being hunted for his powers, and hides for years in a little town in Montana called Green Hills, until he accidentaly causes a power outage, prompting the authorities to send the eccentric genius known as Dr. Robotnik, and Sonic has to run for its life, helped by Tom, the local cop who accidentaly discovers him, in a quest to recover the lost magical rings.

I was skeptic and waiting for this one to be a regression after the Detective Pikachu movie, and it’s Sonic, there are legitimate reasons why the series has this sketcky (at best) reputation nowadays outside of the 2D style releases. … and sadly i wasn’t too far off. Mind you, it actually fairly good as an adaptation, with pretty much all elements associated with Sonic displayed or worked into the plot, but it’s also a very formulaic kids movie at heart (no “liar reveal”, thankfully).

And while having Jim Carrey back to chewing the scenery with mighty gusto like he did before is nice, he isn’t given very funny lines, and it all feeds into the 90 nostalgia this movie leans heavily on without trying much on anything else.

It’s not bad, at all, but i’m not gonna say it’s decent just because we are trained to expect weird baffling shit from Sonic as a brand.

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[EXPRESSO] Fantasy Island (2020) | Horror Spice

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So this is basically a horror reimagining of a 70’s/80’s tv series, one i’ve never even heard before i stumbled upon the listing of this movie, but i guess if children shows like The Banana Splits can get remade as horror movies, it’s fair game for everybody.

The premise centers around the eponymous, remote tropical island, where the mystical Mr. Roarke (Michael Peña) makes the most secret dreams of his guests come true. But as the fantasies morph into nightmares, the captive guests have to solve to mystery of the island if they want to escape it, and the true reason they were all brought there.

I frankly don’t know or care if this is a “needed” or random remake of the source material, but even so, i could see this movie working even without the horror elements, which at times they do spice things up a bit, but on other occasions are so tacked on and clichè to the point of being just laughable, just thrown together into the supernatural thriller-drama cauldron, using the premise to link together scenes from different genres (a bit of Saw, a bit of war movie, a bit of heist movie, a family drama) in a coherent way.

And it works, it’s what i would classify as “movie meatloaf”, but it’s entertaining, fairly well acted, has decent characters, but it should (and could) have been shorter, as the last act drags on by using horror cliches, and it’s odd how mostly bloodless it is for a horror movie, not that this one actually needed Braindead/Dead Alive levels of gore, or horror elements to begin with. It’s not a case of “neutering for the sake of PG-13”, it just a story that could have done without being horror “flavored” and not lose much.

It’s alright.

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[EXPRESSO] Birds Of Prey (2020) | Quinn Patrol

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First off: i didn’t hate Suicide Squad, but boy it was bad, not the worst, but still quite bad, and was so widely panned i’m kinda surprised they even bothered to go through with this… sequel, i guess.

It takes place after Suicide Squad, but aside from a passing comment from Ms. Quinzell herself, it’s basically it’s own movie, focusing on Harley Quinn, who breaks up “Mister J” and goes solo, at first trying to survive without the impunity she had for being with Joker, and then meeting with three female anti-heroes/vigilantes (Black Canary, Huntress and a cop named Renee Montoya) that are searching for a girl named Cassandra Cain, also hunted by villain Roman Sionis, better known as “Black Mask”, who has a plan for taking control of the city’s criminal underbelly, now that Gotham is Batman-less.

While it retains some of the aesthetical flair of the “previous” movie, Birds Of Prey is a different beast, as in it actually knows what it wants to be, and its highly confident in itself, just as much as Margot Robbie’s perfect interpretation of the crazed anti-heroine, with a fun comic book atmosphere and the whole “magenta rebellion” visual style that you could have easily made this an animated movie (and there is a very nice animated prologue).

That and it actually understand that you can do a movie about “girl power kicking ass” and not undermine your own point by quasi-neutering your vision, as fight scenes are quite fun and are deciliously leaning on the savage side (without going randomly overboard), with plenty of arms and legs broken in slo-mo, fun coreography and setpieces, and a decent story told by and for the qwirky arlequin of Gotham. At times the quirkyness is a bit grating, i gotta say, but still charming.

