Christmas Bloody Christmas (2022) [REVIEW] | Mecha Santa MK-II

Okay, just ONE christmas themed slasher to review under the tenenbaum.

It is Christmas’ Eve, after all.

Also, not one of the more obvious one, yet not an oldie, so that brings us to 2022’s Christmas Bloody Christmas, which is an apt if generic title, unrelated to the Silent Night, Deadly Night series (even though it started as a remake of that one, which did get a remake-reboot released earlier this month) or Black Christmas, the 2020 reboot which i was denied seeing by local distributors saying it was coming to theathers here too…. it never did in any widespread way.

We’ll do that next year, i’m really not feeling it this time around, nor dumpster diving for another shitty Krampus film that might or not be about the Krampus.

No thanks, i’ll stick to something more recent and normal, like this film about a defective robot santa malfunctioning on Christmas’ Eve and starting a killing spree.

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Cyber Lip (Arcade Archives Neo Geo) NSWITCHDDL | Insain In The Main Brain

Before SNK dedicated itself to make a LOT of fighting games (with a lot of classics, admittely), their output included also action platformers, and run n gun, even before hitting the jackpot with their beloved Metal Slug series, which i’m a really tempted to do a retrospective on… again, since clearly modern SNK it’s more interested in F2P titles that often reuse a lot of assets from the golden age of the series.

So to quench my thirst i searched my Arcade Archives library on the ol’ Switch for some similar Neo Geo run n gun goodness… and noticed i had but didn’t actually play Cyber Lip yet.

It’s referred to as a Metal Slug “clone”, which is incorrect but there’s some truth to it, since Metal Slug itself was fashioned after Contra, so it makes sense a SNK pre-Metal Slug game in that vein does play like Contra, down to the latching into poles on ceilings and stuff, with a boss being a shameless rip-off, but i guess its fine since Contra Shattered Soldier later had a “giant eyed boss” you fight by hanging on a pipe like the one you fight here.

Poetry, indeed.

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Robot Holocaust (1986) [REVIEW] | Nobody expects the… Robot Holocaust?

Since newer generations of shit movie seekers might not be familiar with this one, let’s cover one of the “classics” in terms of poverty filmaking, one that indeed rivals the many horrible trashy exploitations movies we italians pumped out for the international market during the 70s and 80s, to a legendary degree. If you didn’t know, you would be forgiven in believing this was just another italian production with the usual combination of american actors and italian shooting locations.

Robot Holocaust has certainly that kind of aura to it, even more when it goes for the double whammy of having a sci fi story mixed the sword and sorcery bullshit… minus actual magic.

And i gotta say, upon revisiting it its still an impressive piece of legendary so bad its good shit, a relic from a past filled with movies like these that were so bad and poor in everything they ended up being accidentally funny, hilarious while being so bad it borders on being utright unwatchable shit.

For many of you, this isn’t anything new, at all, as the movie it’s pretty well known among older generations of crap cinema conosseurs, it’s “basic knowledge”, but Robot Holocaust deserves its place in bad movie history, and its legend it’s worth retelling over and over, even if it doesn’t involve Andre The Giant.

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[EXPRESSO] The Creator (2023) | We Are The Robots

Somehow managed to see this one in theathers, despite its last minute marketing that made it feel like it kinda came out of nowhere, odd for a mid-to-high budget sci-fi epic from director Gareth Edwards (Monsters, Godzilla 2014, Rogue One).

Though i can see why as the trailer, the first way most people likely even learnt of this movie existing, literally tells you the first big reveal, which doesn’t really make this look or sound particularly original or impressive, a sentiment that’s ultimately correct but it’s not entirely “fair”.

The plot of The Creator deals with a future where humans and “IA humans” coexist in peace, until a nuke goes off, starting a war between the US based NOMAD military and the robots. An ex-NOMAD agent tasked to retrieve the superweapon developed from the “IA front”, only to find that the “weapon” is actually an IA/robot child.

There’s clearly ambition and scope, but for something that sets out to be a big budget sci-fi that wants to bring something new to familiar themes and subjects…. it doesn’t really manage that, comes close but ultimately will just remind you of other sci-fi movies that it takes inspiration from, especially Children Of Men via District 9 with a Vietnam movie style narrative.

Especially as it doesn’t really invent anything than hasn’t been done before (and better) with its themes and concepts, there are some clever ideas but don’t amount to much of real substance, not helped by somewhat uninteristing characters and repetitive action.

It’s still a decent watch, the acting is solid, direction is good and this is NOT an uninspired film, but it’s such a case where its various elements never fully come together as they could and it never really lives up to its own ambition, despite obvious genuine effort.