Megalodon/Sharkzilla (2002) [REVIEW] | Karcharíasdontas

Megalodon AKA Sharkzilla 2002.png

Time for more confusing re-titling of shark movies, as there’s a tv movie from 2012 actually called Sharkzilla, but the old 2002 Megalodon (yeah, originality isn’t this subgenre forte, as there’s yet another movie called “Megalodon” that was released in 2018) was released on DVD in the UK as Sharkzilla, de facto just putting a lick of paint over a + 10 years old movie to fool people into thinking it’s a crappy new release.

Lovely confusion-based marketing, par for the course for this strain of shark shit, so much than in Germany was sold as “Jurassic Shark 3” (there no Jurassic Shark 2, and i thank the heavens for it)! Then again, i paid it less than 5 bucks, total, so… Continua a leggere “Megalodon/Sharkzilla (2002) [REVIEW] | Karcharíasdontas”

Open Water (2003) [REVIEW] | Fear Of The Shark

Open Water 2003.png

Didn’t plan to review this, but suddendly i saw “this film will be unavailable the 31 of august”. Thanks, Amazon Prime Video, wanna remove first some garbage that probably isn’t even really licensed so much as “uploaded” by random persons? No? Thank you.

So anyway, Open Water, the first one of the not-series, as there are two more, but there’s no story continuity, and the second one often isn’t even titled as a sequel, which is fairly common for these realm of horror thriller about killer animals… or killer anything, to be even more honest, and pretty any distribution company “has” to have it’s own shark series with movies that just add numbers at the end of titles and share the same overall concept or premise.This is Lionsgate’s. Continua a leggere “Open Water (2003) [REVIEW] | Fear Of The Shark”

Dangerous Waters: Shark Attack/Spring Break Shark Attack (2005) [REVIEW] Teen Sharks, GO?

Dangerous Waters Shark Attack AKA Spring Break Shark Attack 2005.png — **Yeah, not a clear edit. Good lord, at least have matching fonts.**

This is actually Spring Break Shark Attack, but sold on home video as Dangerous Water Shark Attack, like in the UK DVD version, which also sports a cover trying to imply a more grim tone to the titular shark attack, totally trojan horsing to the shark movie aficionados a movie with such a generic name, making them think this is The Reef.

Really, even Jersey Shore Shark Attack had more to it, even if it was due to mixing together (and unofficially) two different – yet perfectly compatibile – flavours of trash, this is exactly what it says on the tin, and one that must have required very little brainstorming. Shark movie. Spring break. Teens played by “not quite teen” actors. Bikinis. Send tweet. Send script. Print. Beautiful. Continua a leggere “Dangerous Waters: Shark Attack/Spring Break Shark Attack (2005) [REVIEW] Teen Sharks, GO?”

Mega Shark in Malibu/Malibu Shark Attack (2009) [REVIEW] | Goblin Jaws

Mega Shark in Malibu AKA Malibu Shark Attack 2009.png

Like it’s so often the case, i got this one on DVD for cheap, and the UK DVD release tries to fool you into thinking that’s related to (or part of) the Mega Shark series by The Asylum, even putting “the legend returns…” in the box art.

It’s actually not, it’s just a random shark movie called Malibu Shark Attack, that also just happens to have been released in 2009 like the first Mega Shark movie, Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus, but by this logic, Black Dynamite and Dragon Ball Evolution also belong in the Dinocroc shared universe. This is actually part of the Maneater series, though calling it series it’s a stretch, they are cheap horror films produced by RHI Entertaiment for SYFY (usually debutting there and then going to video), yes, but they don’t even stick to the theme of “natural horror” anymore. Not that it really matters.

Doesn’t help that this release still keeps the alternative DVD title of “Mega Shark Of The Malibu” in the movie itself, but it wouldn’t be a genre film without at least 2 or 3 alternate titles, i guess. It’s one of the unwritten laws of b movies and such. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark in Malibu/Malibu Shark Attack (2009) [REVIEW] | Goblin Jaws”

Mississippi River Sharks (2017) [REVIEW] | Senior Rodeo Daredevils

Mississippi River Sharks 2017.png

I’ve finally found a version with the original english voices (and in hindi, again), so time to review this one as well!