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[EXPRESSO] 1917 (2019) | Trench-A-Live

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The director of American Beauty and Revolutionary Road (also behind the last two Bond films, which i simply didn’t see) is back to the war epic 25 years after it’s own Jarhead, so yeah, it’s quite understandable all the buzz and expectations surrounding it, but i gotta be honest, i wasn’t exactly hyped, since the self-explanatory title tells you right away it’s set in WWI, but still, a more interesting proposal than going back to WWII (or Vietnam) again.

Set at the zenith of WWI, the film centers on two british soldiers stationed in northern France, Schofield and Blake, tasked to deliver an order from HQ, which tells of an upcoming surprise attack planned by the retreating German army. With thousands of lives on the line, the two must race through the hostile Western Front to call off the attack, and for Blake is personal, as his brother is in the squadron they’re trying to save.

Like you’ve probably heard by now, the movie is shot in a faux one-take, as to create a seamless single and constant feed over the lonesome journey through the Western Front, to emphasizes the urgency and stakes for everyone involved, capture the atmosphere of the desolated wastelands of the trenches as the character themselves wade through the dismal sceneries and confront the realities of the conflict, despite their task being oblique and minor in the grand scheme of things.

And yes, it works beautifully, making for an intense and captivating experience that doesn’t just rely on a “trick”, as the events and characters are intriguing themselves, making for good drama that is enhanced by the amazing camerawork and directorion, as is the terrific cinematography, the movie is worth seeing on the big screen just for that. Not for Cumberbatch, as he’s barely in the movie.

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[EXPRESSO] Underwater (2020) |Ocean Walk In The Dark

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“It’s like Aliens, but”… you probably have heard these words more times than you wish, and i remember a similar situation some years ago, when the sci-fi horror thriller Life (starring Jack Gyllenhaal) came out, a good movie, but also one that fully deserved that comparison for actually having a similar plot focused on a crew trying to survive a killer alien lifeform in space.

Viceversa, i understand why many made this comparison again for William Eubank’s new movie, Underwater, because despite the completely opposite setting, it fits the typical sci-fi horror- thriller formula like a glove, and you can effectively swap out “deep space” for “ocean’s abyssus abyssum” without having to change pretty much anything.

The plot sees a deep-sea mining facility being unexpectedly torn apart by an unknown force, with the few survivors in the structure uniting in order to find a way to another outpost, in the hope of finding escape pods before the main drill’s nuclear core erupts, but as they venture into the depths, they also find horrible and vicious creatures lying in wait and quite ready to pick them off, if faulty equipment and the dangerous living conditions didn’t already…

The director of The Signal (the one from 2014 with Lawrence Fishburne, not the other one) here didn’t feel like reinventing anything or playing around with the genre, but then again it becomes pretty clear the intention was just to make a fun sci-fi horror thriller (not that advertising was deceptive, quite the contrary), one i’m glad it’s set underwater instead of space after all.

And on this regard, the movie delivers, with good cinematography, decent atmosphere, good creature design, decent characters, and a satysfing finale. Story is sadly derivative as it gets, but despite this, i’d quite entertaining, and worth a watch.

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[EXPRESSO] Jojo Rabbit (2019) | Achtung! The Desert Night of The Lepus

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Yeah, we didn’t get this in theathers until last week.

Johannes “Jojo” Betzler (anime joke) is a shy 10 year old boy who has trouble making friends, he’s always clumsy and reluctant, so he ends up earning the mocking nickname of being a cowardly “rabbit” (hence the title) by his peers and superiors, because just being in the Hitler Youth wasn’t enough. But fear not, for Jojo has an imaginary friend to rely on, Adolf Hitler (played by Waititi himself, and with gusto), always ready to give him advice when the need arises.

But despite aspiring to belong, he discovers that there’s a jewish girl taking refuge in their house, and experiences many events that make him question the rigid nazi indoctrination received, the arian myth, and all that bullshit, and he digests this……. like a 10 year old boy would.

