One Piece TV SP 11: Heart Of Gold (2016) [REVIEW]

Director: Tatsuya Nagamine

Writer: Tsutomu Kuroiwa

Runtime: 105 minutes

It’s not not a recap, it’s not an entirely original story, this time we have a TV special made for tie-in purposes. Like the title gives away, this is a special made to advertise the movie One Piece Gold, and it’s not even the first one, as there was also One Piece Gold: Episode 0 (which we discussed during last year’s retrospective), a featurette taking place before the movie that amounted to a sumo version of the Kintarou story and plenty of Nami bikini fanservice. And the Silver Mine filler arc.

This actually takes place before Episode 0 and can be seen without it (especially since the featurette predictably didn’t further any plot or set up anything relevant for the actual One Piece Gold film than this special already does), and it’s intriguing they actually got Tatsuya Nagamine to direct him, after his work on One Piece Film Z and before the pretty good Dragon Ball Super: Broly.

And indeed, we’re in pretty good hands. We are.

Continua a leggere

[EXPRESSO] The Deep House (2021) | The House In The Lake

This time we tackle a french horror version of Wet-Dry World from Super Mario 64.

Or that Everblue/Endless Ocean horror version i joked about during Shark Month.

Withouts sharks.

Not that it matters much this being a french production, as the two main characters,an american couple filming “haunted places” in search of Youtube fame and fortune, are played by american actors. The couple goes to a very small little French town in hope to cover the artificial lake, but instead got wind of a perfectly intact house resting in a remote part of the lake, and decide to dive and film their underwater adventure.

I like the scenario, big fan of scuba diving and submerged mysteries as a whole, the premise is decent and takes from european folklore (there are many stories about submerged little villages), but The Deep House leans a bit too much into said premise, never bothering to properly execute it and just stuffing it with cliches.

And has a “cowardly” script that quotes half the famous “it’s not dead which can eternal lie” couplet from Call Of Chthulu, but doesn’t really go there, despite having the perfect setup and excuse to do so.

Also, its one of those horror movies shot mostly in found footage style… just to make some of the things happening harder to see. No real reason otherwise.

It’s not awful, it has some good cinematography, but it’s a horror movie with decent atmosphere (and even that it’s kinda low effort, as it’s baked in the scenario) and almost no tension or scares (aside a single effective jumpscare), more worried about looking good that having any real bite, doesn’t help that the main couple isn’t exactly that likeable (especially the guy), interesting or otherwise well characterized.

Overall, it’s sadly a pretty mediocre experience.

Maneater PS4 [REVIEW] | Megalodon’s Revenge

As a “bonus” to this year’s Shark Month, let’s talk about Maneater, from Tripwire Interactive, of Killing Floor and Red Orchestra fame, as they basically try to make the spiritual sequel of Jaws Unleashed… i would guess, i haven’t played that one yet (strange, i know), but i really can’t think about anything else that would fit the bill for a single player, story focused console/pc release.

I wouldn’t exactly count the Hungry Shark games or Depth, you know, and it’s kinda surprising there haven’t been more attempt at an action game focused on exploration where you play as a shark, so Maneater does fill a very unexplored niche, the open world shark action rpg.

Continua a leggere

Great White (2021) [REVIEW] | Seaplane Rescue Rumble

Want some fresh shark movie? Well, it doesn’t get any fresher than this, as this is the more recent movie we’ll spotlight during this year’s Shark Month, and was released just last month, both via theatrical releases in some countries, and video on demand.

Personally, i discovered it among the new releases on DVD while browsing Amazon UK, was pretty cheap, so i ordered it asap. It helped being promoted as “from the executive producers of 47 Meters Down series”. Even if it’s a half-truth, as both Jack Christian and Christopher Figg DON’T appear listed as “executive producers” in 47 Meters Down or 47 Meters Down Uncaged, at least on IMDB.

I understand “from one of the producers of Dog Soldiers” wasn’t gonna fly, but why don’t actually sell it as “from the producers of Black Water: Abyss”, where they did work as executive producers. It does come from Altitude, one of the main companies also behind the 47 Meters Down series, so..

This is an australian production, with – fittingly so – australian actors (partly filmed off of Brisbane’s coast, to boot), and it’s directed by Martin Wilson, pretty much as his debut full lenght feature, as – according to IMDB – he directed two shorts and a TV movie called “Roll”.

