Mega Shark in Malibu/Malibu Shark Attack (2009) [REVIEW] | Goblin Jaws

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Like it’s so often the case, i got this one on DVD for cheap, and the UK DVD release tries to fool you into thinking that’s related to (or part of) the Mega Shark series by The Asylum, even putting “the legend returns…” in the box art.

It’s actually not, it’s just a random shark movie called Malibu Shark Attack, that also just happens to have been released in 2009 like the first Mega Shark movie, Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus, but by this logic, Black Dynamite and Dragon Ball Evolution also belong in the Dinocroc shared universe. This is actually part of the Maneater series, though calling it series it’s a stretch, they are cheap horror films produced by RHI Entertaiment for SYFY (usually debutting there and then going to video), yes, but they don’t even stick to the theme of “natural horror” anymore. Not that it really matters.

Doesn’t help that this release still keeps the alternative DVD title of “Mega Shark Of The Malibu” in the movie itself, but it wouldn’t be a genre film without at least 2 or 3 alternate titles, i guess. It’s one of the unwritten laws of b movies and such. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark in Malibu/Malibu Shark Attack (2009) [REVIEW] | Goblin Jaws”

Mississippi River Sharks (2017) [REVIEW] | Senior Rodeo Daredevils

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I’ve finally found a version with the original english voices (and in hindi, again), so time to review this one as well!

And it’s quite the shark dropping we have, because 1 minute in you’ve already seen the best part, it’s not even from the actual movie, it’s a clip from a fake in-movie shark series called Shark Bite, and this ties into the actual plot of the movie, with sharks attacking river boats in Mississippi and then disrupting a fish rodeo (possibly held by ol’ Jim Slater ) presented by the main lead of the fake Shark Bite movie series.

Continua a leggere “Mississippi River Sharks (2017) [REVIEW] | Senior Rodeo Daredevils”

Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) [REVIEW] |”Get out of my friggin pool!”

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Yeah, we got to the point of having reality show licenses for an otherwise random crap shark movie, but if Coronation Street got a videogame, MTV’s Jersey Shore can have a shark movie…. actually no, it’s not endorsed by MTV, for some reason, this is a perfect match in trash heaven, and it’s not like MTV it’s above stuff like this.

But it isn’t, so they couldn’t use the names or the nicknames from the show, but that means nothing to me. Due to cultural osmosis (mostly forced, but whatever) i know it’s like The Big Brother but even more trashy – somehow – and taking place in New Jersey, but all i knew about it was that there’s a girl called “Snooki” in it, and it’s a reality show… that’s it. Doesn’t help that most of the things i know about New Jersey (not much) i learned by watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

So i was fully expecting to see Carl show up, somehow, but it doesn’t happen. Continua a leggere “Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) [REVIEW] |”Get out of my friggin pool!””

One Piece: Film Gold (Episode 0) (2016) [REVIEW]

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Director: unknown
Writer: unknown

Going back to the case of a One Piece movie having more than one prologue or preamble, since Film Gold also had a TV special that tie into it, Heart Of Gold, but – as a memory jog – we’re just covering featurettes and OVA this time.

And this actually takes place after that special but before the events of Film Gold itself, like Film Z’s Glorious Island OVA it was also released on smarthphones, and it really doesn’t tie into the movie it’s supposed to, it’s just so happens that the Straw Hats are on their way to the Gran Tesoro ship-city. Continua a leggere “One Piece: Film Gold (Episode 0) (2016) [REVIEW]”

Cinemas fully reopening next week in Italy (plus words on live action Mulan)

A new chapter in the “saga”.

While some theather chains had already reopened 2 month ago here in Italy, they were mostly showing stuff that released the week when the COVID-19 lockdown was put in place, but mostly throwing a lot of stuff from last year’s catalogue, when not even older material. Not much else you could do, really, as obviously no one was approving new releases to play in closed theathers during a sweeping pandemic.

But pretty much most theathers (even the one i usually go to) will resume proper this 19 of august, and i look forward to see the new Abel Ferrara movie, Siberia (and Onwards, honestly) not a bad way to begin a new – hopefully prolonged – “theather binge”.
I did went to see (and reviewed) The Grudge 2020 in the meantime, it was nice to go back, but it’s even better when you can choose to see movies you didn’t already saw last year…….. or 2 years ago. Continua a leggere “Cinemas fully reopening next week in Italy (plus words on live action Mulan)”

One Piece: Glorious Island OVA (2012) [REVIEW]

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Director: unknown
Writer: Eiichiro Oda

Going really into obscure territory here, since this is the prologue to One Piece Film Z, but it wasn’t released as a limited edition disc in a specific chain of theathers or shops, that would be too easy: instead it was originally released in 2 parts (6 minutes each) on smartphones as part of collaboration with Docomo’s then new mobile TV format-service, NOTTV, and later compiled in the japanese Blu-Ray release of One Piece Film Z.

