[EXPRESSO] Super Star Path NSWDDL | Match-3 Shooter Mess

After quite enjoying Bot Vice, i decided to check out the others games the spanish DYA Games had on the Switch eShop, and this one got my attention, especially because of the concept, a mixture of puzzle game and 2D spaceship shooter.

And it was on sale for 1 buck.

Basically, it plays like a standard 2D spaceship shooter (down to the vertical scrolling), but the aliens and obstacles are placed in a still grid like they’re puzzle pieces, so shooting a row of aliens of the same color triggers a chain reaction, making nearby aliens of different colors crystalize into unbreakable blocks. Defeated aliens also leave behind gems, emeralds (3 for stage to collect) and upgrades, which can be used to buy more spaceships and upgrade their stats.

This… until you reach the level’s boss, then the pace speeds up considerably, the puzzle elements are thrown away all together, and you can use autofire. You’ll need it, since the bosses are fast and hit hard even at the beginning, throwing bullet hell style projectile patterns, quite jarring, even when you know it’s coming and you bought/upgraded better ships…it just feels like a different game, and i feel it’s done to just pad the longevity out a bit, as you have only 6 levels, each longer and featuring some specific obstacle/damage.

Problem is arriving to the bosses themselves it’s more a matter of luck than anything else, due to badly randomized level layouts, which result in many runs where you simply can’t do anything to avoid dying, trapped by the enemies patterns to be crushed by the scrolling in a way or another.

Shame, because the idea is nice, but for how short lived this game is, it’s mostly a frustrating, unbalanced pile of aggravation more than anything else. Disappointing.

P.S.: Also, don’t bother tackling the final mission unless you have ALL the emeralds, because even if you manage to kill the boss… you will die anyway if you don’t already have all the emeralds. No, the game doesn’t make it clear you NEED to get them all to even finish the game, it just says that you need to get them all, implying they’re important to the story and in general to the game, in the How To Play section.

Fuck you too, Super Star Path.

Please never pull shit like this again. Just don’t.

[EXPRESSO] Bot Vice NSWDDL | Cyberpop Lane Cabal

Bot Vice’s story is basically a nostalgic mash up of 80 and 90s, with the animesque character designs, the heroine sporting a tank top, attitude and a bionic arm with weapons (heck, the application’s icon is a reference to Alita Battle Angel), as she fights an army of animal themed cyborgs at the orders of the villain, ready to blow up the Nakatomi Building (and quote Terminator, Robocop, AND Beavis And Butthead, because), symbol of the decadent cyberpunk Bot City.

Surprisingly, alongside a nice retrostyled soundtrack you get voice acting for the cutscenes (which could have been shortene), and decent voice acting as well, fitting the whole “self-aware, shameless reference spouting” glut so typical of this sub-set of retro indie games. It comes off as cute, but thankfully Bot Vice it’s also a very tough “gallery shooter” in the style of Cabal and Wild Guns, as in you move around the bottom of the screen, shooting and rolling to avoid enemy fire, collecting special weapons with limited ammo and also using taking cover, which can be destroyed.

And it is tough, quite merciless, even at the beginning, so you’ll need to master moving around, rolling and using cover, as each level is a short but intense battle arena, culminanting in a boss fight. Oddly, the game puts an overall time limit for you to finish all stages in, despite the stages being short and not that numerous, even more as the game doesn’t detract the time spent re-trying stages.

The developer Dya Games managed to do a lot with the “gallery shooter” setup, making for an intense, short but sweet experience, quite challenging and with enough replay value, thanks to its arcade perfect setup, extra difficulties and a bunch of extra missions.

Recommended, even more when it goes on sale.

[EXPRESSO] Brahms – The Boy II (2020) | Doll Droppings

I saw The Boy in theathers back then, quite liked it, i knew they made a sequel, by the same director, William Brent Bell, and writer, Stacey Menear, but i kinda forgot about it, until i noticed it’s available as an Amazon Prime Video exclusive, I was.. perplexed by just reading the gist.

