Popeye’s Revenge (2025) [REVIEW] | Hamburger Friday The 13th

Surprise!

As i said prefacing the review for Popeye The Slayer Man, i’m not gonna change the schedule for these films, but since i also don’t want to have these hanging off the “to do” list like dingleberries, we’re doing overtime.. well, I am doing overtime, let’s cover these now and hope i won’t have to do another round of Popeye-xploitation in the fall.

And yes, i guess i should have done this before Popeye The Slayer Man, since it came out earlier and it’s actually the first one to capitalize on Popeye’s character falling into public domain (the other free idea bucket alongside mythology), and surprising no one it’s by one of the production companies behind the Winnie Pooh Blood And Honey movies (though it’s not part of their Twisted Childhood Universe), heck, it’s written by Harry Boxley (Dinosaur Hotel 3, Jurassic Triangle, Tsunami Sharks, and of course a couple of the Steamboat Willy-xploitation flicks, Mouseboat Massacre and Mouse Of Horrors), and directed by William Stead, curiously not his feature lenght debut, as directed something called “Children Of The Night” back in 2023.

The plot is that in a UK coastal town, a boy with abnormal arms and a pronounced chin is born, his appereance leading to him getting relentelessly getting bullied at school (where he often dons his sailor outfit), until one day he snaps and fights back, killing one of his bullies.

His parents hide him in the basement for his own good, but the townspeople form an angry mob and they torch down Popeye’s family home, with his parents dying in the fire and apparently him drowning in a nearby lake.

Years later some douchy young adults inherit the house, unaware of his dark history, but as they try to settle in more and more of them keep disappearing off…

You know what this sounds like?

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Popeye The Slayer Man (2025) [REVIEW] | Yams The Dark Ages

We’re doing this now because honestly these are not worth having to change most of the blog’s schedule, as yes, this is another subchapter in the “public domainxploitation” saga, after the Steambot Willy version of Mickey Mouse and previously the Pooh character from Winnie The Pooh were preyed upon by the evergrowing amount of horror hacks.

And sincer this is just one of the 3 Popeye horror films made and released this year, “hacks” i feel is the right term, you don’t get to pretend otherwise when you actually makes films of this ilk.

Also yes, i am quite late to the partay, since these films were released starting from late February onwards, but i did not known Popeye was gonna be forcedfully made to join the trend until a saw a poster for this film in late May.

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[EXPRESSO] Until Dawn (2025) | Happy Bloody New Death Day

An Until Dawn movie adaptation might sound stupid, and pointless… it does, but this isn’t an adaptation of the main storyline of Supermassive Games’ title, it’s actually a standalone story allegedly taking place in the Until Dawn universe,

Kinda funny (and stupid) to have the film adaptation of a game that had systems built in to ensure you lived through the decisions you made… have the central gimmick being a time loop, with the idea being that every time the teens (come to a visitor centre in the valley where Melanie, Clover’s sister, mysteriously disappeared a 1 year prior) are killed they change horror subgenre, chased by cursed zombie like creatures and masked killers, the only escape being in them managing to survive until dawn.

Nifty idea, but still, it only kinda makes sense only when you consider this from the macro level of Supermassive Games’ various efforts in the “cinematic adventure game” fashion, and even so, it’s a stretch, let’s be real, this feels more like a rejected Happy Death Day (or Bloody New Year) style script – directed though by David F. Sandberg of Lights Out and Shazam fame – that got the Until Dawn branding (and a couple of touch ups to make sure something from the game made the cut) slapped on it mid-way through production, to ensure this get more butts in theathers.

I will admit the new gimmick laid on top sounds really fun and kinda mirrors the game’s using various elements from slashers of different eras all together… shame they give up mid-way on their own selling point (boy they do skimp on the “subgenre change” concept), but for what it ultimately is, the “Until Dawn” movie’s got decent acting, it’s entertaining, has some good gore effects, making for a decent time overall.

[EXPRESSO] Sinners (2025) | From Blues Till Dawn

There are movies that are best enjoyed by going in “cold”, by i don’t know if Sinners is one of those, as i can imagine people being confused if they were not aware of From Dusk Until Dawn having been a thing for a couple of decades (alongside some sequels i keep forgetting exist).

