[EXPRESSO] Free Guy (2021) | Life Service

So while we wait for the multiple movie projects spawned from that time online users deliberately made Gamestop’s share value drop (IF they happen at all), another thing that felt already dated the moment it was announced it’s finally out, Free Guy.

While it’s surprisingly not that out of touch as i expected (the fake in-game graphics looking like those crappy mobile ads for free-to-play games is a nice touch), i won’t deny it does sound like something that shouldn’t work as anything more than a sketch on Mega64.

So, what’s the plot? Ryan Reynolds lives his routine of bank teller nicely, until he decides to break it (inspired by a new woman player that he falls in love at first sight), gets They Live-style glasses, and learns that he’s just a random, generic NPC in a open world game called “Free City”. Or he was, at least. Guy then decides to become a hero for the city and its fellow virtual inhabitants, and becomes essential to the other protagonists, a couple of indie game developers trying to prove that a big videogame company CEO ripped off their work for his Free City game.

For a movie that takes many elements from other movies, ending like a weird amalgamation of Wreck It Ralph, The Truman Show, and The Lego Movie, it’s nice that is not as cynical conceived and executed as it may sounds, there’s actually some heart to it.. when the movie manages to focus and stop itself from doing weird “references-corporate pop culture flexes”, pandering to stereotypes, or trying to reach for super-safe narrative and emotional appeal.

It’s a decent movie, bit of a mixed bag, one that includes a slightly miscast Ryan Reynolds doing a Jim Carrey style character and a really overacting Taika Waititi.

Not bad.

[EXPRESSO] 32 Malasana Street (2020) | The Madrid Haunting

A Spanish-French coproduction, going by the international title of 32 Malasana Street, which is nearly identical to the original spanish title.

So of course it arrives in italian theathers titled “Possession – L’Appartamento Del Diavolo” (which translates to “Possession: The Devil’s Apartment”). Of course.

Originally i was planning to see it last Halloween, but i didn’t manage to because another lockdown hit cinemas here the day after this came out, and turns out it has been delayed to now. I was gonna see it due to “starvation”, since i don’t really care about the “possession-demons” subgenre, it’s definitely not my favourite type of horror movie, but i’ll give it a fair shake regardless.

The story has a nice backdrop, as in it’s set in 1976’s Madrid, just after the fall of Franco’s regime, and follows the Olmedo family moving to the capital in search of a better life. They get lucky and somehow find an apartment in the city center for a bargain. Things start getting better, but strange, unexplicable events keep happening in the house, until the youngest child, Rafael, just disappears.

Ah, yes, the old horror movie tradition of estate listings being too good to be true.

I’ll be honest, 32 Malasana Street isn’t original in any way, it uses a lot of familiar clichès (especially for “possession/haunting”flicks), and i mean a lot, the premise is as stock as it comes, but there’s some gusto and a lot of confidence to the execution that it helps the movie in rising above being the usual rubbish.

It definitely helps that the entity is quite aggressive from the get go, things happen at a good pace, the character are quite decent, quite relatable, the audio design is pretty good and there’s an expectedly “sensitive” good twist to boot.

Surprisingly decent.

[EXPRESSO] The Deep House (2021) | The House In The Lake

This time we tackle a french horror version of Wet-Dry World from Super Mario 64.

Or that Everblue/Endless Ocean horror version i joked about during Shark Month.

Withouts sharks.

Not that it matters much this being a french production, as the two main characters,an american couple filming “haunted places” in search of Youtube fame and fortune, are played by american actors. The couple goes to a very small little French town in hope to cover the artificial lake, but instead got wind of a perfectly intact house resting in a remote part of the lake, and decide to dive and film their underwater adventure.

I like the scenario, big fan of scuba diving and submerged mysteries as a whole, the premise is decent and takes from european folklore (there are many stories about submerged little villages), but The Deep House leans a bit too much into said premise, never bothering to properly execute it and just stuffing it with cliches.

And has a “cowardly” script that quotes half the famous “it’s not dead which can eternal lie” couplet from Call Of Chthulu, but doesn’t really go there, despite having the perfect setup and excuse to do so.

Also, its one of those horror movies shot mostly in found footage style… just to make some of the things happening harder to see. No real reason otherwise.