Continua a leggere

Shark Season (2020) [REVIEW] | Tis Is

We do gotta pick every stitch, it is always season of scripts running down the ditch,

sharks are out to make it rich, must be the season of sons of a bitch

I’m sorry Donovan, but these fuckin movies often leave me little choice but just invent shit like this, especially when scriptwriters don’t even bother to make the premise stand out for movies like these, so at a glance they mesh all together and often can be really sketchly summed, as they barely have anything to say or show. Especially when they keep getting released under alternate titles that are either mystifing, deceptive, or already used by older, better known shark movies. Because fuck you.

There’s no other explanation than “fuck you” when you release this recent shark movie as “Shark Attack” for its UK DVD release. And as “Deep Blue Nightmare” for US TV broadcasts. (sighs)

Continua a leggere

47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019) [REVIEW] | Mayan Ruins Of The Deep

While not exactly loved, 47 Meters Down did get a decent reception and turned out a profit, which means the studio hired back Johannes Roberts to write and direct another one of these “sequel but not really”, often called by the more elegant definition of “stand-alone sequels”.

You know the drill: no continuity, same basic premise, completely different cast, you don’t really need to have seen the previous movie, etc.

Well, actually the premise it’s a bit different this time around, even if – of course – it involves sharks, like you expect and want. Like the subtitle implies, this time around isn’t about a cage dive gone awry, but a group of girls that go scuba diving in a sunken Mayan city, only to be hunted by a group of sharks that happen to be swimming in it.

I mean, why the fuck not? Especially if you can get away with titling your movie after “cage diving” despite it barely have relevance to the story, this 47 Meters Down non-sequel can do whatever he likes, even sound like if someone accidentally made a possible Everblue horror adaptation.

Continua a leggere

The Reef (2010) [REVIEW] | Seas For Fears

No, no the kids movie, you silly.

Know what? Let’s talk about a good shark movie, for a change, let’s talk about The Reef, from director-writer Andrew Traucki, here at his second directorial role for a feature lenght film, after debutting with Black Water, another survival horror film, but about a saltwater crocodile (later followed by Black Water Abyss).

This one is often brought up when discussing the best shark movies, and by pure coincidence it’s another Australian production, like Bait 3D, which happens to be one of my favorites and one of the better received shark flick all around. And boy do we need good ones to offset the avalanche of shit shark movies pumped out on yearly basis, we really do need some good one once in a while.

Continua a leggere

47 Meters Down (2017) [REVIEW] | The Real Cage Dive

Once more we are more on the serious side of the shark movie, with the rare UK production, among the overwhelming number of american and australian ones, 47 Meters Down (or 47 Metres Down, as my UK DVD release says, thought it was just a typo on the cover art and the back of the box, but nope, it’s just unsure how exactly “europey” it wants to sound), which would also “inspire” the third Open Water film, released just months after this one.

But we’ll talk about what differentiates the two movies when talking of Open Water 3, for what concerns 47 Meters Down, you just have to know it’s about two sisters that decide – after the more introverted one breaks up with her boyfriend – to spend a vacation together in Messico.

While there, they decide to try something extreme and go on a cage scuba dive, but due to the wire malfunctioning, they end up being trapped in a shark cage underwater (at the depth the title specifically refers to), and they desperate struggle to escape while great white sharks siege them.

Continua a leggere

Aquarium Of The Dead (2021) [REVIEW] | Aqua Zoombies

Today i’m gonna ask you a question, answer sincerely.

Who exactly asked for a Zoombies 3?

I’m not even being sarcastic, i’m genuinely curious because i’m pretty sure most people that at least saw the first Zoombies didn’t knew it had a “sequel” to begin with. This is not a series that has anything as a following, as far as i understand.

But yes, this is actually the third movie in the Zoombies trilogy, despite the title.

Continua a leggere

Empire Of The Sharks (2017) [REVIEW] | Fury Boat

As you might remember, i frankly hated Planet Of The Sharks, so i post-poned the review of Empire Of Sharks, which i also incorrectly described as a sequel.

Because it isn’t: completely different cast, completely different characters, no continuity, you know the drill by now.

It still kind of a follow up to Planet Of The Sharks, as in this is The Asylum trying again to make work the ill-conceived- and under budgeted – mash up of Mad Max, Waterworld and a shark movie.

I don’t why exactly they felt the need to try again, since i’m not even sure it raked in much profit for the Asylum, but i guess Mark Atkins wanted another go at the concept, so this time he directed but also wrote the script himself, which is not necessarily encouraging piece of info.

Continua a leggere