[EXPRESSO] Primate (2025) | Not part of the “DK Crew”

From director Johannes Roberts (47 Meters Down, The Strangers: Prey At Night, Resident Evil: Welcome To Raccoon City), we have a new entry in the now sparsely visited “killer ape” fringe of natural horror, simply called Primate.

The story is to the point as the title itself, since we have a familiarized chimpanzee, Ben, whom was nurtured and cared for, has been tought words and has become a family member, being bitten by a mongoose carring rabies, then contracting the virus and becoming violent, just when one of the sisters comes back to their family home in Hawaii, bringing some friends along…

So the sisters and her friends found themselves trapped with the rabid animal, and basically confined to the house’s infinity style pool, as Ben is afraid of water.

You’ve seen killer animals films before, you’ve seen killer ape films before, so there’s not really much to explain or discuss, as while Roberts still manages to make likeable enough characters, this is not a movie much about those; beside the two sisters’ bond, everyone (some more than others) are pretty much future “dead meat”, if you will.

It’s mostly about the body count and gore, which is pretty good and especially “crunchy” since it’s all done via quite practical effects.

Again, it is familiar territory, akin to a monkey version of Roberts’ shark films (or a Cujo remake, basically), it’s simple, but there’s nothing wrong with semplicity when it’s done right, and here is done very right. It’s a very well executed familiar formula that makes the best out of its few character and single location, but also knows it’s often for the better to keep these films short, clocking slightly under 90 minutes.

Honestly i don’t know what else you might want from a good killer ape film.

Platformation Time Again #4: Pac Man World/Pac Man World Re-Pac PS1 | PS4 | GBA

HISTORY

Pac Man needs no presentation, so ingrained as an icon of videogames from their golden era of the arcade machines, that even your grandma knows what it is.

But the 80s were far gone even back when Pac Man World released in late 1999 for the original Playstation, and Namco Bandai was struggling to find how to reinveint his legacy franchises or make new successful ones in the wake of the financial recession in Japan at the time.

Pac Man World was made specifically to celebrate the series’ 20^th Anniversary, and Namco (not yet Namco Bandai) figured to play it fairly safe: 3D platformers were on the rise and “all the rage”, everyone with some cash to spare was throwing mascotte characters at the wall to see what would stick or syphoon some of the leftover bread from the success of Mario and Sonic, heck even Bubsy tried this new fangled substance known as 3D by injecting it between its bobcat toes.

So why the fuck not, since Namco did have a popular mascote character already, one that was iconic and synomous with videogames and not a pantless cat with a shirt, the formula had already had its success stories so there was a blueprint and a track record to try emulate, Pac-Man was becoming old enough to drink in most countries, so fuck it, we’re going platforming in tridimensional fashion… and it was a success.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] Strange Darling (2023) | Psycho Killer

Heard of this one but eventually forgot as it only showed up now in theathers here, Strange Darling is the kind of movie that has most reviews for it trying to tell you as less as they can about the movie and instead encourage you just go see it knowing as little as you can about it, because it’s impossible not to spoil the experience by going into any real detail about its contents.

… and it’s indeed that kind of film, it is, so the basic gist is that there’s a cat-and-mouse chase going on between a serial killer and its chosen victim, with the narrative presenting itself in deliberate chronological disorder.

After it tells you it was shot entirely on 35 mm film, which is great but barely will matter on most modern digital screens, but yep, it’s a psychological thriller loosely based on a real life series of murders, as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre style narration tells us about in the beginning.

I wish director Jt Mollner did away with “labeling” and just trusted the audience a bit more (though it’s increasingly harder to do so), especially as it’s tied directly to the film’s main method of subverting linear storytelling and the expectations that come with it, here used to tackle themes such as misoginy, sexual kinks, consent, genre prejudices, and so on.

Honestly while it’s kinda disappointing since it’s hard to tell if the movie isn’t engaging the questions it raises because there are no easy answers…. or because it doesn’t want to, i’m still more miffed about the aforementioned “chickening out at your own vision”

Even so, after the revelations come about, the movie it’s still quite intense, graphic and acting is excellent, so, if not perfect, it’s still quite the good ride, worth watching.

[EXPRESSO] The Strangers – Chapter 1 (2024) | Paint A Vulgar Picture

In case you didn’t know, after 2018’s The Strangers: Prey At Night, someone decided the way forward for the series… was a remake-reboot trilogy.

It doesn’t sound like a good idea, and as far as Chapter 1 (this film) is concerned, it isn’t.

I’m not being hyperbolic when i say this is one of the more pointless, useless remakes/reboots i’ve ever seen, this is up there with Brahms -The Boy II in terms of shitting on your previous films and undoing any goodwill, while delivering a very crap film in itself.

In terms of plot, this is a remake of 2008’s The Strangers, with a couple that are passing the night in an isolated cabin in the woods, when their residence gets invaded by a trio of masked murderer.

There’s no original or interesting twist, or anything that drastically deviates from or adds to the first film, and while i’d rightfully complain about this remake just adding laughably cliched fluff

, originality is the last of the The Strangers Chapter 1′ problems, which can be honestly summed up as this being a notably, drastically inferior version of the 2008 movie in EVERY single aspect.

I do mean it when i say that just about everything that worked in the original The Strangers here plainly doesn’t.

Plus, since it’s also the first chapter of a trilogy…there’s no real ending this time, as someone gotta survive the killers for the other two movies to happen. I guess.

It’s not even that boring, all things considered, but it’s still so shitty, creatively bankrupt, fundamentally pointless and stupid it’s infuriating, an utter cash grab and a complete waste of time, even at 90 minutes.

It’s gonna be VERY, VERY hard for The Strangers Chapter 2 and 3 (coming both next year) to be worse.