The plot follows a young boy, Jude, and his parents, moving into a mansion in the woods to heal, as he and the mother were traumatized by a home invasion incident, and Jude finds a life-sized doll he dubs “Brahms” and becomes creepily attached to.

You could make a sequel to The Boy work, but this movie is a complete cop-out, as it systematically makes sure this is taking place in the same location, set after the events of the first movie… but also wants to be your typical “possessed/evil killer doll” movie, the complete anthesis of The Boy, and make sure you can’t deny or doubt of the doll actually being alive, giving it a backstory that – conveniently – didn’t factor in one iota in the first one.

Even worse, it’s also utter crap in itself, with some of stupidest (and bloodless) “kills” you will ever see in a movie that takes itself so serious, and disappointing, frustrating and stupid “anti-twists”. There’s no intrigue, no mistery, no atmosphere, nothing to it, the good production values and decent acting plain wasted on such dreck. Of course the ending is also a complete cop-out. Of course.

Among stand-alone horror sequels that are way better than the first one, The Boy II is the rare shitty sequel that not only it’s completely unnecessary, misses the point of the previous one, but it’s so garbage it almost retroactively taints the original one, destroying any goodwill gained with it.

[EXPRESSO] Goblin Sword NSWDDL | Good Mobile Sorcery

Mobile games get a bad wrap, and while the industry itself is guilty as hell for it…eventually you get a mobile game that actually wants to be just a game, made for enjoyment instead of retention (followed by the game testing your resolve against your wallet)… which you probably didn’t even knew exist until it gets a PC and/or console port.

Yeah, Goblin Sword is a mobile game that found its way to the Switch’s eShop earlier this year, and despite some asset flips (and similar crap from malingering homunculi) from Steam starting to surface here as well, you can still get proper esposure on it, especially since it’s a 2D retro styled Metroidvania-sidescroller hybrid……lacking the random ass rape in the beginning, now we have to warn people of that due to a certain series with “goblin” in the title.

Then again, there isn’t much of a plot, it’s basically you against an evil wizard that wants the titular “goblin sword”. And… that’s it. Gameplay itself it’s a basic sidescroller with a Metroidvania twist, as in you get power-up needed to reach previously unaccessible areas, but progressing in the levels it’s done in a traditional side-scroller gameplay, go right until you reach the end of the level, with double jump being the fancier ability available, and collect all treasure chests and crystals you can.

Gelato Games (oddly not an indie italian videogame studios, despite the name) did cook up a good sidescroller, with a pleasant but a bit generic art direction, and you can still kinda tell this was made for mobile first, but you’ll soon forget that, thank to good level design, the tight controls, the great difficulty curve, a good amount of content and replayability.

I’m glad this one was ported to Switch, because it deserves more attention.

[EXPRESSO] Lupin III – The First (2019) | LUPIIIIIIIN THE THIRDDDDDD

was supposed to see this one in theathers (if you didn’t know, Lupin III was and still incredibly popular here in Italy, so much a couple of licensed PS2 videogames technically have a PAL release because they were only released in Italy, outside of Japan) back in march, but the lockdown happened, and eventually this one was snapped by Amazon as a Prime Video Exclusive. Smart move, in hindsight, since i was also waiting to see the second MHA movie, which got a new release window…. but cinemas have closed, as we’re in a quasi-lockdown situation.

I’m faffing around because i really don’t have to introduce Lupin III, now, do i?

The plot is fairly typical, concerning a book by the archeologist Bresson, containing a mysterious treasure and encased in a cryptic mechanical contraption, and standing as the only one the original Arsenè Lupin wasn’t able to get. But not only Lupin The Third himself wants to do out his grandfather, a girl named Laetitia and a surviving nazi group are also after the treasure.

It’s what many would call “classic Lupin III”, it’s quite appropriate (even more since it’s dedicated to Lupin III’s author, Monkey Punch, who passed away in April 2019), and it’s still quite a blast, thanks in no small parts to the downright amazing 3D CG animation by TMS Entertaiment and Marza Animation. The animation itself is worth the “ticket” by itself, just a masterful implementation of this style, which is often derided as stiff or a cheap compromise that never satisfies or manages to translate “anime” into CG.

