Dangerous Waters: Shark Attack/Spring Break Shark Attack (2005) [REVIEW] Teen Sharks, GO?

Dangerous Waters Shark Attack AKA Spring Break Shark Attack 2005.png — **Yeah, not a clear edit. Good lord, at least have matching fonts.**

This is actually Spring Break Shark Attack, but sold on home video as Dangerous Water Shark Attack, like in the UK DVD version, which also sports a cover trying to imply a more grim tone to the titular shark attack, totally trojan horsing to the shark movie aficionados a movie with such a generic name, making them think this is The Reef.

Really, even Jersey Shore Shark Attack had more to it, even if it was due to mixing together (and unofficially) two different – yet perfectly compatibile – flavours of trash, this is exactly what it says on the tin, and one that must have required very little brainstorming. Shark movie. Spring break. Teens played by “not quite teen” actors. Bikinis. Send tweet. Send script. Print. Beautiful. Continua a leggere “Dangerous Waters: Shark Attack/Spring Break Shark Attack (2005) [REVIEW] Teen Sharks, GO?”

True State Of Musou (As of 2020)

I teased this with my comment on the Dynasty Warriors 20th Anniversary celebration video, and – as i said in the article – that was just the tipping point, the final push to make me write down an editorial on the musou genre/subgenre, one i had been ruminating about for a couple of years.

And to do that, i will have to start not from the beginning (i will eventually do a full retrospective, in time), but from the last numbered title in the main Warriors series, Dynasty Warriors, yes, Dynasty Warriors 9.

This is a long article, ready your beverage of choice. Continua a leggere “True State Of Musou (As of 2020)”

Mega Shark in Malibu/Malibu Shark Attack (2009) [REVIEW] | Goblin Jaws

Mega Shark in Malibu AKA Malibu Shark Attack 2009.png

Like it’s so often the case, i got this one on DVD for cheap, and the UK DVD release tries to fool you into thinking that’s related to (or part of) the Mega Shark series by The Asylum, even putting “the legend returns…” in the box art.

It’s actually not, it’s just a random shark movie called Malibu Shark Attack, that also just happens to have been released in 2009 like the first Mega Shark movie, Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus, but by this logic, Black Dynamite and Dragon Ball Evolution also belong in the Dinocroc shared universe. This is actually part of the Maneater series, though calling it series it’s a stretch, they are cheap horror films produced by RHI Entertaiment for SYFY (usually debutting there and then going to video), yes, but they don’t even stick to the theme of “natural horror” anymore. Not that it really matters.

Doesn’t help that this release still keeps the alternative DVD title of “Mega Shark Of The Malibu” in the movie itself, but it wouldn’t be a genre film without at least 2 or 3 alternate titles, i guess. It’s one of the unwritten laws of b movies and such. Continua a leggere “Mega Shark in Malibu/Malibu Shark Attack (2009) [REVIEW] | Goblin Jaws”

Mississippi River Sharks (2017) [REVIEW] | Senior Rodeo Daredevils

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I’ve finally found a version with the original english voices (and in hindi, again), so time to review this one as well!

And it’s quite the shark dropping we have, because 1 minute in you’ve already seen the best part, it’s not even from the actual movie, it’s a clip from a fake in-movie shark series called Shark Bite, and this ties into the actual plot of the movie, with sharks attacking river boats in Mississippi and then disrupting a fish rodeo (possibly held by ol’ Jim Slater ) presented by the main lead of the fake Shark Bite movie series.

Continua a leggere “Mississippi River Sharks (2017) [REVIEW] | Senior Rodeo Daredevils”

Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) [REVIEW] |”Get out of my friggin pool!”

Jersey Shore Shark Attack 2012.png

Yeah, we got to the point of having reality show licenses for an otherwise random crap shark movie, but if Coronation Street got a videogame, MTV’s Jersey Shore can have a shark movie…. actually no, it’s not endorsed by MTV, for some reason, this is a perfect match in trash heaven, and it’s not like MTV it’s above stuff like this.

But it isn’t, so they couldn’t use the names or the nicknames from the show, but that means nothing to me. Due to cultural osmosis (mostly forced, but whatever) i know it’s like The Big Brother but even more trashy – somehow – and taking place in New Jersey, but all i knew about it was that there’s a girl called “Snooki” in it, and it’s a reality show… that’s it. Doesn’t help that most of the things i know about New Jersey (not much) i learned by watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

So i was fully expecting to see Carl show up, somehow, but it doesn’t happen. Continua a leggere “Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012) [REVIEW] |”Get out of my friggin pool!””

Cinemas fully reopening next week in Italy (plus words on live action Mulan)

A new chapter in the “saga”.

While some theather chains had already reopened 2 month ago here in Italy, they were mostly showing stuff that released the week when the COVID-19 lockdown was put in place, but mostly throwing a lot of stuff from last year’s catalogue, when not even older material. Not much else you could do, really, as obviously no one was approving new releases to play in closed theathers during a sweeping pandemic.

