[EXPRESSO] Greenland (2020) | Family Fallout

Oh, yes, the indie subgenre of Gerard Butler movies.

For the record, i do like Butler, but for better or for worst you can often easily guess what kind of experience you’re getting in a movie just by seeing him starring in it. This is exactly one such occasion, as Butler stars in another disaster movie, after weathering Geostorm (which i didn’t see) 3 years ago.

This time things are a teensy bit different, as he embarks in a desperate journey to a bunker in Greenland, where maybe him and his family can survive a coming meteor that will fall on Earth and probably cause the extinction of mankind. So yeah, no chance to see him suplex the meteor out of orbit while clad in a mechanical golden god robe, but it’s a more realistic approach, and the focus on surviving the threath more than facing it works better.

Directed by Ric Roman Waugh (Snitch, Angel Has Fallen), Greenland sadly never rises from being … adequate, as it tries to focus more on the drama, but also has no qualms in compromising and forcing conflict so we can have more action scenes, or more twists, doesn’t matter if they’re dumb even in context. Regardless, don’t get locked into a conversation with Butler, he’ll get his way regardless if you do, even at long-range.

The movies tries to be better, but it can’t fully committ to either its more ludicrous or serious elements, decent to good perfomances can’t do much when the main characters are built out of clichès, and the movie wants to hit you over the head with the themes, or cheaply provoke an emotional response. While it’s perfectly watchable, i feel it’s a bit longer than it should, you could have cut 20 minutes out of it.

Serviceable.

Megalodon/Sharkzilla (2002) [REVIEW] | Karcharíasdontas

Megalodon AKA Sharkzilla 2002.png

Time for more confusing re-titling of shark movies, as there’s a tv movie from 2012 actually called Sharkzilla, but the old 2002 Megalodon (yeah, originality isn’t this subgenre forte, as there’s yet another movie called “Megalodon” that was released in 2018) was released on DVD in the UK as Sharkzilla, de facto just putting a lick of paint over a + 10 years old movie to fool people into thinking it’s a crappy new release.

Lovely confusion-based marketing, par for the course for this strain of shark shit, so much than in Germany was sold as “Jurassic Shark 3” (there no Jurassic Shark 2, and i thank the heavens for it)! Then again, i paid it less than 5 bucks, total, so… Continua a leggere “Megalodon/Sharkzilla (2002) [REVIEW] | Karcharíasdontas”

Mississippi River Sharks (2017) [REVIEW] | Senior Rodeo Daredevils

Mississippi River Sharks 2017.png

I’ve finally found a version with the original english voices (and in hindi, again), so time to review this one as well!

And it’s quite the shark dropping we have, because 1 minute in you’ve already seen the best part, it’s not even from the actual movie, it’s a clip from a fake in-movie shark series called Shark Bite, and this ties into the actual plot of the movie, with sharks attacking river boats in Mississippi and then disrupting a fish rodeo (possibly held by ol’ Jim Slater ) presented by the main lead of the fake Shark Bite movie series.

Continua a leggere “Mississippi River Sharks (2017) [REVIEW] | Senior Rodeo Daredevils”

Japan Sinks 2020 (2020) [REVIEW] | ooh the eastern sea’s so blue

Japan Sinks 2020 2020.png

I knew this series was coming, but the surprising lack of hype, coverage and buzz on social media sites made me think either people forgot about this, or didn’t bother since most of the feedback from the dedicated sites was, with most of the comments expressing disappointement, criticizing excessive nationalism for the sake of it or just baffling stating stuff that – somehow – happens, like a grandpa “360° sniping” with a bow and arrows, etc.

This made me a bit sad, as i loved Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken (which i highly recommend, just go watch if you haven’t), and i don’t dislike Masaaki Yuasa’s work in general, quite the opposite, for example i love Kick-Heart, good stuff, Ping Pong The Animation is incredible, and his screenplay for the extra-surreal Cat Soup (another one i highly recommend) is quite good.

