[EXPRESSO] Locked (2025) | Small Theft Auto

Locked has a simple, yet fairly intriguing hook: a small time thief desperate for cash one day finds a strangely unlocked high-tech smartcar (like a Tesla that doesn’t randomly burst into fire) to loot it, but once in he then realizes he’s locked into the vehicle, and gets contacted by the owner, whom remotely controls everything in the car, making it act as a trap for whoever tried to steal it.

The guy then has to survive locked inside, while the unseen owner keeps torturing him, playing mind games and keeping the complex trap scenario of his own design going…

Sadly for Locked, this is the kind of script with a decent-good idea/concept…. but ultimately doesn’t really know what to do with it outside of slightly escalating the tortures, and boiling the explanation for this cruel trap to basically the same “eat the rich” surface level class warfare bit A24 movies have done to death recently, just done in a more utilitarian and even more shallow fashion, with the car owner (Anthony Hopkins) also written as being completely callous, a straight up empathy-free psycho, for better or worse.

It’s also not tense enough to make you question for real if escape is even possible to begin with, which is an issue (as is the unsatisfying ending) but i will say it’s not boring, even though it’s a film carried entirely by Bill Skarksgard’s performance as the low tier criminal that is forced by circumstance to thieve and such in order to care for his family, and if Hopkins kinda phones it in (literally for most of the film), he seems to be having fun with such a stock Jigsaw wannabe, which does help.

Overall, Locked feels middling, not bad but makes one wonder for the movie that could have been.

P.S.: This also is another foreign remake of a 2019 Argentinian movie called 4X4 (which has now has been remade thrice), itself having a similar premise to a 1998 direct-to-video film named Captured.

[EXPRESSO] Weapons (2025) | It Won’t Attract The Worm

From Zach Cregger, the director of Barbarian….. which i didn’t saw (yeah, i know), so keep that in mind cause i was able to see this as it actually got a theatherical release here.

Regardless, i was captivated by the marketing for Weapons, as it was just first teased with a trailer of children running from their houses at night and a message asking if you saw where they went, and even the proper trailer later out did the now rare thing of actually intriguing prospective audiences instead of giving away the entire thing.

The movie chronicles the mysterious disappearing of an entire class of middle schoolers in a quaint american town, with the children all seemingly simply darting out of their houses at a precise hour of the night, running away somewhere in the dark and never been seen after that, with the police unable to find them despite questioning the only child in that class that didn’t disappear, and their teacher, whom the townfolks start blaming for the whole ordeal.

We see the mystery slowly unfold as we see their point of view and personal experiences of the events that follow, eventually coming together to give a complete picture of what was actually going… which i will not spoil, but it’s pretty creepy stuff.

Even before that, the mystery is quite compelling, you do wanna see where this is gonna go, and it’s most likely not what you imagine, it’s far from obvious, i’ll say that much, maybe a bit old fashioned, but still quite captivating, i for one also didn’t expect to basically turn into sort of an arthouse Beware Children At Play for a bit (even if it not really that either), pretty wild and with some nasty gore.

Definitely an interesting one, quite good stuff,

[EXPRESSO] Bring Her Back (2025) | Erlic’s Foster House

After the surprise high quality debut of Talk To Me, Michael and Danny Philippou are back with a new supernatural horror film, Bring Her Back.

The plot sees two orphaned step-siblings, Andy and Piper (whom has partial sight) being sent to live with Laura, a former counselor and psychologist that also foster a mute young boy, Oliver, after finding their father dead in the shower.

They are welcomed warmly by Laura (whom also has lost her daughter Cathy years ago) but Andy realizes that’s there something strange going on, as they are part of an occult ritual held by Laura, with the intent of “bringing back” Cathy from the dead, at all costs…

the brothers Philippou again play with what on paper sound like not that great or original, but it’s actually quite gripping, given the rules of the ritual itself (which gets even more disgusting and evil as we learn more of it), some really nasty and disgusting gore, and an incredible villain in Laura, whom is able to undermine the siblings relationship, manipulate them and do any ruthless shit in order to fulfill her desperate bout to see her daughter again, putting up a perfect facade while also being somewhat sympathetic in her plight.

The siblings also are relatable and believable characters, haunted by an ambivalent father figure, unresolved traumas and various issues (both physical and psychological) from their past , feeding the emotional core of the film themes but also being a source of some needed comedic relief here and there, and while some reveals are expected, some element are more original in their execution than what they lead on, plus the relentless pacing also feeds the increasingly disgusting nature of the ritual.

Good stuff, can’t wait to see what the Philippous will be cooking up next.