But pretty much most theathers (even the one i usually go to) will resume proper this 19 of august, and i look forward to see the new Abel Ferrara movie, Siberia (and Onwards, honestly) not a bad way to begin a new – hopefully prolonged – “theather binge”.
I did went to see (and reviewed) The Grudge 2020 in the meantime, it was nice to go back, but it’s even better when you can choose to see movies you didn’t already saw last year…….. or 2 years ago. Continua a leggere “Cinemas fully reopening next week in Italy (plus words on live action Mulan)”

One Piece: Glorious Island OVA (2012) [REVIEW]

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Director: unknown
Writer: Eiichiro Oda

Going really into obscure territory here, since this is the prologue to One Piece Film Z, but it wasn’t released as a limited edition disc in a specific chain of theathers or shops, that would be too easy: instead it was originally released in 2 parts (6 minutes each) on smartphones as part of collaboration with Docomo’s then new mobile TV format-service, NOTTV, and later compiled in the japanese Blu-Ray release of One Piece Film Z.

Yeah, it’s basically an “Episode 0” of sorts, but instead of setting up more clearly the events of the movie and giving more info on the villain (like the following OVA prequel/episodes 0 for Strong World and Film Gold would do), this is a direct prologue that leads into the actual beginning of Film Z. Not that it matters because this is so detatched from the movie (you don’t see any of the movie villains in any shape, for example) it might as well be a random featurette, it would make more sense that way.

Sure, with the release format and the very nature of this OVA, you would reasonably guess whatever happens in it can’t be that important to the plot of the actual movie…..and you’d be correct, let’s not dance around it. Continua a leggere “One Piece: Glorious Island OVA (2012) [REVIEW]”

One Piece: Infiltration! Thousand Sunny! OVA (2011) [REVIEW]

One Piece Infiltration Thousand Sunny OVA 2011.png

Director: unknown
Writer: unknown

Yet again we have a collaboration short, Infiltration! Thousand Sunny, born out of a deal with Nissan (yeah, the car company), and sold as a limited edition DVD exclusively in their japanese stores to obliquely promote the Nissan Serena model.

The DVD also included a making of the short film One Piece 3D Straw Hat Chase, not only because it’s animated in the same style of 3D CG, but because it’s main point it’s to advertise Straw Hat Chase, Luffy outright says that at the end, and it serves as a 8/9 minutes preamble to that movie. Continua a leggere “One Piece: Infiltration! Thousand Sunny! OVA (2011) [REVIEW]”

Dynasty Warriors 20th Anniversary video and the state of musou

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Today Koei released a compilation video to commemorate the series’ 20th anniversary, and while kinda nice, it’s also unadvertly very Koei, as they managed to cut content and recycle too much even in this occasion. XD

The trailer gives a brief compilation of cinematics and gameplay videos from all mainline Dynasty Warriors titles (and some brief logos appearances from the many spin-offs), and even the Empires and Xtreme Legends spin-off/expansions attached to those. All.. except the very first title in the series.

The real reason is because the first Dynasty Warriors wasn’t a musou, but a 1 on 1 fighter, and they clearly don’t consider it because Dynasty Warriors properly started in 2000 with what has been localized as “Dynasty Warriors 2”, but in Japan the first one was called simply “Sangoku Musou”, and to make more clear the change in direction, they called the second one “Shin Sangoku Musou”, so Dynasty Warriors 3 is “Shin Sangoku Musou 2” and so on.

Which highlight how they didn’t even bother to make another version of the video, sure, it would have been a bit odd to show a game that really doesn’t play like all the others in the series, but they also show Dynasty Warriors 9/Shin Sangoku Musou 8 (without apologizing), and it would have been correct. It also would have required more work, so of course Koei didn’t bother and uploaded it as is even on their official european Youtube channel.

Dynasty Warriors 20th Anniversary everyone is here

It may sound petty to make such a big deal out of this, but it’s so typical of Koei’s treatment of the series that they somehow managed to make some of it’s flaws and rightfully critiqued trends (like cutting corners by not dubbing the western releases of most musou titles in english) bleed into the celebratory 20th anniversary trip down memory lane. It’s so typical it’s downright depressing and make the otherwise well meaning “thank you” message at end feel completely hollow.

And i worry, because this is indicative of the state of the series as a whole… but i’m gonna dedicate an entire editorial to that later, there’s way too much to say, and i was planning to anyway, but this video gave me the final push.

Sorry for the teasing in the title, but don’t worry, that editorial won’t be locked behind a DLC or Season Pass paywall, or squirrelled away into an Xtreme Legends expansion at full retail price.

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Senran Kagura: Beach Peach Splash PS4 [REVIEW] | Wetworks

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Copy Purchased
Platform: PS4
Developed by: Tamsoft, Honey Parade Games
Players: 1 offline (2-10 Online)
Also Available On: Steam

Many thing can be said about the Senran Kagura series, but i give Marvelous a lot of credit for going fuckin bananas with the franchise. For such a niche series of beat em up games, you won’t expect at all a rhythm game spin-off, or basically their take on Splatoon, i really like that constantly try to expand it in such oddball fashion. You’ve got bahonkas of steel, Marvelous, no doubt about it.

We’re going knee deep. In the plot. Continua a leggere “Senran Kagura: Beach Peach Splash PS4 [REVIEW] | Wetworks”