[EXPRESSO] Army Of The Dead (2021) | The Uncertain Dead

Zack Snyder has taken a break from superhero movies to come back to the zombie farm for Army Of The Dead, a zombie flick that’s also a heist movie, originally conceived as a spiritual successor of Snyder’s own 2004 Dawn Of The Dead remake, but over time becoming his own distinct thing, while it stewed in development hell until Netflix picked it in 2019.

While Las Vegas is plagued by a zombie epidemic, a group of mercenaries is crazy enough to try pulling the absurd and hugely risky feat of going into the quarantined zone to pulls off the biggest heist ever conceived, and do it before the government drops a nuclear bomb on the area.

This sounds like a great recipe for a bombastic, excessive good time… but it isn’t.

Putting aside that the movie is not so full of action as it marketed and presented, it’s a flawed execution of a good premise, one that’s also very long (2 hours and a half) and totally feels like it, even more as it feels unclear on what exactly it wants to pull off, not helped by the fact there are tonal inconsistencies; figures when it feels so conflicted between almost being Zombieland or a more Romero-style zombie film.

It’s frustrating, because it has some interesting, noteworthy variations and additions to the zombie mythos, it does live up the title in that regard, the actions scenes are quite good, there’s even some decent humour. There’s something to it, but it tries to pack too much stuff in and it never fully “clicks” because of it.

We’ll see more regardless, as Snyder wants to do a sequel, and Netflix already greenlit two prequels, in form of a film and an animated series, so maybe something better could come out of it.

[EXPRESSO] The Unholy (2021) | Cigarettes, Ice Cream, Figurines

Based on the novel “Shrine” by James Herbert, The Unholy is another movie that released just now due to the COVID-19 pandemic effects, and is the first horror movie i’ve seen in theathers before the last lockdown here in Italy (before that i just managed to see The Grudge 2020).

Why i’m talking about my “cinema cronology” instead of the movie itself, and posing fairly obvious retorical questions? You know exactly why, but let’s get to it anyway.

The plot follows a New England hack journalist, Gerry Fenn, once very famous but eventually kicked out as he kept just making shit up all the time, now reduced to do low paying puff pieces about strange phenomena, but he’s as skeptical as cynical, so he keps mostly inventing stories. But when he hears of a young lady named Alice, a deaf-mute miracolously healed after – as she puts it – she saw the Virgin Mary.

Gerry decides to investigate on the matter, leading to discover many dark episodes uncongrously related to Alice’s “miracle”.

It doesn’t sound that interesting, and… it isn’t. But it’s not half bad either, as the spirit/entity isn’t completely generic and the script could be far worse, but it’s also one of those horror movies that almost completely relies on lazy jump scares or noise distractions to keep some attention from the viewers. It’s that kind of mediocre horror film about possessions that at least has a narrative where shit happens at a decent pace, some good actors (it has Cary Elwes, Katie Aselton and Jeffrey Dean “Negan” Morgan in the cast) and quite good production values.

In a way, it’s the perfect blend of mediocre horror flick that’s not annoying, too slow or boring, but it’s also full of cliches, lacking any mystery and immediatly forgettable. Meh.

[EXPRESSO] Another Round (2020) | ALCOHOL!

I’m just gonna pretend that an “american remake” of this isn’t already in the works.

(glorch)

Despite the Oscars feeling less and less relevant and more “old men row selecta”, they still serve the purpose of spotlighting interesting films like today’s Another Round, from danish director Thomas Vinterberg, set in Denmark and starring many danish actors, most prominently Mads Mikkelsen.

Four teachers, all very unappeased with their lives on both a professional and personal level, decide to test on themselves a theory according to which every human has a little percentual of alcohol and trying to achieve a state of constant inebriation would lead to huge benefits in everyday life.