After pondering on it, i wrote a small blog post about the same apprehensions, and decided to watch the series since it’s a Netflix exclusive, and i do have Netflix, despite barely using most of the time. Continua a leggere “Japan Sinks 2020 (2020) [REVIEW] | ooh the eastern sea’s so blue”

So, about Japan Sinks 2020…

Eizouken-12-comet-a.jpg

I knew Masaaki Yuasa’s new series hit Netflix (even in my region) a couple of weeks ago or something, and apparently it’s a big ol’ turd with excessive nationalism and insane bullshit like granpas being superhuman hitman “360° sniping” with a bow or something?

At least that the impression i got from a lot of people on social media, and if that’s the case, i’m a bit sad, i absolutely loved Yuasa’s previous series, Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken, that one was great, a banger, so i guess i’ll have to see myself.

I wish i had a better excuse to dust off Netflix, but eh.

Expect a review of it later this month.

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002) [REVIEW] | Meme Sharks

Shark Attack 3 Megalodon 2002.png

Yeah, reviewing the previous Shark Attack movies was just a formality of sorts, more for completition’s sake and to have an excuse to watch them.

This is the Shark Attack movie you knew and (apparently) loved, and it doesn’t need presentation for many internet denizens of a certain age, since it spawned some really legendary, popular memes on an internet where “meme” wasn’t a common term at all, and had clips do the rounds of forums and boards. Continua a leggere “Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002) [REVIEW] | Meme Sharks”

Shark Attack 2 (2000) [REVIEW] | Cape Town Sharks, GO!

Shark Attack 2 2000

While the first Shark Attack wasn’t exactly a prestigious production, at least it was deemed worthy to be released as a TV movie.

With the “sequel” they didn’t even bother to try and sell it to SYFY, and released it directly to home video, which is already a flag of sorts, but then again, the first one was quite bad and widely panned, so nobody was expecting Shark Attack 2 to carry the sins of the father and redeem the franchise on the Golgotha. Continua a leggere “Shark Attack 2 (2000) [REVIEW] | Cape Town Sharks, GO!”

Swamp Shark/Killer Shark (2011) [REVIEW] Bayou Boyah

Swamp Shark AKA Killer Shark 2011

Since i couldn’t find a copy of Mississippi River Sharks NOT dubbed in hindi (not offense, but i don’t understand a lick of it), i’m doing this one.

Never heard of it before, just randomly happened upon it while browsing Amazon Prime Video, under one of its alternative titles, the imaginative “Killer Shark”.
Compared to the choking hazard sharks, i guess. Continua a leggere “Swamp Shark/Killer Shark (2011) [REVIEW] Bayou Boyah”

Summer Shark Attack/Ozark Sharks (2016) [REVIEW] | Fireworks Sharks

Ozark Sharks AKA Summer Shark Attack 2016

We’ll do Mississippi Shark Attack later (maybe), first we have to deal with sharks in the Ozarks region, because as we know damn well by now, the lack of oceans or seas won’t stop sharks (especially TV movies’ sharks) from appearing, as Dolph Lungren and Mackenzie Rosman (just to name a couple of random names) are well aware.

Also know as Summer Shark Attack, let’s be as specific as possible, it’s not like 99 % of these movies take place in the summer or in sunny places anyway. Then again, there are winter shark attack movies (more than they should), so the need to specify in what season it takes place is not completely useless. Continua a leggere “Summer Shark Attack/Ozark Sharks (2016) [REVIEW] | Fireworks Sharks”

Cruel Jaws (1995) [REVIEW] | Editing Sharks

Cruel Jaws 1995

How could i do a shark movie extravaganza without covering one of the most notorious pieces of “sharkxploitation”, especially if it comes from the motherland?

Italian exploitation cinema had always been very quick at tapping into trends (even inventing one, with the cannibal craze), but even without waiting for a resurgence of the shark movie (Jaws was released 20 years before, remember), many genre directors were quite happy to pump out monster movies like this regardless. And of course Bruno Mattei (credited as “William Snyder” here) wasn’t one to back down from anything. Continua a leggere “Cruel Jaws (1995) [REVIEW] | Editing Sharks”