THIS is how you do it.

To draw a comparison with another new film based on an old series also released that year, this is definitely better than City Hunter: Private Eyes, in pretty much everything.

[EXPRESSO] Kadaver (2020) | Dinner Theatre

The first norwegian horror film produced by Netflix, and available since October 22.

Directed and written by Jaran Herdal, Kadaver tells of a family living in a cold, barren, post-apocalyptic city, with a full-out nuclear war that might erupt at any moment. One day, a strange man shows up to sell tickets for an event held by Mathias, a local rich man, with promise of food and entertaiment at his mansion.

After dinner is served, Mathias tells the audience that the show is unique, as it takes place all through the mansion, and instructs them to wear masks while they follow the maskeless actors putting up various scenes. In time the spectators are whisked away in secret for true purpose of the party. Which i won’t give away, even if you can take an easy educated guess.

Sadly, it’s an uneven experience.

It has some stylish and morbid imagery, the idea of a trap “dinner theatre” is cool and quite original, but the narrative moves too damn fast even at the beginning, so you’re not really given any valuable time to feel invested in the fate of the family, or to second guess the nature of the odd performance. Doesn’t help that the plot relies on characters doing dumb mistakes most of the time.

On the upside, it’s fairly short and entertaining all the way, the ambiancè is great and there are some good moments, but also middle of the road character (decent acting, at least), and an ending that’s quite… clichè for such an intriguing promise.

It’s a shame, because it released at the perfect time for the themes to resonate with the audience, but it held back by its not small flaws. It’s still a decent horror movie, definitely worth checking out, even just for the original plot.

[EXPRESSO] The Mummy Demastered PSN | Prodigium Posse

Since i got this on the Halloween PSN sale, why not?

And i mean it, sure, it’s based on 2017’s “The Mummy”, that turd of a movie that was supposed to be the “real” launchpad for Universal’s MCU horror equivalent, the Dark Universe.. after trying and failing with Dracula Untold just 3 years earlier.

But it’s also developed by Wayforward, who notoriously built their reputation by actually doing good tie-in licensed videogames (and kickstarting their original series, Shantae), so they could manage to actually do some good with the abysmal source material. And they did.

It’s nothing original, but it’s also a good little Metroidvania title, who puts you in control of a soldier working for Prodigium, the secret company dedicated to defend the world from monsters, tasked by the face of Russel Crowe (who plays Doctor Jekyll in the movie) with defeating the freshly resurrected mummy princess Ahmamet. The plot is basically a side-sequel, as its events run alongside the ones in the movie, so no digitized retro-Tom Cruise to see here. Still, the plot is better narrated here than in the movie, and it’s told almost completely via exposition dumps.

The 16-bit styled retro graphics and the synthwave music are quite good, and while the game doesn’t try to change much of the typical Metroidvania trappings, it’s far from uninspired. Actually, it’s well done, and it also has a touch of “Zombi U”, as when you die you restart at the last save point, taking control of another Prodigium soldier and having to retrieve your equipment and upgrades from the other soldier, now zombified, but still weapon savvy.

It’s also fairly well paced, a bit on the short side, but, enjoyable all the way, and fairly well balanced, not easy but also not impossible. Or too challenging overall.

[EXPRESSO] The Personal History Of David Copperfield (2019) | Paupers, Please

Based on the novel by Charles Dickens… one i will admit to be not THAT familiar with.

So don’t expect me to compare it to the many other film or TV adaptations of the story, i simply can’t and won’t. But i will describe the basic plot, just in case.

Starting at the end, the movie has David Copperfield chronicle his life, from his brief moment of idyllic joy visiting the family of his nanny at their bout house in Yarmouth, to her moment remarring to a a cruel man who exiles him to London, making him work at his factory, and meeting many colorful characters that live in similar if not more crushing and dismaying poverty. After hearing of his mother’s death and funeral, he escapes from the dismal life at the factory to his eccentric aunt, and her even more eccentric lodger, flip-flopping between the wealth of the “gentlemen’s lifestyle” and his past miseries coming back to him.