Even the formal and distant history teacher, Martin (Mads Mikkelsen), joins in, and actually get results by becoming a better teacher and husband, but obviously this is the very definition of a slippery slope experiment. You don’t watch a movie like this waiting for Mads to emerge from black ooze with mascara and leading ghost soldiers, you know where it would realistic go from that premise,but still, the execution is masterful, depicting the tentations of alcoholism, its effects both in a very funny way, even wholesome at time, while also depicting its obvious negative effects, but without getting preachy on the matter or using it as easy scapegoat for deeper issues.

It’s a really funny movie that not afraid to tackle the more dramatic and very mature implications rising (even indirectly) from the odd situation, able to perfect balance both, with very likeable characters. But it’s also a surprisingly, utterly optimistic – not naive, mind you – celebration of life seen through the lens/state of light, happy intoxication, making for a very joyful ride.

In short, it’s very, very, VERY good indeed, and i highly recommend it to everyone.

Anaconda (1997) [REVIEW] | Snek of Darkness

As following decades raised the bar for ridiculousness (quality not so much) in B-movies, newer generations of genre cinema might look back at late 90s/early 2000s killer animals movie and wonder how could people be satisfied with just regular animals like snakes and sharks, why the anaconda doesn’t summon galestorms and unites with other anaconda to become a giant monster bigger than a japanese city… or its “ready to be rampaged on” scale model.

What does get passed for sure is how crappy the effects are, and i can’t honestly sit here and lament the lack of a modern Anaconda reboot (though it’s apparently in the works), as its sequels aren’t exactly.. remembered or discussed as of today, and most of the series’ legacy i feel is the terrible CGI of Anaconda 3… and it eventually crossing over with the Lake Placid franchise, so all in all it did manage to carve its own place in the killer snakes movie niche.

But i’m not here to look at the franchise as a whole, we will eventually get to all the follow-ups, today we’re giving a look at the original Anaconda movie from 1997, directed by Luis Llosa, and see why it’s has become a cult classic b-movie of sorts in time.

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Komodo (1999) [REVIEW] | Dragon Park

Let’s clarify this right away: this has nothing to do with the Jym Wynorski “Komodo duology”, not only because this movie pre-dates both movies, but because this one has actual dignity and quality.

It’s fairly common for special effects artists to also become directors, especially if we’re talking B-movies and creature features about giant monsters or dinosaurs of some kind, but it’s still kinda odd that a movie like this can legit claim on the cover, poster and promotional material “it’s from the FX artist behind the effects of Jurassic Park”… and also the writer of the first Anaconda, Jack Bauer.

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R.I.P. Kentaro Miura

Just woke up to this horrible news.

We all joked about the endless hiatuses and how it looked like Miura could more easily die of old age before finishing the series due to very slow release of new chapters.

Even he did.

But apparently an aneurism at the aorta took him last night, at 54.

While i salute him and i do the notes of Susumu Hirasawa’s works based on Miura’s crowning achievement, i do HAVE to point out how the manga industry shouldn’t treat people like it does, like printing machines, and how sick is that fans themselves would rather drum up conspiracies or joke about them “wasting time” on a videogame or another series (in Miura’s case, The Idolmaster), instead of accepting that these slow release schedules it’s because manga authors are worked to burnout.

I mean, do i really have to bring up Hunter X Hunter and Togashi’s health, how he basically almost broke before finishing Yu Yu Hakusho, and that he basically has to fight his own humungous mental burden to make new chapters, before snapping back into a distressed, burnout state. Because you can’t “unburn” yourself easily, jesus.

So, maybe instead of just sharing how sad it makes to see your favourite author passing away, you can try NOT to side with the very industry that breaks them to the point of burnout of death. Or lament yourself how having to wait for new chapters is worse than 5 murders, and call people worked to the bone “lazy”.

[EXPRESSO] Oxygene (2021) | Desperate Struggle

Just dropped on Netflix, Oxygen (or Oxygene, as it’s a french-american production) it’s the kind of movie with a fairly direct title and premise, as a woman awakens in a cryogenic capsule, completely unaware how she got there and who she even is to begin with, but soon learns the oxygen in the capsule is running low and struggles desperately to survive the mysterious situation, remember who she is and how she ended up there before it’s too late.