Because it is that, but done less as a deliberately disjointed surprise jump in tone, direction and subject matter, as it made to feed into the themes of freedom, black heritage and racial tensions, with the first half being a thriller drama set in 30s America, where a couple of brothers in the crime business, Smoke and Stack, go back to their town in Mississippi, in order to try and make some cash by setting up a juke joint, and they involve their cousin, a budding bluesman dubbed “Preacher Boy”.

The second half is them being stalked and having to survive when vampires surround the juke joint at night, and yes, its indeed doing a “From Dusk Until Dawn”, turning things straight into horror territory, with pretty good effects too and some very nice musical bits, lots of carnage, really good acting as always, especially Michael B. Jordan as both “Smokestack” brothers.

I respect it’s ambition and willing to do some out there shit (like the “future and past” visions of blues music), but the editing at times is frustrating, it kinda keeps going even after what would have been a good time to end the movie… twice, which is partially due to close up some subplots.

At times it’s a bit too much and it’s a miracle it works so well instead of being the utter mess it sounds-could have been like, but it is still well done, bold and stylish, i do recommend it.

[EXPRESSO] The Monkey (2025) | FAQING MONKY

After bringing about a Manson-esque supernatural horror with Longlegs, Oz Perkins is back with an adaptation of Stephen King’s short story The Monkey, about – indeed – a cursed mechanical wind-up toy monkey (no cimbals, but a good ol’ drum & stick set) that is able kill off people via convenient incidents, found by a couple of brothers as it belonged to their father, who ran off home years ago. They find out there’s something about the monkey toy and the deaths that seem to happened with eerie timing, so they decide to hide it away.

25 years later, mysterious deaths start happening again in the brother’s hometown of Casco, Maine (ah yes, the inland, Jessica Fletcher-free part of it), forcing the two siblings, whom has grown strangers to each other, to settle that dark secret from their past….

And boy is this one a good time, as it goes for a deliberately over the top comedy horror tone, which works splendidly with the very blasè existentialist dark humour, and doesn’t waste time trying to make more complex or apply “logic” to a concept that defies it, because the idea of a djinn/genie that can basically dish out death without having to twist around the words of the people making the wishes doesn’t make sense either.

The toy monkey won’t care what you think (or want) either way.

The characters and exchanges are delightfully over the top in some way or another (while reserving some time for more serious, emotional moments), as are the many gory deaths, as gruesome as they are funny, with people exploding into pieces, torn apart by lawnmowers, being brutally impaled via a series of absurd little accidents, the effects are great too, and it doesn’t overstays its welcome by padding itself out.

Quite fun, recommended.

[EXPRESSO] Heretic (2024) | Now Without James Earl Jones

Hugh Grant playing a cerebral psychopath with a vaguely Saw-esque bend wasn’t on my bingo card, but A24 did score another interesting looking film just by having Grant play against type in Heretic, and indeed it pays off, but first the plot.

A couple of young Mormon missionaries are visiting people that showed interest in their religion, but as they go about trying to sell their faith, they reach the house of a certain man, Reed, whom welcomes in his house, and slowly turns out to just as unnerving and ruthless as he’s charming, trapping the two women in a web of lies, philosophical debates and tests of faith, among other misdeeds that i ain’t gonna spoil.

It’s indeed a movie that’s more than the sum of its parts, because we’ve seen this before, with the charismatic psycho that traps people in its home, also uses his wits to mentally assault its subjects/victims alongside planning and thinking about every detail of his plans, the religious women whose faith is tested, but the choice of a more niche Christian subset and the more cerebral nature of the film makes is stand out, though fear not, you also get a decent amount of satisfying gore, it can be pretty stylish (love the usage of dioramas, i will say that much) and some good laughs too.

Also, while you do get an idea of where it might be going soon enough, it’s not quite that predictable and it’s the “how” that makes it intriguing, thanks in no small part to Grant’s amazing performance, as you know this guy is bad news, but yet you’re somewhat inclined to believe his words and acts maybe aren’t malicious or ominous as they seem, that – somehow – there is some sort of egregious misunderstanding going on.

Quite good.

[EXPRESSO] Strange Darling (2023) | Psycho Killer

Heard of this one but eventually forgot as it only showed up now in theathers here, Strange Darling is the kind of movie that has most reviews for it trying to tell you as less as they can about the movie and instead encourage you just go see it knowing as little as you can about it, because it’s impossible not to spoil the experience by going into any real detail about its contents.

… and it’s indeed that kind of film, it is, so the basic gist is that there’s a cat-and-mouse chase going on between a serial killer and its chosen victim, with the narrative presenting itself in deliberate chronological disorder.