[EXPRESSO] Presence (2024) | Guest Ghost

While this is another of those movies that’s better enjoyed/experienced by just going in cold, it’s not exactly for the usual reasons, but i will try to spoil as less as i can.

Even though it’s frustrating because the basic premise of Presence really isn’t exciting in itself: a family moves into a new house, especially to help the daughter, Cleo, having her life shook by a tragic event before, and to start things over, hopefully for the better.

Cleo soon starts noticing something wrong with her room and nobody believes her… until some events make it clear as day to the entire family there’s something supernatural going on in the house, causing further tensions and panic in the already fractured family, as Cleo believes is her dead friend haunting the place, for reasons unknown…

It sounds a lot more generic than it actually is, but aside from some gimmicky yet effective stylistical choices, it’s actually kinda original, as in, this isn’t a blood or jumpscare laden “haunted house attraction” at the fair, and it’s refreshing as in it’s an actual ghost story, and not the by now overdone “allegorical parenthood trauma ride” most of these modern horror thrillers try to be (with varying degrees of success), the family drama is there, its quite good, the acting is quite good as well and so are the characters, and later their drama does become important to understand this really quiet “haunting” purpose as the plot unfolds and pieces come together for a tense and tragic finale.

It’s a slow burner supernatural horror-thriller but it’s also devoid of any excess fat, being short but intense, emotional and quite engaging, using well its single-location structure, even if by the end it becomes a bit predictable, though the execution makes up for it.

Recommended.

Shark Warning (2024) [REVIEW] | #sharkapalooza

Due to rescheduling issues i noticed Sharkapalooza was one movie short, so i figured i’d review one of my recent “sight unseen and cheap” DVD pickups, Shark Warning, from last year….

…..and it’s an Asylum joint.

I literally paused my Donkey Kong Bananza game to see this, no that i expected this movie to be good.

The odds were never on my favour, i guess this one of their generic shark films since there was no big budget shark film released that year… was it? I mean, we got Under Paris via Netflix, but this is not a mockbuster of that, and some other shark movies (like No Way Up) but nothing big budget or cinema bound for the Asylum to try make some cents out of its reflected glory.

Doesn’t matter anyway, so what kind of shark movie are we getting?

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] I Play Mother (2024) | Children of The Don’t

So, what’s this, a shitty Goodnight Mommy knockoff but supernatural?

I kinda wish it was, in hindsight, but to be fair the premise is not necessarily bad: a couple that had be waiting to hear from social services receaves the call and they adopt two young kids after their mother killed herself.

The wife, Michelle, goes off to work and the husband, Cyrus, decides to be a stay-at-home dad and try to make the kids feel at home again, to feel safe, to overcome their trauma, despite his efforts seemingly going nowhere initially, and taking its toll on the husband even more as he believes there’s something wrong with them or something from their past coming back….

Fairly standard for a modern horror about parenthood, but the prospective of the father is something a bit different and it being mixed with the “evil kids” trope could make for something quite nice, but in spite of the decent acting and some nice ideas, it is pretty superficial when tackling its own maint themes, using horror cliches as desperate clutches, giving the feel the movie seemingly doesn’t know what to do with itself at times, and yet doesn’t give you any space to doubt if it’s just Cyrus having allucinations.

It wouldn’t even be that bad of a movie, even if a frustrating one that has an idea with some legs but it gets cold feet when it realizes it tried to bit off more than it could chew…until the ending.

That really ticked me off, to put it nicely, a “bad end” just for the sake of it if ever saw one, and one that undermines or undoes all the very predicaments the movie its built on trying to convey, coming off as… stupid, honestly, there because “its a horror movie”.

[EXPRESSO] 28 Years Later (2025) | Mighty Morphin Jimmy Rangers

Almost 20 years of absence, this seminal zombie series is back in cinemas with 28 Years Later, actually the first of a new trilogy that brings back Danny Boyle in the directing chair and Alex Garland as screenwriter …. and indeed it immediatly feels like a continuation of 28 Days Later and what most feel 28 Weeks Later should have been, as it expands upon this perpetually quarantined UK, where the “rage virus” started spreading and turning people in feral fast running zombies.

This time we focus on a community that lives in a secluded island, but has the tradition of sending teens in a coming of age hunting trip inland (through a tiny strip of land that disappears with high tides), and its the turn of Spike, a 12yo boy reluctant and worried about his mother’s ailing health, for this rite of passage, with the help of his father, showing him “the ropes”.

