Komodo VS Cobra (2005) [REVIEW] | Reptiliarium Rejects

**A nice, grating red for the retinas.**

I wasn’t really go do a review for this one so soon, i had saved in my Amazon Prime Video list for when i would have been bored enough, or needed to do it for a special, but i noticed the “this title won’t be available after the 5^th of December 2020”, so once again i felt coerced to watch and review before its gone or back as a paid rental or tied to another paid subscription within the subscription i’m already paying for.

Heck, i didn’t even knew it was a sequel to The Curse Of The Komodo (which i happen to own, having picked up an ultra cheap DVD copy for it in a flea market some time ago), released just one year prior by the same director… “Jay Andrews”, at least according to the credits.

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The Black Hole (2006) [REVIEW] | (Supermassive)

No, not the sci-fi adventure Disney adventure from back when Disney didn’t also own Star Wars.

No, not the classic pinball table by Gottlieb.

Just another SYFY disaster movie for TV. Not be confused with another sci-fi movie from 2016 that’s also called Black Hole.. when it’s not sold as Quantum Voyage.

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Bermuda Tentacles (2014) [REVIEW] | BDF BDF BDF BDF BDF BDF!

You work at The Asylum. SyFy has commissioned another movie, it is a day of the week.

You’re told no sharks, no tornadoes, no dragons, no spiders (giant or normal size) or any combination of these.

No, the monster can’t be made of lava, trapped at the bottom of the sea (being trapped under the sea floor counts) or from another dimension.

The note just says:

“the american president is in danger, after the Air Force One got hit by a tremendous thundestorm just over the The Bermuda Triangle. The _______ is sent in to retrieve the president, but a giant ____ emerges from the deep, potentially posing a threat to America and the world. You are a bad enough dude to save the president.”

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Princess Connect RE: Dive iOS [EXPRESSO] | Idle Moe Mediocrity

Now that “Priconne” has gone global, let’s give it a look.

Ok, story. You start in the usual “media res battle you lose”, then wake up as your generic male fantasy anime protagonist, now amnesiac but apparently a prince-knight known by everyone else in the world, so alongside your girl retainer and various battle princesses you go on a quest to scale Sol Tower and get a wish granted.

At least it’s not an isekai (?).

Combat is automated with interaction restricted to activate special skills when charged up… that’s it. There’s no complicated system to power up characters, so it’s not confusing but it’s also lacking any real depth, it just a matter of upgrading enough the characters and choosing the party composition, especially the latter i can see being important when you’re in deep with the harder levels.

Not that i will be reaching that point, but still, i don’t consider “the game really playing itself” a plus, even in a game like this where gameplay is vestigial to the “idle waifu collecting” activities.

One filled with lots of just….incredibly generic fantasy anime moe designs. There are some exceptions like the Alpaca Princess, but not many interesting or good designs. This is to make the rarer characters more desirable and con you into buying premium currency for the gacha.

While the F2P elements aren’t abrasive, the game is relatively generous in giving out gems/crystals and doesn’t gate features with insane grinding… it’s manipulative generousity, there’s always a catch.

The games uses clips from the anime series (which look good), production values are high, it’s harmless, inoffensive, but i just find Priconne to be very disposable and uninteresting, if i didn’t force myself to do some decent progress before writing this review i would have dropped it on day 2.

Yeti: The Giant Of The 20th Centhury (1977) [REVIEW] | Italo Disco King Of The Kong

It’s still january, it’s still cold as hell (proper Dante Alighieri hell), so it’s time to shovel up and unearth a yeti movie from the motherland, with the forgotten Yeti: Il Gigante Del 20° Secolo from director Gianfranco Parolini (credited as Frank Kramer), often called just “Yeti”, “Big Foot” (yeah, that helps a lot, thanks) or with a direct – and accurate – translation of the title in english, as Yeti: The Giant Of The 20^th Centhury,

Italian-canadian kaiju yeti-xploitation, can’t go wrong with that!

Yeah, digging this gem out to also celebrate the new trailer for Godzilla VS King Kong !

