Reptisaurus (2009) [REVIEW] | #giantmonstermarch

Cheap, direct to video shitfest from Fred Olen Ray, the final frontier for the franchise you’ve never heard about until this very moment…. or did you really?

If you’ve been lurking and watching all things monster movies from a good decade or more, you probably already know of Reptilicus from 1961, the only Danish movie monster that had the privilege of being remembered by film historians, and like some of the others “Godzilla inspired” films, managed to get a shlocky comic book series, one that eventually crossed with the one based on Gorgo, of all fucking things.

But since this is that kind of story, Reptilicus’ comic book only lasted two issues. TWO.

Then the publisher, Charlton Comics, waited for the copyright on the name to expire, redesigning the creature a bit and retitling it as “Reptisaurus”, which at least gave the series more issues and a special one-shot, and – as said before – got a cameo in an issue of the Gorgo comic book series, also published by Charlton Comics.

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Shark Week (2012) [REVIEW] | Jigshark

Shark Week 2012

Yeah, more shark movies from Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray, this one called simply Shark Week (like Discovery Channel’s popular series, because marketing), a title that cuts to the core but doesn’t really tell you what exactly you’re about to see (besides the fact it’s like 3 days, not a week, but i’m just being pedantic).

It’s basically a mixture of Saw and a shark movie, or the Asylum version of that. Continua a leggere “Shark Week (2012) [REVIEW] | Jigshark”

Mega Shark VS Kolossus (2014) [REVIEW] Attack On Titan Shark

In 2013, the first season of the Attack On Titan anime was launched, and effectively made the already successful manga series by Hajime Isayama (started in 2009 on Bessatsu Shonen Magazine) a worlwide phenomen, the anime/manga series that gets big and becomes a sensation even outside of the already invested cultural circles and subcultures, like Death Note did before, resulting in anime/nerd/geek cons flooded with dozens of cosplayers in the guise of the young soldiers and their desperate struggle at gigantomachia in a fantasy Western Europe, for some years to come until the next big series that people won’t shut up about for a time.

While this means bugger all for The Asylum, as they really don’t belong in the “animesphere”, they clearly noticed the popularity of Attack On Titan (or SnK, if you really care), and find an oblique way to chomp at the popularity crumbs of both the anime series, AND to double-dip on the far more popular love letter to mecha anime and kaiju movies, Pacific Rim, which they already “mockbustered” a year later with Atlantic Rim. To really make this the perfect matrioska of creative compromises, they decided to realize this marketing manouver in the shape of a new Mega Shark movie. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark VS Kolossus (2014) [REVIEW] Attack On Titan Shark”

Mega Shark VS Crocosaurus (2010) [REVIEW] | Now With Extra Bacon

Mega Shark VS Crocosaurus 2010

Mega Shark is back, because the first one was boring as shit, but it was cheap enough and turned out to be profitable, so here, have another one, this time pitting the MEGA Shark agains the dreaded Crocosaurus, which isn’t MEGA, and sounds more like an extra crispy fast food specialty item, or a ice sammich.

And when i say Mega Shark is “back”, i guess it is, it’s a shark, it’s way bigger than it should be, it can do impossible jumps, and i guess we can believe it’s the same one from Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus, there is a japanese poster for that movie to be seen, and there’s a photo of Debbie Gibson, who was in that movie. So yeah, it’s totally a sequel, despite the completely different cast and plot that doesn’t follow from the end of the previous movie… but since Jaleel White feels like it’s the same one from before, i’m inclined to trust him. Wouldn’t you? Continua a leggere “Mega Shark VS Crocosaurus (2010) [REVIEW] | Now With Extra Bacon”

3 Headed Shark Attack (2015) [REVIEW] | Triple Trejo

3 Headed Shark Attack 2015

3 years have passed, and with the help of Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray back to direct, the little shark grew another head, because why not, let’s make a series out of this wafer thin premise!

As you might imagine, this is not a sequel, it’s just another shark movie, but this time he has 3 heads instead of 2, we gotta escalate something, and the plot doesn’t revolve around improbable college summer seminar at sea. We have them bikini clad (and clad-less) ladies, young people partying, drinking, and being victims of shark interruptus, but it’s more an incidental, an inevitability of this kind of shlock. Continua a leggere “3 Headed Shark Attack (2015) [REVIEW] | Triple Trejo”

2 Headed Shark Attack (2012) [REVIEW] | Double Hit

2 Headed Shark Attack 2012

Title engineering is the heart of shlock, it was so in the 50s and it didn’t really change much, just got worse, in an oversaturated ocean that somehow finds lube for another pile of shark movies, and among the endless waves of those, there certainly was one called 2 Headed Shark Attack… and also called Monster Shark Attack, this movies can’t have just a single title, apparently.

You already know if you’re in by the tone you’re reading the title. Continua a leggere “2 Headed Shark Attack (2012) [REVIEW] | Double Hit”