Despite the edgy-looking premise, Taika Waititi’s “springtime in Germany opus” (loosely based on the novel “Caging Skies” by Christine Leunens) is actually very heartwarming, colorful and playful, but definitely doesn’t pull punches, balancing out drama and comedy like good black comedies do, and i’m kinda surprised by the style of comedy. Sure, Waititi/Imaginary Hitler is goofy and quite fun to watch, there are more flamboyant outbursts, but many jokes are done with an almost deadpan delivery.

Which mostly works, but some scenes would have benefitted by a more outlandish visuals, while others do work better because the characters shrugh off absurd stuff happening, which ultimately makes some of them lacking the impact they’re searching for, not flop totally, but also not making you burst out laughing.

Despite this gripe, it’s a surprisingly uplifting movie, with a very good cast, good characters, but i completely understand why it could fall kinda flat for others, not necessarily because of its subject.

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[EXPRESSO] The Lodge (2019) | Ich Sect

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After the tragic suicide of their mother, a couple of sibling is spending the weekend before Christmas in a mountain lodge with their new stepmother, whom they actively dislike (and kinda blame for their mother’s death, for reasons that are kinda spoiler). As thing between them seem to finally improve, strange events start affecting them, and the stepmother’s past as the only survivor of a cult mass suicide begins to surface…

Good atmosphere, good performances, but there’s also a reason if it felt similar to Goodnight Mommy, of course it does, it’s from the same directors, Veronica Franz and Severin Fiala, which in itself should be a glowing recommendation, but this simply isn’t as good, as – besides the slow pace – it feels more indecisive if to go the paranormal-possession or the paranoia-hallucination route, so it kinda takes time before unveiling the twist, which makes sense and brings some intense scenes, but it’s not particularly satisfying and can kinda be see coming.

Doesn’t help it’s edited in a way that i kinda expected the film to end a couple of times before the actual finale (not sure if good or kind of a cop-out), and the whole stepmother’s backstory about the religious cult doesn’t really make for original or particularly effective visuals (kinda cliched, actually), but it handles them better than regular movies about possessions and religious rituals. And still, it has its creepy and intense moments, the acting is quite good, it’s a more than decent horror thriller that it’s worth seeing, even if a better script would have been welcome.

And the – sadly – unfavorable comparison to Goodnight Mommy isn’t unfair, i fear it’s kinda unavoidable (for the previously mentioned reasons). Not exactly disappointing, but it’s a bit frustrating as you can see how it could have been better. 😦

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[EXPRESSO] 21 Bridges/City Of Crime (2019) | Good Cop, Bad Cop

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Here in my country this one (retitled “City Of Crime” because originality) was advertised highly on having Black Panther’s star Chadwick Boseman and being “from the creators of Avengers Endgame”, the marketing cleverly not specifing it’s just produced by Joe and Anthony Russo, and after watching it i realized why, the signals were fairly clear to begin with, and it’s not exactly a “con job”.

It’s just a ploy to get you to watch another cop thriller with a manhunt through the streets of Manhattan, or in these case, the titular 21 bridges (which isn’t actually correct, but whatever), closed in order to avoid the killers (guilty of killing many cops in a failed heist) escaping, but it has to be done all in one night, etc. etc. It’s not a bad setup, but it’s a fairly typical nonetheless, like the main character, the exemplary cop with an unbreakable sense of duty and justice, who finds his beliefs challenged as things get more complicated and he suspect of an internal conspiracy… not that you need that to explain corrupt cops, but whatever.

And it’s decent, even if you’ve already seen this kinda of plot and characterization many many times, with a great cast that’s a bit too good for these characters, not completely stereotypical ones, but – again – very typical. Direction by Brain Kirk (TV director on Boardwalk Empire, Penny Dreadful, GoT, etc. here at his movie debut) is decent-good, it’s fairly fast paced, doesn’t pull punchers, and there’s no tonal problems or unbalance in themes like the movie rooting a bit too much for the cops despite showing how blatanlty corrupt they can be, nothing like that.

If anything, the italian marketing will “dupe” people into seeing a perfectly decent – if fairly disposable – cop thriller drama.

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