Categoria: monster movies

2 Lava 2 Lantula (2016) [REVIEW] | Superfastula

2 Lava 2 Lantula 2016

Oh yeah, baby, because parodying the Fast N Furios titling stylization is still kewl.

But it fits, given the tongue-in-cheek tone of the first Lavalantula (still think it should have been Lavantula, but whatever), which was a decent, enjoyable B-movie about lava spiders from director Mike Mendez (Big Ass Spider, the “Friday the 31st” segment in Tales Of Halloween), a genuine one that actually sets out to be fun and not just in the “let’s make as bad as possible on purpose” trend. Continua a leggere “2 Lava 2 Lantula (2016) [REVIEW] | Superfastula”

Lavalantula (2015) [REVIEW] | Can’t Stop The Dante

Lavalantula 2015

Oh yes, because every bad hand of Scrabble has the chance of becoming a SyFy Original, but only few chosen puns can become a Sharknado spin-off, featuring even Ian Ziering as as a “seal of approval” of sorts. And Phantom from Devil May Cry (along with its many sons) needed a new gig anyway. Continua a leggere “Lavalantula (2015) [REVIEW] | Can’t Stop The Dante”

Monster Island (2019) [REVIEW] | Some Monsters Mild Aggression Tantrum

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Cards on the table: it’s an Asylum production, and is both directed and written by Mark Atkins, who brought us Sand Sharks, Planet Of The Sharks, 6 Headed Shark Attack, and Knight Of The Dead, just to lay off the sharks (poor things).

The UK DVD cover art is actually decent, and promises a mindless monster melee between giant squid, werewolf thingies, reptilian monstrousities and one that seems like an Orga rip-off… I love these covers, i do, but often than not they end up being better than the movies themselves, when we talk mockbuster and D-movies powerhouses as Asylum, and like the bottom feeders they are, this time they released Monster Island to steal the breadcrumbs of Godzilla II: King Of The Monsters, which came out on the 30th of May 2019 in US theathers, and this one on the 1st of June, 2 days later. Continua a leggere “Monster Island (2019) [REVIEW] | Some Monsters Mild Aggression Tantrum”

Earth Defense Force: Iron Rain PS4 [REVIEW] | Mechas and Motherships

Earth Defense Force Iron Rain PS4.jpg

Once in a blue moon, D3 Publisher decides to entrust a niche series like Earth Defense Force to a different developer, instead of Sandlot, who curates the main numbered series (which itself tells you that it’s niche, but not THAT niche) since the very beginning and still do nowadays.

Last time Vicious Cycle Software developed EDF Insect Armageddon (which isn’t as bad as most EDF fans make it to be), a spin-off made with the intent to try and appeal to a broader audience, by basically posing the question “what if Americans made EDF?”. The answer being a decent game that didn’t convince many estabilished fans, but did help on making the series more known. An actual ending (the plot just stops at the end) would have been welcomed, though. Continua a leggere “Earth Defense Force: Iron Rain PS4 [REVIEW] | Mechas and Motherships”

[EXPRESSO] Coffee Crisis NSWDDL | Bronco Blend

Coffee Crisis NSWDDL

I’m doing an Expresso review of this one because it doesn’t deserve a full review.

Coffee Crisis is retro brawler/beat em up inspired by 16-bit classics, as so proudly says in the marketing and description, and sports all the mandatory “indie quirks”, from mediodre-decent pixel graphics, a throwaway story so we can weaponize it as “joke” despite being a lazy and unfunny mish mash of overdone references and cringey exchanges regardless, so bad the writers should tar themselves, but clearly no one is vaguely ashamed.

I mean, we have to shoehorne appearences from Youtubers AlphaOmegaSin and MetalJesusRock (and somehow the legendary band Nile), need something to bait Twitch viewers in, clearly the plot about baristas fighting aliens that want to steal our heavy metal isn’t enough random “for the lulz” by itself.
Thankfully you can skip dialogues by pressing B.