So, i saw “The Personal Life Of David Copperfield” yesterday… and it was good. Perfect casting, amazing performances, the characters are charming and memorable, it gets a good balance between the whimsical positive attititude and the abject squallor of the poor in victorian London (as you would expect), and the themes of class conflict still work, even with the whimsical tone and the over the top characters.

Quite funny, but at times its so enamored with his “british comedy wit” that comes off as a bit grating. Still charming, absolutely, but a bit grating and self-indulgent, even if it’s deliberately done. That said, it’s a good one from director Armando Iannucci, i’d say. Not great, but good.

I really don’t know how it stacks up against the other film adaptations of the tale, but in its own, i’d recommend it.

[EXPRESSO] Greenland (2020) | Family Fallout

Oh, yes, the indie subgenre of Gerard Butler movies.

For the record, i do like Butler, but for better or for worst you can often easily guess what kind of experience you’re getting in a movie just by seeing him starring in it. This is exactly one such occasion, as Butler stars in another disaster movie, after weathering Geostorm (which i didn’t see) 3 years ago.

This time things are a teensy bit different, as he embarks in a desperate journey to a bunker in Greenland, where maybe him and his family can survive a coming meteor that will fall on Earth and probably cause the extinction of mankind. So yeah, no chance to see him suplex the meteor out of orbit while clad in a mechanical golden god robe, but it’s a more realistic approach, and the focus on surviving the threath more than facing it works better.

Directed by Ric Roman Waugh (Snitch, Angel Has Fallen), Greenland sadly never rises from being … adequate, as it tries to focus more on the drama, but also has no qualms in compromising and forcing conflict so we can have more action scenes, or more twists, doesn’t matter if they’re dumb even in context. Regardless, don’t get locked into a conversation with Butler, he’ll get his way regardless if you do, even at long-range.

The movies tries to be better, but it can’t fully committ to either its more ludicrous or serious elements, decent to good perfomances can’t do much when the main characters are built out of clichès, and the movie wants to hit you over the head with the themes, or cheaply provoke an emotional response. While it’s perfectly watchable, i feel it’s a bit longer than it should, you could have cut 20 minutes out of it.

Serviceable.

[EXPRESSO] Creators – The Past (2019) | Star Odissey Barbarian Italian Gods Of Space Magick

You might be wondering what the hell is this.

I did too, until i remembered the name from 2019’s edition of the Lucca Comic & Games convention in Italy, but i never “investigated” and i….completely forgot about it.

Then again, they didn’t market it AT ALL, despite being an italian production with William Shatner and Gérard Depardieu, alongside a cast mostly made by americans, italian actors at their first role and italian musician Angelo Minoli.

The year is 2012, and an extraordinary planetary aligment is about to happen. The eight members of the Galactic Council (each governing their own planet as a “Creator”) meet to discuss of the coming events, but following an incident they lose an essential artifact, and task a human girl to retrieve it before the planets disalign.

This is the basic gist… the movie itself it’s INSANE, it really lives up to the “colossal” monicker, as they basically threw together 3-4 movies. And – as you would expect – it gets confusing, as the sub-plots splinter into smaller sub-plots, each of the Creators has their hidden agenda, and the movie just keep throwing things at the viewer, like Jesus Christ, aliens abductions, conspiracies, sword and sorcery bits with scorpion-men, the very specifically italian “battle of the oranges”, etc.

And YES, all these things are connected together. The drawback is that with that many subplots and a runtime under 2 hours, some are abruptly resolved in seconds. Often because the movie just makes up new bullshit rules to do so. It’s anything but boring or stale, it’s visually intriguing, there is definitely dedication and ambition here, alongside a lot of money for an italian production of this type.

It tries to set-up sequels.

… I really wouldn’t mind, at all, but i “feel” they ain’t gonna happen.