So, yeah, what happens when you mix Jaws, Waterworld and Mad Max?
You get slapped in the face by a producer, then the Asylum decides that’s gonna produce this one as well, because why not one more shark movie at this point? I mean, with the director of Sand Sharks, Android Cop and The Terminators (yes, plural) at the helm, what could go wrong? Continua a leggere “Planet Of The Sharks (2016) [REVIEW] | Unchrome Shark”
Yeah, more shark movies from Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray, this one called simply Shark Week (like Discovery Channel’s popular series, because marketing), a title that cuts to the core but doesn’t really tell you what exactly you’re about to see (besides the fact it’s like 3 days, not a week, but i’m just being pedantic).
It’s basically a mixture of Saw and a shark movie, or the Asylum version of that. Continua a leggere “Shark Week (2012) [REVIEW] | Jigshark”
How you do follow up on a movie that actually had a proper ending, without any open subplots left by the end or random sequel bait? The right answer is “you don’t”, but i guess Warner Bros needed to milk some of his forgotten properties, so here we are.
There’s no other reason to make a Deep Blue Sea sequel 19 years apart from the first one, and i don’t know how it worked, since it’s released directly to home video without anyone either caring or knowing this even existed. I had to buy an UK dvd copy, since i guess not even Netflix or Amazon Video cared to have it streaming in my region.
And when i say “sequel”, i mean… that, usually, but this is a perfect, by-the-book academic example of “sequel in name only”, if we ever needed another one to prove any kind of point anymore. Continua a leggere “Deep Blue Sea 2 (2018) [REVIEW] | Sealab 2018”
So, yeah, for a change let’s watch a shark movie made in a pre-Sharkenado era, but also after everyone and her grandma was making Jaws rip-offs (like the italian Great White and Cruel Jaws), a shark flick that actually looks like a movie and not a college graduate attempt at a movie during a boring summer holidays, or an attempt to sell your shit movie as ironic “so bad it’s good” material.
Given the kind of shark movie i end up watching and reviewing here, i’m surprised by many things in Deep Blu Sea, as production values, company logo you don’t have to google, a cast with recognizable actors, cinematography that doesn’t remind of Weasels Rip My Flesh, set designs classifiable as such, special effects made with budget and expertise, i’m really feeling spoiled by this one! And a bit sad because of how the bar got embarassingly lower and lower for shark movies in time. Continua a leggere “Deep Blue Sea (1999) [REVIEW] | Shark Brainiacs”
In 2013, the first season of the Attack On Titan anime was launched, and effectively made the already successful manga series by Hajime Isayama (started in 2009 on Bessatsu Shonen Magazine) a worlwide phenomen, the anime/manga series that gets big and becomes a sensation even outside of the already invested cultural circles and subcultures, like Death Note did before, resulting in anime/nerd/geek cons flooded with dozens of cosplayers in the guise of the young soldiers and their desperate struggle at gigantomachia in a fantasy Western Europe, for some years to come until the next big series that people won’t shut up about for a time.
While this means bugger all for The Asylum, as they really don’t belong in the “animesphere”, they clearly noticed the popularity of Attack On Titan (or SnK, if you really care), and find an oblique way to chomp at the popularity crumbs of both the anime series, AND to double-dip on the far more popular love letter to mecha anime and kaiju movies, Pacific Rim, which they already “mockbustered” a year later with Atlantic Rim. To really make this the perfect matrioska of creative compromises, they decided to realize this marketing manouver in the shape of a new Mega Shark movie. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark VS Kolossus (2014) [REVIEW] Attack On Titan Shark”
Of course this doesn’t follow from the last movie, not even the post credits scene implying a kaiju encounter next time… but it wasn’t completely off, because now we have the main monster facing against a robot version of itself, made a classic trope by Godzilla Vs Mecha Godzilla decades ago.
Kinda surprised it took until the third movie in the series for this direction, honestly, but i guess third time is the charm, and very welcome given the series quality so far. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark VS Mecha Shark (2012) [REVIEW] | Fins Of Steel”
Mega Shark is back, because the first one was boring as shit, but it was cheap enough and turned out to be profitable, so here, have another one, this time pitting the MEGA Shark agains the dreaded Crocosaurus, which isn’t MEGA, and sounds more like an extra crispy fast food specialty item, or a ice sammich.
And when i say Mega Shark is “back”, i guess it is, it’s a shark, it’s way bigger than it should be, it can do impossible jumps, and i guess we can believe it’s the same one from Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus, there is a japanese poster for that movie to be seen, and there’s a photo of Debbie Gibson, who was in that movie. So yeah, it’s totally a sequel, despite the completely different cast and plot that doesn’t follow from the end of the previous movie… but since Jaleel White feels like it’s the same one from before, i’m inclined to trust him. Wouldn’t you? Continua a leggere “Mega Shark VS Crocosaurus (2010) [REVIEW] | Now With Extra Bacon”
It’s 2019, Sharkenado won’t be a thing for 4 more years, but of course The Asylum existed before that series became the face of the mockbuster titan, and made other monster flicks with “Mega” in the name, like Mega Piranha or Mega Python Vs Gatoroid (there’s no Mega Python, not by The Asylum anyway), both never culminating in their own series. Some very small mercies, but i’ll take them.
One of the “MEGA” non-brand movies to prove more successful was Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus, because sharks are more popular, at the end of the day. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus (2009) [REVIEW] Romancing The Shark”
Welcome to the confusingly titled (at this point i think on purpose) 4th entry in the “n-Headed Shark Attack” series. By this time even the Leprechaun series went to space (and to Las Vegas), but nope, this entry makes the multi-headed shark crash a couples rehab camp. No, not in an Octodad style, with the shark in a suit preteding to be human. I would have liked the effort, if anything.
Instead here the shark just has 6 heads, and it goes after a group of people attending one of those “phones away, and far from civilization” camps, to mend relationships, done in a co-op survival challenge way, in this case in Isla Corazon. I’d wish people that make synopsis of these movies on IMDB actually watched these movies, but whatever. Continua a leggere “6 Headed Shark Attack (2018) [REVIEW] | Math Sharks”
Your assumption is correct, there is no 4-Headed Shark Attack, you’d think they skipped to 5 just to confuse people watching this junk, since this is the third movie in the “X-Headed Shark Attack” series, not the fourth. … but believe it or not there’s a reason for it. Kinda, as they basically already did the “4-headed shark” at the end of the previous one, in a mathematical sense.
Does it mattes? Of course no. You know it doesn’t, even if you did remember how the previous one ended. And in that case you’d ask why not skip directly to 6-Headed Shark Attack, but patience, we’ll get to that. Yes, there is a reason. Kinda. Continua a leggere “5 Headed Shark Attack (2017) [REVIEW] | Skipper Sharks”
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