Dino Dicember #10: Raptor (2001)

With a title that cuts to the chase and it being released 5 years after Carnosaur 3: Primal Species, first question is how and why you would consider it related to the Carnosaur series, at all?

I guess because is produced by Corman yet again under his company New Concorde… and due to the fact it uses stock footage from all the Carnosaur movies. Heck, even the DVD cover it’s also 40 % stock footage of the ones used in the american releases!

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Dino Dicember #8: Carnosaur 2 (1995)

2 years later, following the rise of a new dino-human hybrid race… Wait, this is that type of sequel, just slap another number on the name of the previous movie, and do whatever the fuck you want with it, as long its about the same general theme and/or subject. Continuity, thy name is Corman.

This time we have a group of scientist that go a nuclear mining facility in Yucca Mountains (just missing an atomic Tor Johnson followed by gray, dull narration) to investigate a potential meltdown, but instead find dino eggs in one of the caves. Not, not radioactive dinosaurs, that would have been kinda fun, just the boring old cloned type of mutant dinosaurs. You can guess the rest.

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Dino Dicember #7: Carnosaur (1993)

Another famous one, the first Carnosaur movie, another example of good ol’ Corman’s craftmanship , as he throw this one together very fast, even by its own standards, just to have it out in theathers before Spielberg’s Jurassic Park. A tradition of knock-offs (and “mockbusters” before the term itself was coined) that can’t even wait for the movie they’re knocking off to be released, with scripts written on a bar napkin and then pushed into production, as they damn well knew they wouldn’t survive direct competition in theaher, a legacy carried on by The Asylum in the last decade.

With somehow worst results, but let’s stay on topic.

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Dino December #5: The Lost Dinosaurs / The Dinosaur Project (2012)

With such a title and a plot synopsis, The Lost Dinosaurs comes across as a Congo knock-off, with dinosaurs instead of simians. So i was – if anything – surprised to learn this is filmed in mockumentary/found footage style, which i think it’s a first for these dinosaurs themed flicks. I wasn’t expecting a jurassic take on Blair Witch Project, of all things. I don’t like this style, i really don’t, but i have to respect the effort into coming up with an absurd idea like this, even if the movie turns out to a complete shitshow.

The plot sees Luke, an adventure enthusiast, secretly embark with his father and uncle on an expedition to find the legendary cryptid Mokele Mbembe (basically the african cousin of good ol’ Nessie) in Congo, and in secluded jungle they actually find animals looking like dinosaurs, thought to have gone extinct 65 millions years ago…

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Dino December #4: Jurassic Galaxy (2018)

So, either someone really liked Dino Crisis 3, or more likely was “inspired” by the Godzilla animated trilogy, which i feel it’s really underrated and often quite maligned just because the 3D CG looks kinda ass…which it does, but the script by Gen Urobuchi is quite good, so much it makes the trilogy worthy of being seen, i’d say.

While it isn’t the case, i find it hard to not think of it, since the premise still see the main crew of interstellar explorers landing on a planet full of dinosaurs, but it lacks the whole patriotic drive of “conquering back the motherplanet Earth” (this isn’t Earth), or the social tensions forming between the different groups and races on board of the ship. Still, space dinosaurs is still quite the proposition that could do for some good b-movie entertaiment, and isn’t exactly a sub-genre….yet, this isn’t even the only “dinosaur sci-fi in space” flick released in 2018.

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Dino Dicember #2: Raptor Ranch / The Dinosaur Experiment (2012)

Because Jurassic Farm was too obvious, or lacked the everpopular combo of assonance and allitteration. Still better than the other alternative title this movie goes under, you don’t get much more generic that “The Dinosaur Experiment”.

Just make it nice and obvious for everyone.

Now i would discuss the plot, but there’s very little in that regard. In Fossile Ridge, a reclusive mad scientist has been secretly experimenting with bird DNA, and managed to make dinosaurs while hiding in a Texan cattle ranch. One of the dinos escapes, starts killing people, which prompts the FBI and the local police to investigate.