My first thought was “this does sound like a sci-fi variation on Buried”… but then i remembered i never actually got around to watch Buried, so goodbye to that comparison. Still, you can get around the general premise of struggling for survival while trapped or confined to a cage/box, it’s not original or trademarked, so let’s look at this movie on its own, even more since from renowed horror director Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes 2006, Piranha 3D, Horns, Crawl).

And while you can kinda tell this is from a director not ashamed to show graphic imagery, it’s not exactly a horror movie or an horror sci-fi, more a straight up sci-fi thriller, one that will take its time to “get into gear” from its not too interesting set-up, but it’s worth because it’ll gradually grab you more and more, as you – alongside the “amnesiac” protagonist – will learn what is actually going-on, and let’s just say it delivers quite a powerful twist, but also manages an amazing balancing act between being extremely bleak and sporting some positivity in spite of it all.

Melanie Laurent is also excellent in the role of “Liz”, which is good and vital since it’s mostly a one-woman show, but one incredibly well executed.

Very pleasantly surprised by this one, pretty good.

Recommended, indeed.

Alligator (1980) [REVIEW] | Don’t flush the reaper

Ah yes, Wally Gator’s origin story. Or maybe not.

This one actually has sort of faded into obscurity, but it shouldn’t because it’s arguably one of the better “killer animals” film of the 70/80s, and also is a “Jaws rip-off” of sorts, in the same way as the original Piranha, to be precise, since the script is also written by John Sayles, and it’s a good combination of straight killer animal flick and light-hearted, affectionate satire of the B-movie clichès. It definitely has a sense of humour, not just by downright having P.O.V. shots of the gator with the soundtrack playing almost the Jaws theme, by having people selling merchandise of the “monster”, but also by basing an entire movie about that urban legend. 🙂

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[EXPRESSO] Ape VS Monster (2021) | Cranky Kong VS Zilla

Maybe it’s the pandemic and all, but i kinda missed having the Asylum pop-up to do their mockbuster version of whatever Hollywood blockbuster came out.

There’s something oddly comforting, almost reassuring in that.

And given how much Godzilla VS Kong was delayed even before the pandemic, you’d think they would have used this unexpected advantage to make the mockbuster come out earlier, but nope, so only now it’s time for the off-brand, million times cheaper Asylum offering, with Ape VS Monster.

In mockbuster tradition, the plot actually doesn’t have much to do with the movie/s “mockbustered”, and this time it’s about an ape that comes back to earth from a space pod launched decades before, crashing and releasing an alien substance, accidentally making the ape itself and a passing Gila monster grow into giant size. Eventually they fight, after the faffing about of the human characters, mostly good for old Cold War cliches, and so Eric Roberts doesn’t have to leave his war desk too much, while the main protagonist tries to save the simian, Abraham, whom she shares a special bond with.

Of course they copied that here too.

Considering everything, like not having the backing of the Monsterverse narratives, the budget, and… The Asylum being The Asylum….i will admit they really tried with this one, even if the monsters – mostly – looks about as “good” as you would expect, the production values are slightly better than i expected (cinematography is also a tad better), and there’s a bit more to the plot and to the characters (mostly), direction is fine, making for an entertaining 90 minutes low budget flick.

I have more to say (and we’ll talk about this one in more detail eventually), but for what it is, it’s actually alright, honestly surprised it ain’t worse.

Soon Back To The Theathers

So, in a matter of weeks most cinemas in Italy plan to re-open for real (even more since they already planned summer releases for movies like A Quiet Place Part II), which gives me great joy, and also means i’ll eventually cover more recent releases after watching them in theathers, instead of waiting for months to dribble on some streaming services here in Italy, if at all.

I still have a shark month (and something else One Piece related) planned, i enjoy reviewing b-movies, shlock, etc, but i also like to cover the recent releases, you know?

So, fingers crossed i don’t have to write another post where i say i will not be able to cover theathrical releases (as soon as they get here) because of another lockdown.