Gameplay wise, it’s so faithful to its ispirations it’s downright obtuse, a prime example of not understanding the very genre you’re trying to serenade, not evolving or improving the combat system, and even badly aping them, with finnicky hit detection making most of the extra weapon useless, blows that don’t stop enemies so they power through your attacks, when they don’t snipe you with projectiles from outside the screen. Most of the difficulty is obtained via cheap bullshit, and it’s unbalanced as well, with boss fights that are usually piss easy and just annoying.

Its main selling point, the random modifiers, are such a liability the game improves when you deactivate them. Sadly you can’t turn off or ignore the password system as the sole mean to continue, and the game also quickly outstay its welcome, continuing on and on instead of ending.

At least the music is decent-good… but 30 years later, Bad Dudes it’s a way better game.

Still.

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Earth Defense Force 5 [PS4] REVIEW | Frogs From Planet Space

Earth Defense Force 5 PS4.jpg

Moments of crisis are what unites us, especially in exterminating space bees and shouting “ EDF ! EDF! EDF! EDF! EDF!” from the safety of our own homes and away from something worse than bouncing giant spiders and ETs with laser guns!

Time to review Earth Defence Force 5, the latest in the main EDF series! Continua a leggere “Earth Defense Force 5 [PS4] REVIEW | Frogs From Planet Space”

[EXPRESSO] Underwater (2020) |Ocean Walk In The Dark

Underwater 2020 poster.jpg

“It’s like Aliens, but”… you probably have heard these words more times than you wish, and i remember a similar situation some years ago, when the sci-fi horror thriller Life (starring Jack Gyllenhaal) came out, a good movie, but also one that fully deserved that comparison for actually having a similar plot focused on a crew trying to survive a killer alien lifeform in space.

Viceversa, i understand why many made this comparison again for William Eubank’s new movie, Underwater, because despite the completely opposite setting, it fits the typical sci-fi horror- thriller formula like a glove, and you can effectively swap out “deep space” for “ocean’s abyssus abyssum” without having to change pretty much anything.

The plot sees a deep-sea mining facility being unexpectedly torn apart by an unknown force, with the few survivors in the structure uniting in order to find a way to another outpost, in the hope of finding escape pods before the main drill’s nuclear core erupts, but as they venture into the depths, they also find horrible and vicious creatures lying in wait and quite ready to pick them off, if faulty equipment and the dangerous living conditions didn’t already…

The director of The Signal (the one from 2014 with Lawrence Fishburne, not the other one) here didn’t feel like reinventing anything or playing around with the genre, but then again it becomes pretty clear the intention was just to make a fun sci-fi horror thriller (not that advertising was deceptive, quite the contrary), one i’m glad it’s set underwater instead of space after all.

And on this regard, the movie delivers, with good cinematography, decent atmosphere, good creature design, decent characters, and a satysfing finale. Story is sadly derivative as it gets, but despite this, i’d quite entertaining, and worth a watch.

 

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The Island Of Giant Insects MOVIE (2020) [REVIEW] Shlock Stock Drop

The Island Of Giant Insects MOVIE 2020

In case you haven’t seen my review of the OVA, yeah, i found out after writing the review that the OVA was just an edited down version of the movie, also called The Island Of Giant Insects, so in retrospect it’s no wonder that was such a choppy mess, one that was made just for marketing purposes, and now is a completely pointless product.

For sake of completition, i feel compelled to witness myself – in full this time – the horrors in The Island Of Giant Insects. Continua a leggere “The Island Of Giant Insects MOVIE (2020) [REVIEW] Shlock Stock Drop”

Shark Shock (2017) [REVIEW]| Rednecks VS Electro Shark

Shark Shock 2017 dvd poster.jpg

Sans Peter Gabriel. Sadly.

It’s worth noting right away that you might already have seen this, it’s Trailer Park Shark, retitled as Shark Shock for the UK DVD release i bought. I would lament about the dvd cover (shown above) being false adverting, but there are jet skis and trailers in the movie, water though is far from crystaline since it takes place (and is filmed) in Lousiana, with waters as murky and brown as you can get. Continua a leggere “Shark Shock (2017) [REVIEW]| Rednecks VS Electro Shark”