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Dino Dicember #1: Age Of Dinosaurs (2013)

♪ It Is The Dawning Of… ♪

Picked up this randomly as the first movie to watch for Dino December, and of course it’s an Asylum production. And i didn’t plan it, that’s just my luck, but it’s also quite fittingly basic, so perfect to start this merry marathon!

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[EXPRESSO] Brahms – The Boy II (2020) | Doll Droppings

I saw The Boy in theathers back then, quite liked it, i knew they made a sequel, by the same director, William Brent Bell, and writer, Stacey Menear, but i kinda forgot about it, until i noticed it’s available as an Amazon Prime Video exclusive, I was.. perplexed by just reading the gist.

The plot follows a young boy, Jude, and his parents, moving into a mansion in the woods to heal, as he and the mother were traumatized by a home invasion incident, and Jude finds a life-sized doll he dubs “Brahms” and becomes creepily attached to.

You could make a sequel to The Boy work, but this movie is a complete cop-out, as it systematically makes sure this is taking place in the same location, set after the events of the first movie… but also wants to be your typical “possessed/evil killer doll” movie, the complete anthesis of The Boy, and make sure you can’t deny or doubt of the doll actually being alive, giving it a backstory that – conveniently – didn’t factor in one iota in the first one.

Even worse, it’s also utter crap in itself, with some of stupidest (and bloodless) “kills” you will ever see in a movie that takes itself so serious, and disappointing, frustrating and stupid “anti-twists”. There’s no intrigue, no mistery, no atmosphere, nothing to it, the good production values and decent acting plain wasted on such dreck. Of course the ending is also a complete cop-out. Of course.

Among stand-alone horror sequels that are way better than the first one, The Boy II is the rare shitty sequel that not only it’s completely unnecessary, misses the point of the previous one, but it’s so garbage it almost retroactively taints the original one, destroying any goodwill gained with it.

Rise Of The Zombies (2012) [REVIEW] | The Walking Machete

Halloween is technically over, but… one more!

You may think this is another of those movies that trojan horse you into watching them because they have Danny Trejo on the cover…. but not quite. And yes, “Trejobaiting” was (and i guess still is) a thing.

If anything, i’m angry because he’s in it for the first half-hour, then they sloppily kill him off at 35 minutes (and use him in zombie form for 5 more), after letting you believe he might be in the third act. Still, it’s definitely better than stuff like Zombie Hunter, where he there’s for 5, 10 minutes tops, despite being prominent on all promotional material.

Even more surprising, the movie itself isn’t complete shit…. even if it isn’t very good.

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[EXPRESSO] Kadaver (2020) | Dinner Theatre

The first norwegian horror film produced by Netflix, and available since October 22.

Directed and written by Jaran Herdal, Kadaver tells of a family living in a cold, barren, post-apocalyptic city, with a full-out nuclear war that might erupt at any moment. One day, a strange man shows up to sell tickets for an event held by Mathias, a local rich man, with promise of food and entertaiment at his mansion.

After dinner is served, Mathias tells the audience that the show is unique, as it takes place all through the mansion, and instructs them to wear masks while they follow the maskeless actors putting up various scenes. In time the spectators are whisked away in secret for true purpose of the party. Which i won’t give away, even if you can take an easy educated guess.

Sadly, it’s an uneven experience.

It has some stylish and morbid imagery, the idea of a trap “dinner theatre” is cool and quite original, but the narrative moves too damn fast even at the beginning, so you’re not really given any valuable time to feel invested in the fate of the family, or to second guess the nature of the odd performance. Doesn’t help that the plot relies on characters doing dumb mistakes most of the time.

On the upside, it’s fairly short and entertaining all the way, the ambiancè is great and there are some good moments, but also middle of the road character (decent acting, at least), and an ending that’s quite… clichè for such an intriguing promise.

It’s a shame, because it released at the perfect time for the themes to resonate with the audience, but it held back by its not small flaws. It’s still a decent horror movie, definitely worth checking out, even just for the original plot.