This experience brings him new wonders and horrors, forcing him to confront his fears and eventually take drastic measures, exploring the zombie ridden inland territories and confront everevolving strains of Infected, maybe in the hope he can find answers and a cure for his mother’s illness and dementia….

It does expand upon the world, the zombies ecosystem, it does deliver on the gore and brutality all around, there are some good characters, but it has some questionable choices, like the second act development that feels a bit strange and almost random, but it leads to some great scenes and the movie it is quite good that i’m willing to overlook that (alongside a slightly redundant feeling due to the genre being milked dry in the last 2 decades of zombie media) and even a Power Ranger-esque final scene with dudes dressed like Tiger from Ninja Terminator.

Land Shark (2017) [REVIEW] | #sharkapalooza

As we learned through years of shark movies, pretty much anything goes, especially as the budgets move closer to zero, even in these cases you can do a poster that’s way better than the movie could ever be, at the very least. Money is important, but lacking it can’t stop you making your movies about shark of any kind or type, as we already saw in Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast.

It’s another Mark Polonia film, but it’s one that immediatly, even after hundreds of these no budget sharks film (often made by him or his friends-colleagues), does make one stop and reflect on the fact that – maybe, maybe – this is crossing some unspoken line or etiquette, even amongst this kind of shark film, when you make a rip-off of Sand Sharks.

And also of Super Shark, which had a giant shark somehow moving on land, but that one was actually so craptastic to be memorable, both movies far older than this, so one has to wonder if – maybe – it wasn’t intentional, but i find it hard to believe the Polonia Brothers (of all people) weren’t aware of previous movies like Sand Sharks. To be more correct, i simply don’t.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] M3GAN 2.0 (2025) | Panzer Kunt

2 years after the M3GAN killer robot was destroyed, her creator, Gemma, moved on and kept working in robotics while advocating for more cautious laws about IA, while taking care of her niece Cady, but unknown to them, someone stole M3GAN technology and created another killer robot, AMELIA, which has gone rogue and start killing anyone involved with the project.

M3GAN, whom has been hiding in their home cloud network, springs back to alert Gemma she could be next, and that if they want to have a chance of stopping AMELIA killing her and her niece, they need to graft M3GAN a new robot body, even more as the stakes quickly escalate…

Yeah, it’s not really a horror movie anymore, the gore is still pretty graphic but the tone is completely different, going basically for a ubercharged pastiche that skips a lot of modern narration to go for satirical and autoironical, which still has that 90s sci fi-horror aesthetic, as it’s a bit Robocop, a bit Ghost In The Shell, Matrix, Terminator, heck, you can even feel drafts of Alita Battle Angel, with M3GAN basically needing a new berserker body to fight.

It does manage to develop further the characters from the previous film, especially M3GAN herself, and it all does work since she’s indeed “the bitch”, “the slay queen”, she is incredibly fun to see in action and sells it.

If you expect a more in-depth critique of modern use of IA, or a more conservative sequel that’s actually a horror film, you might detest this one, which is understandable but honestly i do commend the effort to keep it fresh and not just rehash the first film, since it does embrace his deliberate sarcastic detour into action sci-fi, and for what it is, it’s a riot, hugely entertaining.

[EXPRESSO] Heart Eyes (2025) | Serial Seattle Slasher

I kept myself in the dark as could about this one, for a change, but indeed i do understand why it was discussed and looked forward to.

The short of it is that Heart Eyes is what one could expect old slasher like My Bloody Valentine to be about, as in, it’s indeed about a masked serial killer that kills people on Valentine’s Day, but this isn’t more or less random theming to help marketing when it’s not actually relevant to the plot, this is a serial killer that specifically prays on couple every Valentine’s Day, and its killing spree have become a tradition of sorts, dreaded and dubbed as the “Heart Eyes killer” by the press.

This time he targets two co-workers that are trying to figure out if there actually could be something between the two when out for a dinner “date”, forcing the two to try and survive the night….

It’s a pretty simple set up but it gets more interesting than it sounds since the movie is also a romantic comedy, and thankfully the script co-writed by Christopher Langdon (Happy Death Day, Freaky, Drop) is able to balance out both the romance and the comedy horror aspects, while also delivering on the graphic violence with great gore effects and some really fun kills, coexisting with the genre-savvy dialogues and attitudes that never clash against each others, harvesting the classic slasher tropes for some fun twists and somehow being able to avoid padding, making for a succint, to the point approach to both the slasher and romance genres that’s witty without straight up brownosing itself.

The killer is also surprisingly fun to see in action, nothing original, but executed in a fashion that harnesses the cliches in a familiar but still fun, slightly fresher and satisfying way.