Yeah, it’s basically an “Episode 0” of sorts, but instead of setting up more clearly the events of the movie and giving more info on the villain (like the following OVA prequel/episodes 0 for Strong World and Film Gold would do), this is a direct prologue that leads into the actual beginning of Film Z. Not that it matters because this is so detatched from the movie (you don’t see any of the movie villains in any shape, for example) it might as well be a random featurette, it would make more sense that way.

Sure, with the release format and the very nature of this OVA, you would reasonably guess whatever happens in it can’t be that important to the plot of the actual movie…..and you’d be correct, let’s not dance around it. Continua a leggere “One Piece: Glorious Island OVA (2012) [REVIEW]”

One Piece: Infiltration! Thousand Sunny! OVA (2011) [REVIEW]

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Director: unknown
Writer: unknown

Yet again we have a collaboration short, Infiltration! Thousand Sunny, born out of a deal with Nissan (yeah, the car company), and sold as a limited edition DVD exclusively in their japanese stores to obliquely promote the Nissan Serena model.

The DVD also included a making of the short film One Piece 3D Straw Hat Chase, not only because it’s animated in the same style of 3D CG, but because it’s main point it’s to advertise Straw Hat Chase, Luffy outright says that at the end, and it serves as a 8/9 minutes preamble to that movie. Continua a leggere “One Piece: Infiltration! Thousand Sunny! OVA (2011) [REVIEW]”

One Piece: Strong World (Episode 0) OVA (2010) [REVIEW]

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Director: Naoyuki Itō
Writer: Hitoshi Tanaka

Strong World is arguably one of the better One Piece movies, in no small part thanks to the not small involvement of Eiichiro Oda himself, who wrote the script for it, and definitely a huge step up after two previous theathrical releases that were just adbridged recaps/retelling of canon story arcs (especially in the case of the movie Episode Of Chopper, with some weird bastardization of canon and changes).

This of course didn’t stop Toei to further milk the golden pirate udders of the series (never did), so to advertize Strong World, they released a prequel to the movie in form of this OVA, Strong World: Episode 0, an adaptation of the special chapter “Strong World” released alongside chapter 565 of the manga (and gave away for free if you went to see the film in some japanese theathers, apparently). Of course they didn’t just released it anywhere, but in a limited retail DVD release of 3000 copies, given out as prizes for a contest held in House Foods (a major japanese food manufacturer) stores. Continua a leggere “One Piece: Strong World (Episode 0) OVA (2010) [REVIEW]”

One Piece OVAs and featurettes Retrospective coming soon

Last year i did a full retrospective of the One Piece movies leading up to the release of One Piece Stampede in theathers… all in italian, and while i plan to eventually do a reworking/redo of the retrospective in english (including Stampede, of course), and to cover all the TV specials, for this summer i’ll just cover the featurettes and OVAs.

NOT the live-action stage shows. Yes, even before the announced One Piece live-action Netflix series will actually show what’s its gonna look like, One Piece had more live-action adaptations, mostly as theather plays, hell, they even did One Piece Kabuki…

That’s about it, see you soon!

[EXPRESSO] They Came From The Sky NSWITCHDDL | Beam It Up

After debutting last year on Steam, FobTi Interactive’s “flying saucer 2D abduction simulator is now also available on Nintendo Switch, where it honestly feels more at home, given it’s designed primarly for quick runs, and oddly it’s NOT a mobile port.

They Came From The Sky (not to be confused with “They Came From The Skies” on PS2) definitely delivers on its title, since it’s a 2D arcade style game, with pixel art to match the premise of playing as an alien saucer, attacking the 50s with a simple goal: to abduct humans (animals as well) and make delicious smoothies with them. So the premise goes anyway, you won’t see any retro, faux 8-bit pixel gore in any detail.

Gameplay is simple, as the ufo scrolls automatically in the sky, and when you use the beam to capture humans and collect power-ups, you also change in which direction the ufo is gonna move, so timing is essential to avoid rockets or bullets from the human opposition (unless you manage to collect enough energy for a warp drive), and at the same time to keep the combo going, because it’s either a high score race in a limited time, o a survival run. Either case, you’ll see and hear Godzilla in the background.

Admittely, there isn’t much in the way of stuff to unlock (with in-game coins ONLY obtained via playing) in any “long term”, outside of 5 extra ufos with different stats, there are 3 background/cities to play in, there’s local multiplayer for max 4 players, but it definitely nails the arcade formula of simple control scheme but far from immediate (and potentially quite addictive) mastery of the combo system.

Perfect for coffee breaks, honestly. And for 3 bucks (full price), this is a no brainer if the premise intrigues your high score brain.