It’s not awful, it has some good cinematography, but it’s a horror movie with decent atmosphere (and even that it’s kinda low effort, as it’s baked in the scenario) and almost no tension or scares (aside a single effective jumpscare), more worried about looking good that having any real bite, doesn’t help that the main couple isn’t exactly that likeable (especially the guy), interesting or otherwise well characterized.

Overall, it’s sadly a pretty mediocre experience.

[EXPRESSO] The Suicide Squad (2021) | King Shark is in it

Let me preface this by saying i find stupid the whole “release the [director’s name] cut” shtick, and i’m sorry, but i did saw the 2016’s Suicide Squad movie, and it was such a mess nothing would have “saved” it. Look, David Ayer it’s not that bad a director, at all, but he made a crap movie with Suicide Squad.

That’s it, nothing special, it happens and can happen to anyone, the world will go on.

You’re free to pursue this crusade if you will, Ayer has all the right to be happy about it (who wouldn’t?), but i personally don’t “get” it (what you’re gonna do next, request the Proyas’ cut for Gods Of Egypt?), honestly, and i was quite happy to see James Gunn give the concept another go.

So yeah, it’s the same idea of getting together a group of DC supervillains to send in a do-or-die important mission, using the expandable baddies instead of the superheroes themselves, this time tasked to take care of “Project Starfish” on a secluded island instead of an american city.

But yeah, it’s a bit surreal to see the same movie done twice in just a span of 5 years, even more since it has most of the same cast and selection of characters, as it’s supposed to be a sequel to the 2016’s movie, which explains some of it but still comes off as confusing since this is basically a re-do of the concept and doesn’t really require seeing the previous Suicide Squad movie, at all.

Honestly i loved it, it’s such a fun, bloody, stylish and funny take on the concept, it’s not just that it’s the FAR better execution of it so far, but it’s also pretty good on its own, with a lot of style and substance.

[EXPRESSO] Jungle Cruise (2021) | Steamboat Amazon Ride

Time and time again, Disney comes back to the familiar well of turning Disneyland rides-attractions into live action movies, hoping to avoid another The Country Bears and strike that sweet, profitable Pirates Of The Carribean lightning once more.

Can’t say i’ve ever even seen this ride in person, but then again i’m not even sure i even went to Disneyland to begin with, and this doesn’t matter anyway.

This time we have a throwback to 40-50s jungle adventure films, with steamboats, fearless guides with pith helmets, treasures guarded by perilous jungle animals, cursed soldiers, evil german royalty (not nazis since this is set during WWI, but it makes virtually no difference if they were), adventurous researchers and natives in “ethnic get up”. And Dwayne Johnson.

It’s as generic as it looks and as generic as they come, clearly prioritizing spectacle and action in order to avoid the audience NOT being stimulated, even if the scenes don’t call for action, there is it anyway, just shovel it in. This is through and through a manifactured Disney summer blockbuster, as obvious as me pointing it out (as if was needed), and ones expectes it to be just a fun, throw-away experience to kill 90 minutes.

BUT i gotta admit it’s fun, it manages to incorporate ride-like elements into the plot, often giving them some minor little twists to the usual cliches for fun, the cast is clearly overlyqualified for the roles and the dialogues, but they clearly have fun with the stock characters and the often silly lines (or deliberately bad jokes), it made genuinely laugh in more than a couple occasion.

It’s quite cute, it’s pretty much what it says it is, it’s a cute, mild, fun little adventure while it lasts, one you’ll quickly forget in any detail after watching.

Sky Sharks (2020) [REVIEW] | Gott ist im Himmel

Let’s close this year’s Shark Month with a big bang, shall we?

And frankly i don’t think there’s anything better in that regard as Sky Sharks, a movie you’ve might have heard of but wondered when or if it’s actually coming out.

Borne from a succesful Kickstarter campaign, Sky Sharks was supposed to come out in 2018, but production hit roadblocks, various issues came up, for some time we didn’t hear anything about it at all, but then, in 2020 it resurfaced, complete and was released, even on home video (might have to import it, though).