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Eels For Meals

At episode 3, i can confirm Yuru Camp Season 2 is great, might even be better than the first one, uber comfy, supercute, so much it will heal your filthy soul. Bliss, comfy bliss.

Watch out for the sudden, detailed and unexpected eel “murder” sequence (not pictured here) before being served.

Oh, yes, also, Cells At Work BLACK anime tackled erection and gonorrhea, as you do.

Can’t wait for the new episode of EX-ARM and what new shades of utter incompetence will bring, i’m sure the full fight scene against the robo-maid (shown both in the episode preview and in the PV of the series, you know, that video that literally publicized the anime series by saying “brace yourself, other sci-fi anime series, here we come!”) will manage to be even worse than expected.

I hope i can bring you some new reviews in the coming week, we’ll see.

So, that EX-ARM anime wasn’t a practical joke

**And yet you still wanted to make an EX-ARM anime.**

I will have a review of this turd when the series finishes, but this first episode it’s so unbelievably bad it doesn’t matter if the story improves or gets worse as it goes along, with this embarassing animation it’s all for naught. I would like to apologize to the Berserk 2016 anime, this is even worse, it’s unbelievable. But also the logical outcome to have a studio that never did nor understands animation… do anime.

And no, that horrendous screenshot seen above it’s not a one-off, in the first episode alone there are like 3 occasions where a horridly made 3D CG anime character is framed alongside a clearly 2D animated character. To say nothing of the horrible, uncanny way they movie (with the jaw unhinging like a creepy ventriloquist doll), making Polygon Pictures produced anime series look like Redline.

How the hell did these people manage to have this signed up as a Crunchyroll Original i can’t even fathom. The manga isn’t that bad to deserve an adaptation so abysmal.

And yes, the manga also had better animation.

Avalanche Sharks (2014) [REVIEW] | In The Wake of the Sharkenado

Another re-review to ease down the january blues, with more “winter” shark movies.

Today is Avalanche Sharks, because everything can happen if no one says no during scripting and production, and to be fair, this exist because Sharkenado just release to a surprise sensational success, so SyFy greenlit a sequel and basically asked what kind of bullshit shark movie the internet wanted to see, eventually announcing this one as a “sequel” (again, i think someone gotta remind these companies what the word means, i think they genuinely forgot) to Sand Sharks, under the working title of “Sharkalance”. Which was changed because it was obviously gonna be.

It’s NOT an Asylum joint, but a Canadian production by Odissey Media (and other companies), and i kinda wish they did, at least i could have heard better the crap dialogue and awful exposition, and maybe the actors would have been a touch better, alongside the production values.

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Mammoth (2006) [REVIEW] | Meteor Mayhem

Time to unfrost a b-movie from the mid-2000’s i’ve known about for years, as friends told me of this movie where a mammoth runs around a house without being seen. Yeah, i’m pretty sure they didn’t actually watch the movie and just parroted something they red online, because, as it incredible as that would have been (and kinda fit anyway with the tone), no, a mammoth doesn’t stalk people like a slasher villain and moves around a normal household without wrecking it.

Although, with how many cheap horror flicks about dinosaurs, extinct or mythical animals are there, that movie could actually exist. I couldn’t find anything that fits the exact profile, but you never know.

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Ice Sharks (2016) [REVIEW] | Ammonia Sharks

This is actually a re-review, i covered Ice Sharks during 2019’s “shark month/week/whatever” but it was on the original, italian version of Wise Cafe, so it’s technically new and i want to give you a lil’ something while i try to juggle and write about 4 different anime series, none ending in late january.

And if anything, might as well do this now than in summer, there will be other shark movies to talk about when the time comes. Also because there are not many “Ice type” shark movies, thankfully this sub-trend never took much hold, so much i can’t think of many others like this, aside from Avalanche Sharks and 2012’s Snow Shark.

Then again, Ice Sharks is one of the more recent one, and alone should have tanked this niche-within-a-niche for good, and not necessarily because it’s the “worst one”.

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