After it tells you it was shot entirely on 35 mm film, which is great but barely will matter on most modern digital screens, but yep, it’s a psychological thriller loosely based on a real life series of murders, as the Texas Chainsaw Massacre style narration tells us about in the beginning.

I wish director Jt Mollner did away with “labeling” and just trusted the audience a bit more (though it’s increasingly harder to do so), especially as it’s tied directly to the film’s main method of subverting linear storytelling and the expectations that come with it, here used to tackle themes such as misoginy, sexual kinks, consent, genre prejudices, and so on.

Honestly while it’s kinda disappointing since it’s hard to tell if the movie isn’t engaging the questions it raises because there are no easy answers…. or because it doesn’t want to, i’m still more miffed about the aforementioned “chickening out at your own vision”

Even so, after the revelations come about, the movie it’s still quite intense, graphic and acting is excellent, so, if not perfect, it’s still quite the good ride, worth watching.

Valentine (2001) [REVIEW] | Class Of 1988

Thought i’ve run out of Valentine’s Day themed slasher to unearth?

Think again, because i feel i’m about to, but i managed to dig up one i’ve never heard before, not even in lists, simply called Valentine, released in 2001, based on the novel of the same name by Tom Savage.

1988, Valentine’s Day dance at a highschool in San Francisco, an outcast called Jeremy Melton asks out four girls for a dance, but he gets rejected. One of the girls friends’, Dorothy, accepts him, but when they make out under the bleachers, they are jumped by some bullies, and Dorothy accuses Jeremy of assaulting her, so they beat the shit out of him.

Jeremy is expelled, sent to reform school, then accused by the girls of sexual assault, and eventually is sent to a sanitarium.

13 years later, the same girls are stalked and killed by someone in a trenchcoat sporting a Cupid mask, all in the days leading up to Valentine’s, making them wonder if Jeremy is back, as the warped Valentine letters each of them receives are signed “JM”….

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Bloody New Year (1987) [REVIEW] | The Evil Dead Spooktacular Fun Fair Knock-off-O-Rama

I know i was supposed to rewrite/revise or straight up redo old reviews for the rest of January, but since i usually don’t do it due 12 Days Of Dino December filling up the slots, i’ve figured i still would write a brand new review, about one of the few “New Year’s Eve” themed holiday 80s slashers.

No, not that one, we’re doing Bloody New Year.

Yeah, it’s a cop-out since it’s almost February, but whatever, consider it a freebie of sorts, a Spooktacular Eight review but in January, if you prefer.

Regardless, yes, surprisingly this subniche of holiday horror hasn’t been mined.. at all, without doing some research i struggle to come up with any more of “new year’s slashers” that isn’t the other one i alluded to before, New Year’s Evil.

That one is far more memorable and actually features prominently the “new year’s eve” as part of the plot…. this is Bloody New Year.

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[EXPRESSO] Bagman (2024) | “I Know You, That’s My Purse!”

While i don’t want to preventively brand any horror movie releasing in January as “filler”…. this is clearly a holdover of last year’s that Lionsgate put out now in theathers, without much fanfare.

Funnily enough, it’s not even that bad of a film.

It’s the typical “boogeyman bingo” story, with a mother/father thas has to confront something dark from his past before it can harm its child, in this case “Bagman”, dubbed as such by the father, Patrick, that encountered it once before, and now seems to be back to stalk his family, especially his son Jake, etc etc.

I was ready to joke about how the parents are so stupid they might as well wear t-shirts with “postnatal abortion supporter” written on it.. but they’re not even that dumb, to be honest, the promise has some potential, it’s technically well put together, but.. it’s also EXACTLY the kind of movie you get from the “The [noun/adjective] Man” joke.

On the positive side it’s not boring, it’s short, the acting is decent, there is some ok atmosphere to it all, i kinda like the villain…but the pacing is all over the place, the plot just kinda scatters about, the jumpscares are limp, the characters just eventually become too conviently stupid even for the genre, and you’ll more likely be startled and annoyed by sudden deafining bullshit, like the one the kid makes with its forsaken flute.

Honestly, it’s about what i expected going on, though there was actually something to work off with here to actually make for a ok or decent film, but it all gets lost in generic horror tropes and cliches.

I will have to go with a “slightly subpar” rating because it’s too generic and doesn’t really add anything worthwhile or novel to the bogeyman formula.