And it was definitelly worth the wait, since this one of those rare shark movies that sets out to be a big B-movie by design, trying to tick all the usual exploitation-but-awesome points… and actually succeds in living up entirely to its trailer promising flying sharks piloted by undead nazi uber-soldiers, alongside nudity and lots of gore. It’s just missing vampires, a christian-protestant feud, psycho priests with bayonet-blades longer than an arm, but i’m really nitpicking in this case.

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The Day Of The Dolphin (1973) [REVIEW] | Assassination Dolphin

This isn’t really shark movie, but i knew i had to review a movie with the tagline “Unwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the president of the United States”.

It’s a rare combination of honesty, sensationalization and marketing, because it really catches your attention with the gist of a movie that’s absurd as genuine and oddly not brazen exploitation.

Also, i did mention the movie more than once during this month, so here’s the payoff.

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Great White (2021) [REVIEW] | Seaplane Rescue Rumble

Want some fresh shark movie? Well, it doesn’t get any fresher than this, as this is the more recent movie we’ll spotlight during this year’s Shark Month, and was released just last month, both via theatrical releases in some countries, and video on demand.

Personally, i discovered it among the new releases on DVD while browsing Amazon UK, was pretty cheap, so i ordered it asap. It helped being promoted as “from the executive producers of 47 Meters Down series”. Even if it’s a half-truth, as both Jack Christian and Christopher Figg DON’T appear listed as “executive producers” in 47 Meters Down or 47 Meters Down Uncaged, at least on IMDB.

I understand “from one of the producers of Dog Soldiers” wasn’t gonna fly, but why don’t actually sell it as “from the producers of Black Water: Abyss”, where they did work as executive producers. It does come from Altitude, one of the main companies also behind the 47 Meters Down series, so..

This is an australian production, with – fittingly so – australian actors (partly filmed off of Brisbane’s coast, to boot), and it’s directed by Martin Wilson, pretty much as his debut full lenght feature, as – according to IMDB – he directed two shorts and a TV movie called “Roll”.

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[EXPRESSO] Blood Red Sky (2021) | A Vampire On The Wing Of The Plane!

Sometimes Netflix is home to some good surprises, alongside reboots nobody asked and/or lots of “3D CG anime for the west”.

Seriously, Netflix does have some good exclusive movie releases, and this german horror thriller from Peter Thorwarth (also known as Transatlantic 473) is quite the unexpected delight.

Not because it came out of nowhere, i’ve heard of it before and was looking forward to it, but the premise gave the strong impression of this being a very gimmicky movie, using the horror element of “a vampire is on board” as a novelty to spice up another run of the mill thriller about a plane hijacked by terrorists, so i did go into this one with lowered expectations.

The premise see a mother and her son board a plane to New York, where she plans to get cured of her mysterious illness. But during the flight a group of terrorists spring their plan, hijack it, so in order to protect her son and the other passengers, the mother will have to give in her disease, as she’s actually a vampire, the kind that’s just a feral, unhinged creature entirely driven by bloodlust.

The vampire lore is pretty simple but also pretty convincing and brutal, fear not, the horror parts were not shoehorned in at the last moment, at all, and they work very well, not only as they give an interesting, fairly unique spin on the “airplane thriller”, but also feed into the notably solid mother-son dynamic, leading to pretty good drama featuring likeable, solid, competent characters.

Villains are a bit generic, but there’s the usual psychopath nutcase that helps in giving the plot some pretty good action scenes (among other things), and there’s a lot going on regardless, making the sizable runtime quite sensible. Pretty good one, quite recommended.

Sharks Of The Corn (2021) [REVIEW] | Wicker Shark

Like most people probably did, i found this movie while walking down the river, and it’s hard to not look when such a thing happens while you’re there, taking a tranquil stroll in the countryside of the internet mind.

I’m not surprised this movie exists, but i must admit i’ve never heard before of indie filmaker Tim Ritter, writing and directing here, apparently known as the Godfather Of Video Gore, clearly taking after H.G. Lewis, which i understand but also find quite ironical, considering Lewis notorious “disregard” for artistry in cinema as a whole.

Obvious it’s also a commercial craft, and there’s merit to the business and production side of things (and i did recently got my copy of Arrow Video’s H.G. Lewis collection, so i wouldn’t say i hate his output) but we’re going on a completely different, pointless – and uncalled for – tangent, so i’m gonna drop it.

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