And it’s quite the shark dropping we have, because 1 minute in you’ve already seen the best part, it’s not even from the actual movie, it’s a clip from a fake in-movie shark series called Shark Bite, and this ties into the actual plot of the movie, with sharks attacking river boats in Mississippi and then disrupting a fish rodeo (possibly held by ol’ Jim Slater ) presented by the main lead of the fake Shark Bite movie series.

Continua a leggere “Mississippi River Sharks (2017) [REVIEW] | Senior Rodeo Daredevils”

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002) [REVIEW] | Meme Sharks

Shark Attack 3 Megalodon 2002.png

Yeah, reviewing the previous Shark Attack movies was just a formality of sorts, more for completition’s sake and to have an excuse to watch them.

This is the Shark Attack movie you knew and (apparently) loved, and it doesn’t need presentation for many internet denizens of a certain age, since it spawned some really legendary, popular memes on an internet where “meme” wasn’t a common term at all, and had clips do the rounds of forums and boards. Continua a leggere “Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002) [REVIEW] | Meme Sharks”

Shark Attack 2 (2000) [REVIEW] | Cape Town Sharks, GO!

Shark Attack 2 2000

While the first Shark Attack wasn’t exactly a prestigious production, at least it was deemed worthy to be released as a TV movie.

With the “sequel” they didn’t even bother to try and sell it to SYFY, and released it directly to home video, which is already a flag of sorts, but then again, the first one was quite bad and widely panned, so nobody was expecting Shark Attack 2 to carry the sins of the father and redeem the franchise on the Golgotha. Continua a leggere “Shark Attack 2 (2000) [REVIEW] | Cape Town Sharks, GO!”

Swamp Shark/Killer Shark (2011) [REVIEW] Bayou Boyah

Swamp Shark AKA Killer Shark 2011

Since i couldn’t find a copy of Mississippi River Sharks NOT dubbed in hindi (not offense, but i don’t understand a lick of it), i’m doing this one.

Never heard of it before, just randomly happened upon it while browsing Amazon Prime Video, under one of its alternative titles, the imaginative “Killer Shark”.
Compared to the choking hazard sharks, i guess. Continua a leggere “Swamp Shark/Killer Shark (2011) [REVIEW] Bayou Boyah”

Summer Shark Attack/Ozark Sharks (2016) [REVIEW] | Fireworks Sharks

Ozark Sharks AKA Summer Shark Attack 2016

We’ll do Mississippi Shark Attack later (maybe), first we have to deal with sharks in the Ozarks region, because as we know damn well by now, the lack of oceans or seas won’t stop sharks (especially TV movies’ sharks) from appearing, as Dolph Lungren and Mackenzie Rosman (just to name a couple of random names) are well aware.

Also know as Summer Shark Attack, let’s be as specific as possible, it’s not like 99 % of these movies take place in the summer or in sunny places anyway. Then again, there are winter shark attack movies (more than they should), so the need to specify in what season it takes place is not completely useless. Continua a leggere “Summer Shark Attack/Ozark Sharks (2016) [REVIEW] | Fireworks Sharks”

Cruel Jaws (1995) [REVIEW] | Editing Sharks

Cruel Jaws 1995

How could i do a shark movie extravaganza without covering one of the most notorious pieces of “sharkxploitation”, especially if it comes from the motherland?

Italian exploitation cinema had always been very quick at tapping into trends (even inventing one, with the cannibal craze), but even without waiting for a resurgence of the shark movie (Jaws was released 20 years before, remember), many genre directors were quite happy to pump out monster movies like this regardless. And of course Bruno Mattei (credited as “William Snyder” here) wasn’t one to back down from anything. Continua a leggere “Cruel Jaws (1995) [REVIEW] | Editing Sharks”