Lake Placid 3 (2010) [REVIEW] #sharksncrocs

For another episodes of sequels no one asked but the second proved profitable enough, this is a series now, so whatever, Lake Placid 3 came into existence by first airing on SciFi in 2010, then hitting home video that same year. There was much rejoicing.

So, before i criticize the plot for a specific reason, i’m gonna talk about how for this one directing duties went to Griff Furst. A name that should feel familiar to longtime readers, as we reviewed some of his directed movies, such as the enjoyable Arachnoquake, the almost craptacular Ghost Shark, the awful slasher Maskerade, and one of the worse dinosaur movies i’ve ever seen, 100 Million BC. Also, something called Trailer Park Shark (aka Shark Shock).

This is a bit earlier in his career, but he was already establishing itself in the “bayou killer shark and/or croc” niche, so why not, hire him to do Lake Placid 3.

And have some full frontal nudity & intercourse in the first 5 minutes, just to make it clear what kind of trash this movie is gonna be. And clarity is all i ask of killer croc movies.

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Ghost Shark (2013) [REVIEW] | Seabound Phantasm Of The Deep

When there’s no more room in shark movie hell, we’ll get a shark version of Dante’s Inferno, somehow.

Or something. Because these niche sub-subgenre of horror movies eventually would have tried to generate titles by combining “shark” with all of the Pokemon types, and then stich together a movie from just the title, no matter what the word is or how stupid it sounds. Just mash things together.

Despite it being a “niche”, there’s always space for some weird ass, stupid take on the “shark movie”, even when you think it reached total saturation stuff like “Sharks Of The Corn” will show up online. And even in 2013 we already felt like we saw every type of stupid bullshit involving sharks, so you had to really think about and put some effort in a premise that would catch the attention of a public who already saw sharks defy the rules of nature (cue music) and weather.

So this time we got a frigging ghost shark, it is indeed what it says on the tin.

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Arachnoquake (2012) [REVIEW] | Phantom Uses Rollout

In a sense, i’m way overdue for reviewing this, not that i was getting emails about it, but because i realize i should have seen and reviewed this before Lavalantula and the sequel, 2 Lava 2 Lantula, especially the first one, who in hindsight sound a lot like a parody of that one, but featuring the bus driver as lead instead of the washed up celebrity played by Steve Guttenberg (and yes, that movie realized the irony in that casting), just taking place in New Orleans instead of California and this time the spiders are coming out due to an earthquake caused by fracking, instead of being long lost cousins of Phantom incased in magma for millions of years that woke up and started the eruption.

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Boa VS Python (2004) [REVIEW] | Serpentine Showdown

Unified Film Organization had some success with reptile themed TV monster movies, heck, even to warrant making a “B-movie sequel” to 2000’s Python. But it just happens in 2003 the long-gestating Freddy VS Jason crossover movie was released, and so of course unrelated companies that didn’t even operate in the same market space felt entitled to sponge off the renewed interest in horror crossovers. While – for mere coincidence – Robert Englund was actually in Python, of course calling him back for pennies after he just play Freddy Krueger again was stupid to even attempt.

What do? Since you can’t trademark actual existing animals, they figured whatever, a boa was in New Alcatraz, Python did have a genetically mutated version of the titular animal, so let’s make these two CG animals battle to the death, call it Boa VS Python, job’s a good ‘un, print, beautiful.

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Dino December #3: 100 Million B.C. (2008)

While this isn’t the only “dinosaurs and time travels” exploitative mash up, the premise of Navy SEALs travelling back to the prehistoric times in order to undo another time travel accident (basically implying this what happened as a result of the “Philadelphia Incident”), accidentally unleashing an abnormally large T-rex in modern Los Angeles, it’s at least more interesting and shows a modicum of effort, needed to stand out in the overpopulated dinosaur-xploitation market of cheap raptors and TV movie budgets.

Then again, since is from the director of Swamp Shark, Arachnoquake and Ghost Shark, Griff Furst, credited here as Louis Myman, i guess his favorite pseudonym, since he used a nearly identical one later for Ragin Cajun Gators. Not encouraging that a director “Alan Smithee-s” himself, even more because he’s – more or less – properly credited in his other directing and acting roles.

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Swamp Shark/Killer Shark (2011) [REVIEW] Bayou Boyah

Swamp Shark AKA Killer Shark 2011

Since i couldn’t find a copy of Mississippi River Sharks NOT dubbed in hindi (not offense, but i don’t understand a lick of it), i’m doing this one.

Never heard of it before, just randomly happened upon it while browsing Amazon Prime Video, under one of its alternative titles, the imaginative “Killer Shark”.
Compared to the choking hazard sharks, i guess. Continua a leggere “Swamp Shark/Killer Shark (2011) [REVIEW] Bayou Boyah”

Shark Shock (2017) [REVIEW]| Rednecks VS Electro Shark

Shark Shock 2017 dvd poster.jpg

Sans Peter Gabriel. Sadly.

It’s worth noting right away that you might already have seen this, it’s Trailer Park Shark, retitled as Shark Shock for the UK DVD release i bought. I would lament about the dvd cover (shown above) being false adverting, but there are jet skis and trailers in the movie, water though is far from crystaline since it takes place (and is filmed) in Lousiana, with waters as murky and brown as you can get. Continua a leggere “Shark Shock (2017) [REVIEW]| Rednecks VS Electro Shark”